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What comes in the bully's mind when he bullies me? Is this really making him feel better?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 12/29/2020 at 10:04pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy


I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.

Top Rated Answers
February 18th, 2019 2:49pm
Usually when a bully bullies someone, he was once that scared kid who was being bullied. Bullies feel that when they bully someone, they have some type of control. It makes them feel they have some sense of power. They might do it because of something in their childhood/past that has angered them, or maybe left them defenseless at the time, so they do it now because it may give them some type of control to what may have happened to them before. It is never right to bully someone, so if it is happening it needs to be stopped.
December 1st, 2015 1:24pm
There are multiple reasons as to why someone may bully; because they're being abused at home and it makes them feel better abusing someone else, they want to show off in front of others, they're mentally weak such as bad at lots of subjects and feel that their physical stature makes up for this "flaw" so bully others to make themselves feel better and other times, it can simply be because there's bad people in the world and they happen to be one of them. Unless you're willing to ask a bully why they do so and try to get a legitimate answer out of them, I'm afraid you'll never actually know as it is different for everyone. Hope this helps.
December 28th, 2015 1:02pm
Enjoyment comes in the bully's mind when he bullies you. Yes, it is making him feel better because he had a dark past and struggled a lot so he thinks that hurting others makes him feel a lot better
April 25th, 2015 4:03am
Bullies often feel out of control in their own lives, so they try to exert control over others to help them feel more in control of their own lives. While it may make him feel better temporarily, he likely understands that he is causing harm to someone, and probably does feel guilt, remorse, and sadness about it.
June 23rd, 2015 7:08am
Putting other people down may make a bully feel a sense of power, or control. It makes them feel confident, because they're often times actually really insecure and unsure of themselves.
May 21st, 2015 4:09am
The bully takes out his feelings on you, because it may make him feel better about himself. He may feel in control when he bullies. Usually bullies have a life where they are not in control, and bullying makes them feel that they can control something.
June 11th, 2015 12:43am
Often bullies don't even think of what they are doing as bullying. Sometimes, they can even think that they have a right to do this because of something they perceive you as doing. I think the book "Tease" by Amanda Maciel really explains what is one scenario of the thoughts a bully may be experiencing, and what leads them to do it. Nevertheless, its not okay, and you should tell someone.
December 28th, 2015 12:04am
he's just trying to put you down so he can stand in your place, he's jealous so it is making it feel better. but remember there is probably a reason why he wants to feel better
May 9th, 2016 4:42am
Temporarily, yes. Bullies need to feed their ego so they can feel superior above all people. Okay?..
May 9th, 2016 1:01pm
yes obviously,it makes the bully feel more powerful and sys that you cant stand up for yourself and he can do anything to you
June 7th, 2016 3:41pm
unfortunately,it does he is bullying you not because you deserve it but because this is the way he can express his/her frustration or jealousy . some of them bully because they want to fit in or look cool others just follow the rest without actually thinking
September 20th, 2016 5:28am
Bullying is just another coping mechanism like cutting. Although rather then inflicting pain on himself. It's at you. So I'd imagine they'd think similar things that a person who's being abused or mistreated in some way by higher ups and like all coping mechanisms. Yes it does make them feel better
September 20th, 2016 8:07pm
I went from being bullied to becoming a bully. Some people simply push others around to make them feel more superior to mask their own insecurities or depression in life. It's nothing personally as usually they just need someone to talk to and don't have anyone. Sometimes people do it to just fit in and end up being hurt in the process because of peer pressure. Don't take it personally! It's also a fair assessment to say that later it's possible the bully may feel sad, guilt, and/or even remorse based upon what he/she did to someone else. Some believe it's a sign of weakness to show feelings and hold all these things in. Which can also mean expressing these feelings in aberrant ways. Even if they're a Symphorophiliac or get aroused by the misfortune of others ( Schadenfreude ). This feeling one has on feeling better is only temporary and ultimately causes more harm than good not just for the bully but to others.
March 28th, 2017 7:59am
In the moment, the bully will feel powerful, which triggers a release of adrenaline and dopamine in his/her brain. This rush can feel good to a person. Once the euphoric rush wears off, the bully will no longer have that feeling of power and control. This is why they will likely continue to be a bully.
December 11th, 2017 3:39am
Bullies usually are experiencing some pain themselves, and that can come from their family, friends, or other loved ones; and due to this, they can tend to bully people who in their minds are weaker than them. They most likely don't feel better after bullying you but it might give them a sense of power over others and entitlement .
December 18th, 2017 11:30pm
Bullies tend to pick on people due to self insecurity. They believe kicking someone down emotionally will make them appear strong, physically and emotionally. A bully could be so hurt he/she doesn't realise how badly they could be affecting you, they're too busy feeling strong. All they want to do is feel better.
June 4th, 2018 4:52pm
As a listener, I am not able to enter a bullies mind. You never know what others are going through.
November 15th, 2016 2:10pm
Different people would feel different things. Some bullies do it because they get bullied, some do it because they don't like someone and don't know that violence isnt the way to deal with things, then some do it because they are jealous. Keep your chin up, we're here if you need anything :)
March 7th, 2017 10:37pm
A couple different things could be happening; the "Bully" may be tormented at home and this leads him to believe this is the only way to either protect himself or make friends. They could be trying to impress a group a people they thrive to be friends with and that hurting and intimidating others is the only option. The bully would eventually feel isolated because of this, they can see the effect their words/actions have on people and could feel shame or sadness towards themselves. The bully on a different case could feel pride and may not understand the impact they have, assuming that the victims know they were "joking" or just messing around. Both these options will lead the bully into an unhappy life because they had no true friends and would eventually lead to depression if not already.
April 22nd, 2019 10:41pm
A person who bullies others may have had it done to them, so they think it is okay to treat others the way they were treated. They do not know how to handle the fact of their being bullied compared to those they are doing it to. They feel if it is okay for it to be done to them, then it is okay to do it to others. They are not sat down and spoken to and shown how to deal with it so it does not happen to them again. They are feeding their hurt onto others because they feel it is right to do
December 29th, 2020 10:04pm
Hurt people, hurt people. Your bully picks on you because you have something they don't and it kills them. Think about it. Why else would this person go out of their way to knock you down a peg?. They see you as better as them in some way and they want to even the playing field. It's called leveling. When people are threaten they either puff themselves up or they knock you down. Don't let this bully get to you. If anything take pity on them that they don't have the emotional tools to better for themselves.