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How can I open up to people more even if it scares me?

277 Answers
Last Updated: 06/10/2022 at 3:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 29th, 2021 12:56am
Some ways to open up to people more even if it scares you is to understand that they are not trying to judge you. Other people may want to help you with whatever troubles you make be going through. Also, it may help you in the long-run or in the future. Venting or letting out your feelings can help make you feel good about the current situation or help solve a problem that has been weighing you down. Talking about your feelings can help you express yourself and figure out why you are feeling the certain way you do.
Anonymous
February 11th, 2021 7:21am
Find friends, family, peers, or support workers that you are comfortable sharing your personal life with. It is a scary thing to overcome and can take a while but start by sharing not so personal things and moving up from there. You can practice with people online if that helps.. like 7Cups! Don't be afraid if a few people don't take it well! Not everyone is meant to handle others opening up to them. Asking for permission to open up to them a bit more might help. Figuring out how they react to others opening up can also help you find the right person. Remember to breathe and take things at a slow pace:)
Cherishedtruth8801
February 20th, 2021 1:09pm
Just with simple hi..and wait to respond them ya just trying to be funny with them in starting of conversation so they become comfortable and not hesitate to talk to me .always trying to find there way of mind and trying to connect that. I also feel like that when I do this way people feel connected to me and they feel good about that and ready to start to talk more freely and more openly sometime they connect with heart that makes them feel good and lighter and they forget there problems. That how I always try to open up with peoples.
Anonymous
February 24th, 2021 2:42am
I would suggest that you slowly create a support system for yourself with the people who are already close to you, and then slowly open up to others. Although, I’m not in your situation opening up to new people is much easier when you do it bit by bit rather than all at once. I’d also suggest to try making this other person feel that they can open up to you too. That way you can learn more about this other person, while they learn more about you. As I stated earlier, I’m not in your situation so I don’t know the specifics, but I understand how you feel and I hope everything turns out well for you.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2021 9:39pm
Even if it scare you to open up it is comforting to know that talking about your feelings almost always helps. Keeping feelings bottled up inside could easily cause a person to go crazy. Once you find someone you are able to open up to it makes things so much easier. I am sure it is not easy to open up to people especially strangers on a plat form like 7 cups, however on here it is a judgement free zone. 7 cups is a great place to feel free to discuss your feelings with people who dont know you.
Edd986
March 12th, 2021 8:26pm
It sounds like you feel you are in a position where you want to be as open as you can be but worry or panic about the reception you will receive about what you share. To understand where the fear of sharing information about yourself comes from you can reflect on if there was any experience you did share in the past with someone. What kind of response did you get from that past experience? What do you generally expect from people who are close to you? If worried about opening up it may be beneficial to put yourself in the shoes of the friend opening up to another friend about a topic or experience they feel uncomfortable sharing. If you have compassion for others then why not yourself for what you have gone through? Planning what you are going to say can also make things easier, as it allows you to get across how you feel more and so help someone else understand what you are going through. Sharing information about yourself is not something that needs to be rushed. It can be a gradual process. You may alert them that you feel afraid to share a personal experience but then tell them you are struggling and gradually let them know more as you begin to trust them more. It is really important to ask yourself what way of communication helps you become more open. Is it spoken communication? Is it through messaging, text, telephone or writing a letter? Do think of the method you feel suits you best. For further support feel free to communicate with one of our listeners of therapists anonymously. To open up takes trust and the right time. It's up to you to make that decision with patience and self-acceptance.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2021 8:33pm
I’d say try to take it one step at a time. You may have to build that trust with someone you feel comfortable with. It is important that you feel like they won’t judge you. Then if you start an open conversation, perhaps a topic on what you want to go deeper into, it will give them chance to speak their opinions on it and for you to open up a bit more. But make sure to keep it slow. If you do too much, you may get put off. Just try your best and that’s all you can do :)
Anonymous
March 24th, 2021 3:52pm
Thanks for reaching out! Opening up to people can leave you feeling hesitant, anxious and worry about being judged. Anxiety UK, Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) and Mental Health America are examples of organizations to help support those with Anxiety. As someone who identifies with what you are going through, my own personal experience opening up to people little by little has been helpful. Please know that there is no obligation for everyone to know everything about you! You don't exactly have to share everything with people the moment you meet them. Mystery is something! Everyone is in the same boat as you. We all fear being judged. The only difference is that some make it less obvious than others that they fear being judged. Let yourself have a fun time and enjoy yourself! You might want to ask yourself what you would like people to ask you questions about and then that can set up you asking them questions. That can be a good start! Take opening up as a chance for people to change whatever perceptions they have of you prior to opening up. Opening up is an opportunity! You are welcome to communicate with one of our listeners or therapists on our site for further support. Also available on our site are mindfulness exercises and self-help guides to look into! I tell myself that no one is judging you and you're the only one making it hard on yourself. I think this way of thinking has really helped me opened up to other people. I hope you come to realize is that don't be too difficult about yourself.
