Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why would someone who is already in pain wish to inflict it upon others?

206 Answers
Last Updated: 02/25/2021 at 8:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
November 5th, 2016 12:50am
They want others to experience they're feeling. They want to feel powerful or in control when at home they could be spiraling out of control.
November 5th, 2016 6:51am
I think someone who is already in pain will think it is okay to inflict it upon others because he might feel upset, or he just doesn't know how else to handle it.
November 16th, 2016 3:43am
Some people rationalize and cope with their pain by making sure that other people feel it because they never really knew how to deal with it themselves. It is not uncommon, mostly seen in children who are bullies. They are having trouble in their lives so they make others suffer so they do not feel so alone with their own problems.
December 9th, 2016 1:06am
They may feel as if others do not understand their pain, and they want them to be able to. They also may think it is unfair that they have to experience this pain and no on else does.
December 16th, 2016 4:26pm
because his pain might lead him to anger and anger does not let us think, The anger might amke us get satisfaction when seen other people in pain.
January 8th, 2017 3:03am
I suppose that worst case scenario, it is a way that the person is able to release some anger. If it is physical, it is not acceptable, but if you talk to the person, and tell them they are hurting you, maybe you could help them.
February 9th, 2017 6:45am
Some people feel that inflicting pain on others will numb their own pain. It's a very selfish reason but that person is just trying to find a way to cope.
February 17th, 2017 11:50am
Personally, I like to give individuals the benefit of the doubt. There is always the question of intent. People who are in pain sometimes lash out. It doesn't mean those impacted should become a consistent outlet for their frustration. It does open the door to some very important conversations. Boundaries, honesty and providing new coping mechanisms are priceless.
February 18th, 2017 12:26am
Maybe because they feel hurt and alone and they don't know how to express it or get the help that they need. All they can think of doing is making others feel the way that they feel so they feel less alone.
February 25th, 2017 6:07pm
People deal with pain in different ways. For some people the best way for them to deal with that pain is to hurt other people too.
March 16th, 2017 2:40am
sometimes people think hurting others will take away their pain. or the pain they are feeling is so harsh that they think the pain they will feel after hurting someone will feel better.
April 2nd, 2017 3:55am
they may feel like it'll make themselves feel better if they don't feel that they're the only ones going through it, or they may think that it will cause people to understand their pain & empathize. but it is not the way.
April 6th, 2017 9:20pm
Weakness. A great bunch of weakness and insecurity. Sadly, a lot of people feel like their own life gets less miserable if only they can drag others on their level or even further down. It can even give them some feeling of power and might to massage their ego, but it's probably just them being scared of feeling like they're alone with the pain.
April 12th, 2017 2:14pm
Everyone reacts to pain differently, and for some people, that reaction is lashing out. To want others to feel how they feel, or simply not understanding that the reason they are hurting others is because they are hurting. Sometimes pain makes people upset, and it's easy to hurt others when you're upset. It's not necessarily that they wish to, but it does happen. It can be a sort of relief, to push your pain on to someone else. That doesn't mean that it's a positive thing, but it is understandable.
April 13th, 2017 4:33am
This is a hard concept to understand. This person must feel a lot of pain and resentment. They must be upset with them self and not know how to deal with it; therefore, they hurt other people to avoid their own pain.
April 26th, 2017 10:49pm
Possibly because they want others to feel their pain. Their pain might've been caused by society and they wanted everyone to feel the same pain they put this person through.
April 27th, 2017 3:34am
Sometimes people who are in a lot of pain want other people to understand how they are feeling by making them feel pain as well. They feel that others need to feel the same pain as they are.
April 28th, 2017 8:14am
Because they have no where else to inflict this pain. It's a common thing people do nowadays as they become so isolated in their own problems. To see someone in the same boat as them almost comforts them. Doesn't mean that it is right however.
May 7th, 2017 11:21pm
Oftentimes when persons are angry, they want others to be angry too. Likewise when they are sad or hurt. This is the reason the adage 'Misery loves company' holds true. It sometimes makes persons feel better when others are in pain if they are in pain. It differs for everyone. but have you ever been hurt or angry and because of that you say mean or hurtful things to hurt others? That is how persons in pain may feel.
May 13th, 2017 1:50pm
Some people who are so clouded in their misery resent other for their happiness. They feel alone and isolated. They feel the world is unjust. They want to see that they are not alone. That others are miserable too. These people need compassion more than anyone.
June 17th, 2017 1:42pm
To make themselves feel better and see others misserable too. That's the way they don't feel like they are the only ones that feel that way
June 29th, 2017 2:16am
Misery loves company. People sometimes like to make the outside world look like their inner world. If they are in pain, the bring it to life in their surroundings. It's sad that they can't see how much more good it does to share love.
July 8th, 2017 11:32pm
Because they want the victim to feel the same way they do. Or by them inflicting pain on others makes them feel powerful and better about themselves
July 26th, 2017 8:34pm
These people have poor emotion management. They hold maladaptive beliefs such as believing that by seeing others suffer and be in pain, it would help to make them feel less alone - this is incorrect and only leads to a continuing cycle of sadness/anger.
July 27th, 2017 4:13pm
Sometimes those who are hurt are angry. Angry souls don't always wish to inflict pain upon others, but sometimes, we do it out of habit and fear.. it's a defense mechanism. We want to be alone, it's the way the human mind works. It's a strange motive, yes, but it happens to the best of us! When someone is in pain, be careful and cautious. You don't want to harm them in any way.
August 4th, 2017 10:01am
That must be because they are unwilling to face the truth and shift the blame onto someone else. However, it makes an endless cycle. If they hurt those close to them, they would get hurt in return. But it's possible for them not to stop because no one is guiding them towards the right path.
August 4th, 2017 10:07am
Someone in pain probably feels a lot of anger and hurt. Sometimes people with anger and hurt can misdirect their feelings to other people. There are various reasons why an angry and hurt individual might want to project their feelings on to others such as attention, projection, or an outlet. There are many more other reasons.
August 6th, 2017 9:16pm
Because a person who is in pain , will feel rejected and unwanted so they push away others ,and they will start feeling the pain
August 10th, 2017 11:10am
Their mindset might be that, if they are in pain, everybody else must be too. Whether it's mental or physical, they feel as if they don't deserve this pain, so they want others to be unhappy as well.
August 12th, 2017 12:44am
because they want someone to understand how they feel and feel it with them. They dont want to be alone and feel hatred againt those who arent feeling what they are feeling (sometimes)