I want to come out to my parents so I can gain their support. What if my parents don't support me?
Last Updated: 01/30/2020 at 1:52pm
Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology
I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust
Top Rated Answers
First of all, I am very proud that you want to come out and are looking for advice about it! Support from parents is one of the most concerning of coming out, and what you're feeling is alright. That being said, unfortunately, rejection does happen, but there are ways that you can cope with that. Before coming out, it's best to see if you can predict their reaction. Are they generally open and accepting about LGBT issues or not? Bringing up the topic casually may help, and seeing how they react. If it turns out that they are not supportive, then it's best not to come out, especially if you are financially dependent on them. Your safety is the most important, always. If it does happen that you come out to them, and they are not accepting, what you do next depends on how severe the situation is. Are they kicking you out? Or are they simply refusing to acknowledge your identity? Different situations have different problems, but one way to prevent this is to prepare for the worst. You may want to pack a bag with all your essentials in it, save up some money and make sure you have a place to stay. Whether it be a friend or relative, make sure they are aware about the situation and are willing to house you for a while. Have someone that you trust with the situation, so if it does become the worst-case scenario, you still have a backup plan. So basically, - Make sure to predict how they might react, if it's not good, don't come out. - Have someone you trust about the situation, and willing to house you for awhile - Pack a bag and save some money - Most importantly, stay safe. Nothing is worth more than your safety Unfortunately, it comes down to this most of the times with us LGBT people. You are strong, and you can go through this! I believe in you, good luck! :D
This depends on what your parents' take on homophobia is. And you know that better than all of us here to judge whether you should come out or not. If you are at a risk from them disowning you and you are underage then it's best to wait until you aren't financially dependent on them to do so. I know it can be hard and it's not fair but either way you know your home situation better than anyone here. Either way I hope your parents understand and give you the support you need. Best of luck to you!
My sister came out to my very conservative parents through a letter. I was there when they read the letter. It gave them space to talk about it. And my sister gave them even social space for a few months after that. They referred to her partners as "good friends" for a while until it clicked with them that they love my sister deeply. And even tho their conclusions on life made it uncomfortable for them, they would love my sister. So they started inviting the partners to dinner. Now my sisters partner is their favourite. It took them a while because it was a worldview clash, but they have changed. This is definitely not everyones experience. And it was very uncomfortable for my sister for a while. So, knowing what is possible. Your parents will react, because it is new information. And they may be super ignorant. Which makes sense in some cultures and social circles right? Their ignorance or even their refusal to acknowledge what you tell them, is not, repeat is not an identity statement on you. It doesn't paint you with anything. You journey is beautiful and special and coming out to those who know you well is powerful and beautiful. But, don't go in naively. Set up support networks for before and after. It may be a little shocking and you may need shoulders to cry on. Although, depending on your parents, those shoulders might be theirs. Part of my mother process was grandchildren. But now they realise, my sister didn't want kids anyway. Their reaction also might be their worry over how society would treat you, It might be super emotional. But surround yourself with supportive people as you prepare. How would you like a friend to come out to you? What would be the best environment to be in with your parents to tell them? etc etc But I am proud of you. You courage and commitment to who you are is encouraging and makes this world a better place.
Well, first you need to consider whether or not they might accept you. For example, if they’re constantly saying bad things about the LGBT community, it may not be a good idea to come out to them. Remember that you don’t always have to come out. When I came out to my dad, he was very stereotypical and not accepting. It really ruined our relationship. It’s something I regret and didn’t take time to consider. My point is, you need to take your time to find out their beliefs. Do consider as well not telling them if you rely on them for financial support, college, housing or anything else that they could use to hold over you. Good luck friend. :)
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