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Why is everyone around me always being so mean?

152 Answers
Last Updated: 04/10/2022 at 2:29am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
RedBird3
March 8th, 2020 3:01am
Do you know what can I get an amen on that one! Why does everyone always seem to be so mean? The people of this world are just bitter these days. Now don’t get me wrong there are amazing people in this world. But there are also so so so many people that take pleasure in tearing others down. There are actually lots of reasons why someone could be being mean to you. It could be because they’re dying inside and sick and torturing others somehow makes them happy. They could be insecure or jealous of you which is often the case. There are a lot of reasons. It could also be that you are just having a bad day and/or feeling vulnerable and sensitive and everyone seems mean you to. Let’s me honest, we ALL have those days!
brightWhisper25
March 24th, 2020 11:31pm
This line to me indicates, that the environment one is in is toxic to the mental health of the person and it means to be yourself and find the right set of people you truly connect with. The question needs to be rephrased as 'why are you hanging around with the mean people?'. Make sure you have boundaries. Do not let people hurt you. Always stand up for yourself and have the courage to leave the people that treat you badly. Do it for your mental health. Seek support and establish a good support circle. A warm one. One that lifts you and encourages you.
caringWinter88
March 25th, 2020 3:57pm
I think most people are not mean. 85% wants to be kind I learned in my Michigan University study leading people and teams. People mostly want to be kind. But some people are really mean, and mostly because of they are abused as a young child. I think there is a difference in bullies at work, and school, and at home, and friends. You could change friends, friends agree with you, so when one is a bully it is not a friend. You could change your job, and home and school. What do you consider to be a good person? What would your friends have to agree on with you, to be a friend? You could ask bystanders to stand by and help to stop the bullies.
youdefinehope
March 29th, 2020 2:31pm
Firstly, im sorry you are experiencing this. Just know that there is nothing wrong with you, usually people are mean because you have something they dont, theyre jealous, and thats not your fault! and sometimes the nicer you are, the meaner people get - but that doesnt mean you have to change, keep being you because you are enough, dont ever let people make you think different. Mean people have their own problems, but that doesnt excuse their behavior. No matter what happens, know that nothing is wrong with you... If anyone says crappy things about you, they are the ones who are crappy because they’re trying to bring you down, and that’s a downright crappy thing to do. You just keep doing your own thing, theres nothing wrong with that x
Anonymous
April 9th, 2020 6:04pm
I don't believe most people are mean people. However, under the right circumstances, most people can be mean. It is the way of live in the world we have now. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself. Dont let it beat you down and instead let it be your determination to be stronger and prove them wrong. Try to look at yourself from an outside perspective and remind yourself of all the unique and beautiful qualities you possess and have the ability to share with the world. The most important thing to remember, whether you are receiving or giving unkindness, is that you are inherently good, and deserve to be loved, no matter what you or someone else tells you.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2020 1:51pm
Because it’s just how the world is and how people are they are afraid sad messed up but you have come this far and you got it you can make it you have me and all the other listeners here to be friends we can help you get through this and be the best you it can be hard but all off do want to be hear and talk so if you want to you can come talk to one off us make a new friends gain some confidence and Mabey find the best you there is in you
AlissaRose
April 22nd, 2020 9:21pm
Hello. I hear that you feel hurt when other people are mean to you. Sometimes even when we are nice to people, they still can be rude in return. The world would've been a better place if everyone was nicer. Unfortunately, we cannot change some people, or bad things they might be enduring, who knows whats going on in their life because happy people are usually warm and benign. However, we can change our reaction, for example, be able to learn how to let go. It is challenging, but I believe that 7 cups is a strong platform for acquiring flexible and adaptive coping skills. Good luck.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2020 7:31pm
I think the first step in tackling this mentality is reminding yourself to be empathetic towards others. You never know what someone is going through just by looking at their life. Even close friends won't truly know your thoughts and emotions if you don't tell them. It's important to recognize that sometimes people can act out when they don't feel in control of their own lives or know how to handle stress/grief/anger/sadness, etc... Sometimes people will be rude/mean/irritable when they don't know how to handle something their dealing with. Remembering that when dealing with someone difficult can help you understand why they're behaving the way they do. Secondly, looking inward can be helpful. Ask yourself when you find others being rude. Take note of things. Did they say something? Did you say something to trigger this response in them? If so, don't beat yourself up. Take responsibility for your actions and understand that we are all human and capable of making mistakes. It's okay! Address the problem when you feel ready - apologize if needed and just communicate with the other person to find out what's bothering them.
