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Why can I stand up for others but not myself?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 07/27/2021 at 6:01pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
October 4th, 2016 11:39am
I stand up for everyone else but myself because I feel that everyone else is more important than me and they need the help a lot more than I do. But no one ever stands up for me...
March 22nd, 2016 3:46am
Sometimes we feel its far easier to support and stand up for others as it can seem "once removed" from our own stuff, And also we can feel we don't "deserve" to stand up for us.
January 22nd, 2015 10:56pm
At least when standing up for another person means you're not alone in the battle; you have the person you're defending with you. But, who's going to join with you when you're defending yourself? It takes more courage to risk going it alone.
August 11th, 2015 6:46pm
it is easier to stand up for others, you feel you're helping them, for yourself you can feel rude.
June 17th, 2015 11:35pm
Because our judgement of the others is always Without a major Emotional component, which we cannot ignore when the problems are ours.
January 26th, 2015 2:57am
That's really nice,it's probably because your selfless.You think about others before yourself,that my dear is sweet.You should be proud about it,but you have to care about you.
May 6th, 2015 8:31pm
Perhaps sometimes we respect and care about the wellbeing of other than for ourself. We are often taught to look out for others and make sacrifices, as being self-aware and respecting oneself could be seen as vain or selfish; however, we are equally as important as the people around us. How are we to care for others if we neglect our own needs? The goal is to find a happy balance.
June 13th, 2016 5:56am
Standing up for others I feel like comes naturally because we don't want to see someone getting pushed around by others. Its harder to stand up for yourself because we all have our own insecurities and if someone presses you about those certain insecurities it can be a struggle to find it in yourself to stand up to the person. Even if they don't push you about certain things you think about, it can still be hard especially if you don't have the confidence in yourself. However, I commend you for having the courage to stick up for someone else. Stay strong and if you need someone to talk to I'm always here for you!
May 13th, 2015 5:15pm
Sometimes it's far more difficult for us to understand that we deserve the same protection we give to others. When seeing a person in need or troubled it's human nature to instantly take to and try to stick up even if the person is unknown to us, that's how we tell the good natured from the bad. Realize that you are a good person you are willing to defend and take care of people you deserve the same treatment for yourself. A lot of times we also tend to numb ourselves if we've been through a harsh time and just tend to push away for what comes, brushing it off easily and not standing up to it the whole "I don't care" ordeal. However seeing another in need can change that prospective. Learn that /you/ are just as worth sticking up for as anyone else in the world and try to stay strong.
July 26th, 2016 3:14am
Perhaps you don't see your worth or you can't justify your existence. However, you can see other peoples worth and you feel protective of other people.
January 25th, 2016 6:00am
Usually with your nearest and dearest, you probably like them because they stand for certain values of real importance, or they're just being treated harshly and it's a real injustice. However if you've got low self-esteem or depression, well if you've got low self-esteem you think you 'deserve' the bad stuff in some way, and if you have depression well, nothing matters or has meaning full stop so, there's either no point in fighting, or nothing in the thing being attacked with fighting for. It's a mess.
September 26th, 2016 6:32pm
It's often easier to share your thoughts or even to defend others as it does not affect you directly and you can walk away and forget if things get too hectic.
May 14th, 2015 5:25pm
Lack of self confidence. Believe in your self. Thats the key to self motivation. No one can hurt your feelings.
November 21st, 2016 6:44pm
Sometimes it is easier to stand up for other because we dont want to see people being pushed around, especially if you have experienced how it makes people feel. Also, many people believe they do not "deserve" to be stood up for in some sense.
April 16th, 2015 2:27am
You are able to stand up for yourself but tell yourself that you are unable to, it might be the feeling of vulnerability. You just have to have some drive and motivation and understand that you are capable to stand up for yourself once you try!
May 27th, 2015 11:51pm
We all feel that other people come first, and if we think of ourselves, we feel selfish. But the most important thing to remember in life, is to be happy, you need to work on you. You are the most important person in your life, and if standing up for yourself will benefit you, than by george, do it!
December 21st, 2015 3:06am
It's easier to to tell someone to not pick on someone else but when it comes to yourself it's you being talked down to or picked on. You are the one feeling scared or hurt so it makes it harder!
February 15th, 2021 5:03pm
Sometimes people see others worth more than themselves, thus they don't have the right to stand up for themself. Other times they are conflict avoiders, but their feelings of justice is much stronger than their fear of conflict. Or, like myself, they are a mix of the two, I'm much too afraid to stand up for myself, mainly because I have anxiety and being in a conflict triggers a small panic attack, but I also have a hard time seeing myself worth just as much as any other person. I have three very succesful siblings and I always had trouble seeing that I am just as talented and smart as they are, only I have other talents as they do. Fortunately I was able to leave home for a while and as I had to do everything for myelf, I was able to discover myself, I had no time to look what I did worse than my siblings, instead I was able to see what I did well.
June 18th, 2015 2:03pm
There an age old saying, practice what you preach! It's human nature to tell others exactly what they should do, but somehow we never take our own advice. The reason is because it's never so easy when it's happening to you.
December 28th, 2015 5:56pm
This is normal, because you love those people and they mean a lot to you so try to stand up for yourself and your friends at the same time but remember that this requires patience and time
March 22nd, 2016 2:06pm
It is much easier to stand up for others than it is ourselves. It is a natural instinct in us to protect others. It is in ourselves but we always perceive our problems as worse than others which makes it harder to stand up for ourselves than it is for others.
June 7th, 2016 11:18pm
You can stand up for others because you care about them and willing to take a stand and when you are getting help your not willing to speak up and ask with confidence at times.
August 2nd, 2016 7:44am
Its a case of low self esteem. WE consider ourselves less worthy. Or maybe we like being the damsels in distress.
August 30th, 2016 2:11pm
It's easier to stand up for others because you believe the person you're standing up for, but not the other person. There's also more than one person backing up facts, not just you. It's hard to stand up for yourself because you feel as if you're being pressured, so you get overwhelmed and it's hard to deal with. If you're alone when standing up for yourself, that is.
July 27th, 2021 6:01pm
standing up for yourself can be harder than standing up for other people typically. when you have to stand up for yourself you typically felt upset and there was something that was going wrong. when you stand up for someone it's much easier to be able to stand up for someone else than feel scared of what may happen and feel upset in the current moment. knowing that you will have to eventually stand up for yourself is important because things aren't going to always go as planned and people are going to try to do things you don't want. that's why it's important to learn how to.