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What do I do if someone is saying something hurtful about my friend?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 07/16/2018 at 7:00pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jui Shankar, Ph.D


My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
April 9th, 2015 1:33am
Do you care about your friend?If you do stand up for him,tell the person in cause that he doesn't know your friend as you do,that he is just throwing with words right now and judging someone who has actually no idea how he really is,but remain polite at all time and handle the situation with respect,the person should understand if he doesn't feel as if you are trying to contradict him,be smart and play it smart,he will realize that he was mistaken.
October 24th, 2017 3:09am
It's a good idea to hear a person out and ask them where or why they feel it's important to voice a negative opinion. Then, after you hear them honestly, tell that person all the good things you know about your friend. We all have flaws. We all have bad days. We all make mistakes. The one bad thing a person might say about your friend probably does not outweigh all the good things you know and can be proud of sharing. So listen, respect and then shine a light on all the good.
January 16th, 2015 6:22am
Speaking from experience, if I were in your position, I would try my best to screenshot (if they bitch online), record the conversation on the phone or save as much evidence and record it on file without letting any one (including your friend) know. Stand up for your friend and keep a record of you standing up for them. The reason it is important to record such incidences is that, sometimes when you stand up for a friend who is not present, those people backbiting can turn the tables around and spread to your friend some lies to ruin your friendship. You really should stand up for your friend but make sure you do it properly
January 26th, 2016 2:36am
When someone hurts your friend your first action is to tell an adult or someone who could help for it.
January 15th, 2015 4:09pm
You could tell them that you don't like what they are saying and if they could be nicer when talking about someone
May 8th, 2017 9:14pm
I would love to say, "Stand up to them! Defend your friend!" And if you can do that, kudos to you! But the truth is that it's often hard to do so. So in that situation, I find the best thing to do can sometimes be to walk away. Get your friend as far away from the hurtful remarks as possible, both physically and emotionally. Avoid being somewhere where your friend is being talked about—it's easier for you. And make sure your friend knows that the hurtful remarks aren't true and that they're an amazing person.
May 16th, 2015 1:11am
I'm sure your friend would appreciate you standing up for them just as they would stick up for you!
July 27th, 2015 2:48am
If you feel the need to stand up for your friend, you can do that. If you feel like it's not your place to do that, you could let your friend know, or not hang out with the hurtful person.
August 10th, 2015 11:36pm
Tell an adult, or someone who can do something about it. If it's at school, tell a trusted teacher or a counselor. I'd suggest talking to the friend first about it, and making sure that they have support :)
November 23rd, 2015 12:37am
Tell them they have no right to be saying those things. I will always stick up for my friends no matter who is saying bad things.
November 30th, 2015 4:36pm
I have dealt with this before. I would tell my friend as nicely as possible as they may be friendly with the person. However, if it something they don't like I would still make them aware that the person has been saying stuff. It happened a lot in my school days and the best way to deal with it is speaking to an adult you trust if you feel like it's escalating
September 5th, 2016 12:50pm
Speak up, but dont be rude. Tell them how you feel about what they are saying about your friend. Again, do not be rude about it because that can make the situation way worse.
September 20th, 2016 6:06pm
Ask them to stop, if that doesn't work which it sadly probably won't, tell them off, tell an adult or be there when she's getting the hate and you really tell them off, just no physical contact, unless they start it :(
June 10th, 2015 12:54am
Ask yourself why, then ask yourself why it matters - people will always have something negative to say, it's up to you and your friend to decide if it's worth dealing with or not.
December 28th, 2015 5:26pm
Stand up for them, they are your friend so you don't have to accept the hurtful things they say about your friend, stand up for them.
September 26th, 2016 9:44pm
Do the same as you'd wish for your friend to do if someone was saying something hurtful about you to them:) Ultimately do what you think is right and kind. I would simply stick up for my friend/say something nice about them and politely change the subject. If they continue speaking negatively, tell them you'd rather not speak about them, or just walk away.
October 3rd, 2016 5:10pm
tell them its not good to talk bad about any one oz they might be some one brother or sister or a mother or a dad who might be some day be his family
July 16th, 2018 7:00pm
I will make my friend aware of it and ask him/her to have a chat with that person and clear things out. :)