Anonymous
July 4th, 2020 5:14am
maybe because they hurt too and some of them are mean because they also treat badly that is why they want to share the pain and tough situation that they have felt. just always be positive and dont let yourself down because of what they've done to you . just smile and forgive,forget them. Do your goals and be productive whatever happened. however, ignore them, if they see you are affected of what they say and do they keep doing it because they want to see that you are in pain too. mean people loved to hurt other people who always happy in their lives ,we have also ups and down in life but we should need to handle it properly. maybe miscommunication is the reason we become overthinking of what they say and do we should need to clarify to them what does it mean? so that you may understand why they're acting so rude when they are actually intending to be helpful and to protect others from making mistakes and suffering the consequences. This used to cause a great deal of conflict for us until we realized that they have the good intentions of helping and protecting In fact, some articles I read there are partner who negotiate there problem he used to say “Listen to my intentions. Not my words.” Once a wife learned to do that much conflict was resolved. so maybe we should need to listen the intention and not the tone or words that they said that it can helpless to us and think to them that they are mean.however, to me it depends on the environment and people we encountered. just keep smiling and keep in mind that they want to help you if there are an issue unresolve. if they are really mean because they are insecure to you just dont mind them and forget what they say. I hope it would help to you.🤗
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 3:54am
It’s most likely because you seem inferior to others - maybe you’re not attractive, have an awkward or dowdy vibe, and/or you’re a stigmatized ethnicity in your area. I’ve been treated extremely rudely and condescendingly since I turned much uglier, facially, than before. People think much worse of me than before, too. It’s extreme subconscious biases and stigmas against ugly people - and the mistreatment and disdain is much greater if you’re ugly AND some other undesirable characteristics, such as a hated ethnicity, awkward talking style, or weird demeanor. People - stop making life hard, painful, and traumatizing for weird people who are ugly and of an undesirable ethnicity. We can be FAR better than you in all ways - so stop ruining our lives. Whether you have a customer-facing role, or you’re a teacher, bus driver, doctor, therapist, etc. - have heart and empathy for ugly, awkward, weird people. We suffer through extreme stigmas, and daily pain and suffering, because people are hateful and judgmental to us constantly. I’m given dirty looks everywhere, and treated rudely, and assumed the worst, in the most wrong ways possible - though I’m the kindest, most thoughtful, most open-minded, loving person in the world. It’s extremely unjust that some of the most amazing people in the world are treated the most abhorrently.
sunshinePeace7025
July 31st, 2020 1:01pm
When someone doesn't treat you in a good way , you need to know that it doesn't have to be you ! it could be that they didn't learn how they should love themselves before they could love and respect others. When a person has more of inner peace, self-love and gratitude they would be nothing but kind humans to others. Think of what could be the reason that they are mean? What do they mean to you ? that you would rather decide on helping them to get on the right track or maybe decide to walk away
happysunflower94
August 7th, 2020 10:54am
On one side, many people have their personal problems, which can make them come out as mean. Many times they do not realize that their behaviour may upset the people around them. So don't worry, it is not your faul! You can ask them nicely if something happened and you could offer them your support. A lot of people have their own fights we may not be aware of. On the other say, your perception of reality might create the illusion of people being mean towards you. If you have a bad day and a bad mood, people may seem rude to you. We usually become more sensitive when we are sad or angry. But that is totally alright as it is temporary! I hope my answer helped you! Good luck and always remeber that your are loves and your feeling are valid!
Anonymous
August 16th, 2020 7:00am
Maybe they envy sorts of merits that you hold, which they were born without or even will never achieve. Human is born with the conception to compare and compete with one another. Sometimes even there are not any mistake on you, but because you are too unusual and not mundane as the most of them do, thet show hostility and dislike to you. Do not suspect if there's any importance for yo to change in order to abide with them.Just keep progressing, chasing what you are dying to attend, don't care too much about what others surrouding you would regard you. Try be the ture yourself.
