My friend is always negative towards me. What do I do?
Last Updated: 05/14/2022 at 3:18am
Elaine Kish, LMSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.
Top Rated Answers
Find out what your friend is feeling about themselves. People are often negative towards aspects they see in others and that they feel strongly about. This may be because they see themselves reflected in this and feely upset about what they are being reminded about. Bullies' behaviour works to a similar system - they attack those they see are weaker because they see something familiar and are embarrassed of that aspect of their own personality. Compassion for your friend will allow you to ask what is wrong in your friend's life. You can support them through whatever difficulty they are experiencing and build a stronger bond with them.
People can project their negativity onto you, and make you feel as if you do not matter. Their attitudes towards you is a reflection of their character rather than your worth. We all need to protect your energy from the negativity and communicate our needs and feelings to those around us. No one truly knows you better than you know yourself. They may not realize how their words can negatively affect you. In loving friendships, both parties should be able to express their needs, concerns, and feelings without judgment. Please take care of your well-being first and foremost. You're loved.
It sounds like you feel that your friend has been critical and not supportive. Is your friend impacting you and/or your emotions harmfully? How are they acting and why do you think they might be acting this way? How do you currently feel about them and what potential steps do you want to take to mend the relationship between you two? It is important to first understand what steps you want to take from here and what you want to achieve for the relationship between you too. After that, you can then make a plan of how to address the issue, whether that be communicating and talking it out or distancing yourself.
Sometimes, when those around us are negative, we can start to pick up on and hold onto some of that negativity. It can have an impact on our own mental health when we find that we're surrounded with negativity on all sides. It might be that your friend is struggling with something themselves. If you feel that you can, you could try talking to your friend openly and maybe signposting them to resources (like 7 Cups!) where they can work through whatever issue they might have going on. Always try to put your own mental wellbeing first, however! Looking after yourself isn't selfish, it's smart. Only after looking after yourself and building your own resilience can you have the strength to help others. If this friend has been causing you continuous distress, it might be time to reflect on the situation and ask yourself if having this person around you is the best thing for YOU.
It would be best to distance yourself from someone or anyone for that matter who is negative towards you. It's understand why you can't easily do that because you consider this person to be your friend. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see if you could be negative towards someone you consider to be your friend. If you have a hard time with doing that, then clearly this person is not your friend. This person would be better described as a frenemy and they are not good to have. It's common but that doesn't mean it's healthy. If this person continues to be negative towards you, then it could start to seriously effect your mindset and overall general health in the long run.
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