ManedWolf
August 23rd, 2020 6:41pm
I can't say for your exact situation but people can often be mean or simply act in a dismissive or aggressive manner. It isn't your fault, even if you have in some way wronged that person it still doesn't give them the right to act in a way that is disrespectful. It's always best to be careful with the people who you surround yourself with. Look for people who tend more to support you than criticize you. If you aren't successful in keeping yourself away from people who are mean to you or you are forced into a situation with them try and keep a positive outlook on life and remember that most people who are mean just do it because they themselves are hurt and not because you have done anything wrong.
ingeniousBeauty4518
September 9th, 2020 9:53pm
people are mean for many many reasons. this could be they are struggling themselves or they’re just mean. i would try to ignore them if possible and focus on yourself. if it gets to a certain extent where it’s physical or even mentally damaging tell someone you know and trust to sort out the problem. for example teachers, boss, police or parent / caretaker. Just try to always remember you are most definitely worth more than any horrible things they say and try not to focus on them in life as they aren’t worth it. if you have any further questions go ahead!
lavpetals
September 18th, 2020 11:27am
I feel like some people are selfish and insensitive. If they get the same treatment it's the end of the world, they don't feel for others and in turn, end up hurting people. I found that it's a matter of not caring, it's difficult of course, but once I had my overthinking at a minimum, and I didn't focus on what people had to say that much, I didn't get hurt. But that of course only applies to people who are being mean and aren't close to you, i.e. their opinion doesn't matter, other than that, it can be a bit tricky.
HeartDancer
October 23rd, 2020 8:14pm
Can you describe the context in which this is occurring? Either you are in an abusive situation, or you might need to look at your own behavior and how it contributes to the dynamic of whats going on. At times in my life I've thought everyone around me was being mean, only to discover I was acting in ways that was unknowingly inappropriate. Sometimes we need to reflect on our own actions and think about how they come across to other people. BUT, with that being said, it is also possible you're in an abusive situation...but we'd need to know more about whats actually going on.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2020 8:40am
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at also change . It may sound boring but in the very Nature of things it is so. When you think a little bit deeper you can see how we , humans often attract things in life based on our "vibration" . I can share my story. I have been often bullied in school, by everyone, even by the people who knew me not nor did i them, they were just passing by and hitting me with everything possible they could found on the floor . Not to mention the people from the class. So it made me wonder "why always me?". I needed to come to that conclusion how something within me attracted anger from the others. And , yes i have been always so negative, sad and desperate. But when i have realised that, little by little i started to change the way i think ans the way i look at things. And that is what really helped me to get rid of "mean people" and situations. Today i no longer meet them :)nor do they meet me. I hope my opinion helps a bit.
Ines1229
December 2nd, 2020 8:07am
People around us can get like that sometimes. I think the most important thing you should never forget is that it is not your fault by any means. People who are being mean, by rule, are acting this way because of their own selfish needs or due to personal issues and jealousy. Them being mean to you does not mean you are not enough or there is something wrong with you, but with them. Some people feel the need to look for attention from others by making themselves feel respected and “funny”. That is something they struggle with and you are nothing less than them. People will always talk and there is often the case where someone will be around throwing mean remarks towards us. But! Never forget how worthy and amazing you are! ❤️
Anonymous
January 17th, 2021 1:48am
I would take a step back and maybe thinking about what may have happened and ask yourself is there something I am doing or is it just them and their personality? Sometimes People can be upset and act mean. Maybe they are going through a rough time? Kind of ask them and confront. It is also helpful to ask yourself if the relationship you are in is good for you, if it is beneficial? It can be very upsetting if people are being mean to you. Don't let other people bring you down. Just identify whether its something you can work on or if its just the group of people you are hanging around with.
Anonymous
February 21st, 2021 4:17pm
They do not understand how to talk to you. maybe you tell them how it makes you feel. I understand how stressful it can be. I hope evrything works out, if not you are more than welcome to come talk to me! And any time you feel down or just need to talk feel free to reach out to me at any time. I am here to provide you and others suport. i am glad you came to 7 cups. Know that your feeling and emotions are valid and you are important. Be kind and you shall recive kindness back.
endlesstory
March 13th, 2021 12:22am
Everyone has a different perception of social interactions. Some people may be experiencing trauma in their own lives, making them seem more harsh or "mean". It is likely that your experiences are also a source of how you perceive things. This doesn't mean that you are just being sensitive, it just means experiences are a source of perception. It is also completely possible that people are just rude or mean. You have a right to be upset by this behavior, but it is also important to not let it seriously affect you if you can help it. Their actions don't determine your worth in the very least. It's super important that you value yourself, no matter how others treat you.
organticBlueberry5504
March 25th, 2021 9:22pm
Have you had a conversation with the people around you about this topic? If you feel like people around you are being mean, it is important to speak up on this issue and ask them if there is anything wrong so that there is no animosity. Speaking up on this topic can also be good for your mental health, so that you are not always thinking about why you feel people are being mean to you. It is not good to ruminate about this in your head day in and day out. I suggest you tell the people around you how you are feeling.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2021 6:42pm
I like to believe we reap what we sow. Generally, if we are kind to others you almost always get the same in return. However, there are times this is not the case and it hurts when this happens. Being able to step outside a situation or conversation and see it from another's point of view is a skill we learn. It is not instantaneous. We have to develop it. When someone is being mean or hurtful, I ask myself if I may have contributed in any way to their current feelings. It's not always easy to communicate with someone when they are in such a negative state so sometimes we need to put some space between yourself and the situation and come back to it when they may be calmer and more receptive. Otherwise, you could be investing your energy into something that is not going to be appreciated and ultimately you are the one that hurts.
Anonymous
June 3rd, 2021 4:35pm
That is really hard to feel like everyone is constantly snobby or hurting you. Have you tried talking with them about it? Sometimes, learning to understand their point of view and where they are coming from can really help to form a connection between you both. Often people seem to act 'mean' but are really aloof. The reason for this is often as a result of shyness or social awkwardness. What you can do is maintain an open, warm stance and this can help to make others feel happy too. In this way, their emotional 'thorns' can be cut back and you can see the wonderful person behind them!
endearingPond9400
June 5th, 2021 9:29am
Sometimes if our past experiences are bitter we look at everyone through the same lens. We feel dejected at the smallest of things. We get defensive. Everyone can not be mean. I don't think that it is possible. Sometimes people are inherently mean without knowing the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it is not our fault and many a times we misread the situation itself. So sir back, relax and try to understand the problem from a bit of distance. I have gone through similar experiences. And hope that this answer makes someone think from a different perspective. Best wishes and regards.
Embrace7157
June 5th, 2021 2:29pm
There could be a couple possibilities to why people around you are mean to you. The first and obvious one is that you unfortunately could have a though character and that could lead to people shutting off and reacting in a mean way as a self defense mechanism . Although I'm sure even if that's the case you're not doing it on purpose and you just need a self evaluation moment. The other possibility is that it could simply be that people around you are just mean. The people that are around you could be not nice.Sometimes that is just how people are. So if you did nothing to entice such behavior, It's simply just not your fault. So try to distance yourself from toxic behavior to protect your own mental state and health.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2021 5:35pm
It can sometimes be difficult to understand why the people around you are being so mean. Often, when the people around us are mean or have a bad attitude, it is because they are actually, in some way, suffering. It is a lot easier to be mean when you have some fundamental need that is not being met. For example, it is very common for people to be annoyed or aggressive when they are hungry, tired, in pain, unhappy, or unfulfilled. Being hungry, tired, in pain, or unhappy are pretty common feelings most of us can relate to at least a little, however being unfulfilled may be harder for some people to understand. Being unfulfilled means you feel there is something lacking in your life (that might be love, a career you enjoy, purpose and/or meaning), and you may or may not know what that "missing aspect" is. Some people who are unfulfilled don't know what is missing from their life, but they know they feel at least a little better when they give others a hard time, because, as they say, "misery loves company". Another way to think about it is, people hardly ever treat others poorly to hurt that other person and make them suffer, usually, they treat others poorly because they are hurting and they want to suffer less.
Tintastic2025
November 17th, 2021 3:30pm
There could be so many different reasons why people decide to lash out. Things could be going poorly at home, someone could feel like they’re lacking in one part of their lives and they can see you thriving in it. Many people mistakenly use envy and jealousy to cloud their decisions and lash out at you. It is really important to reflect and wonder why they could be lashing out at you. Most of the time it has nothing to do with you and if it is possible then try to confront this animosity in a calm, cool, and collected manner.
ingeniousPeace79
February 19th, 2022 9:40am
Habits, bad habits, it`s not like they have anything to do with you personally. These people use what they perceive about you, or about other people, to create negative emotions, anger, etc. This first perception, however, is distorted by the habits themselves, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. "Everyone is bad, I knew it." Now, I'm not saying that you don't matter at all in the equation, because it IS relevant that you perceive these emotional conflicts around you. But, you didn't ask the question this way, so ... it's another story :D. The point is that if you want to do something about it, you can only deal with your own perceptions and no one can control other people's decisions (and thus other people's perceptions).