Anonymous
April 14th, 2021 12:06am
You shouldn’t let fear stop you. There are going to be people who dearly care for you and want you to open up to them so they can help understand you. Not everyone will betray you or use your feeling agasint you just remember that. You are not alone and there are many people out there willing to help you or even strangers online you reach out to when you are feeling alone. Don’t be scared of opening up because there are people who probably open up to you who are also terrified to speak about there feelings too
Anonymous
April 14th, 2021 10:19pm
Start small. Relate your experiences to others. Share a hobby you like or a song that resonates with you. Little by little, you're giving your loved ones breadcrumbs of who you are. Once you begin to feel more comfortable, you can start breaking off bigger chunks. Quality time with people will also help. Comfort is a major part of opening up. Learn more about the other person too. You never know what you might have in common. Trust is important too. It can be difficult, as from personal experience. Part of opening up is trusting that the other person wants to hear what you have to say and wants to help you. Opening up can be daunting at first, but just doing a little bit everyday can help immensely.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2021 3:45pm
Opening up to people can be nerve wrecking, but sometimes it is worth asking yourself what it is that scares you about it. Often we feel nervous because we have some sort of expectation of how the interaction should go, or what sort of outcome it should have, and then when things don't go as planned we feel upset, or like we have failed in some way. Also, past experiences of being hurt by someone you have opened up to can make you scared to open up to new people. I found starting small and working on my expectations really helped me open up.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2021 6:37pm
It's often best to start off small finding someone you can trust, with a small topic that you want to tell them and go from there. I know it can be scary, however maybe by starting off small it will decrease your fear and how scared you are. I hope you find a way that works for you, this is how i learned to open up to people. By choosing the right people to open to at the begining until you are confident enough to just be open constantly. Choose understanding, loving people you can open to, people who has proven they care and won´t judge you for who you are, it sounds weird but there are many people in the world who just accept you for who you are.
Anonymous
April 28th, 2021 7:55pm
While many people believe opening up or even talking to people is easy to do, there are many of us who have anxiety over such a thing. Taking small steps to open up is a great place to start. Opening up about certain things in our lives can be very scary, but also liberating, once we are able to do so. It can feel good to let someone else into our lives, but it is also understandable, the fear, that is associated with it. Starting with small snippets of information about my life, is how I dipped my toes in the water, and found it to be more helpful!
serenityandhope
May 1st, 2021 7:29pm
Approach someone who you trust and are close to, and believe that they have your best interests in mind. You can start off by sharing small parts of the story and wait to see how they react before continuing on and sharing more in depth with them. Hopefully they are reassuring to you, and actively listen to what you are saying. This can make you feel like a huge weight has lifted of your shoulders. By opening up to someone it should make you feel more relieved and less pressured as the proverbial saying goes 'a problem shared, is a problem halved'.
Listenerheretohelp
May 14th, 2021 5:30pm
By understanding that you are a one of a kind person and great human being and if people don’t like you for who you are you shouldn’t want to be there friend anyway. By being yourself you can attract real friends who like you for you and not what you can do for them.sometimes the best thing you can do is work on your self in silence and not be worried about having friends and work on being the most successful version of you .By being yourself your setting your self up for real friends and people who care about you genuinely
Anonymous
May 20th, 2021 2:41am
Remember that when you open up, you are showing your true self. Everything that’s ever happened to you. You are embracing it and telling people when you open up, you are special no matter what you’ve been through. You could open up by remembering that you are taking a courageous step for yourself. You have to remember you are doing this for yourself. To improve yourself. When you open up it will help in your bravery. What happened in your past does not define you. You define yourself in every way you want. Find the courage within you and remember you are doing this for yourself, because you deserve to let some steam go.
UntoldStory
May 28th, 2021 1:27am
From my own personal experience I learned that people cannot communicate effectively with me if I am not open and honest. My husband always said, "I am not psychic, you need to talk to me." I really took that heart and use it with my friends and family more often. If I am not communicating then I would be reacting with emotions and others could not understand why. Sure, opening up may not always be positive, but not doing it at all will usually end up having a negative effect. Also if someone else can learn something from me to take away then that is great. We are allowed to open up at our pace, so do not feel burdened in anyways , maybe start with parts of you that you are more comfortable sharing , initiating a supportive rapport can help establish comfort. Good luck .
friendlyHeart9279
June 3rd, 2021 9:47am
When you are scared of something, a method that I learned is to work with a "scale of scariness." Write down on a sheet of paper numbers from 1 to 10 (1 means "not scary" and 10 means "so scared I am afraid to die"). Besides each number, write down situations that triggers this type of fear. For instance, a 1 (not scary), could be giving a compliment to someone that you know very well, for instance your parent. A 4 might be giving your opinion in a work meeting. A 7 would be to talk about your emotions. A 10 could be to open up about your childhood traumas to the love of your life. Now, the best thing to do could be to give you small challenges each week. For example, on the first week, you try to do the 1. Then on the second week, you try to achieve the 2. And on the tenth week, you try the 10. If you work this way, you desensitize yourself to your greatest fears very slowly.
Smilethepainsaway
June 6th, 2021 6:03am
First it's important to believe the opposite person. And more than that we should be wise in choosing the person we would like to open up with. For that, you can try talking openly to your family, to your best friends whom you can believe completely. We also should understand that not everything is meant to be shared to everyone. It is good that we keep some things for ourselves. But when the feelings are painful then sure you need to open up to someone. Opening up is like a burden being kept down or transferred. The more we start to believe and trust people, the more we'll feel free to share things.
Krishnaramanivadali
June 20th, 2021 11:45am
You don't have to pressurise yourself to open up to someone. You can take your time. Be comfortable with the situation and the person. Once you build rapport with someone, you automatically gain confidence and will be able to share. But in any case of you do not want to share and you do not trust the space, you can always choose not to. If opening up is really neccesary for you, try communicating your emotions. Try telling the person that you are scared and probably need time to open up. Communication helps. The opposite person might understand and might try to make you comfortable.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2021 4:39am
Opening up to people can be scary at first but trust me once you do, all that built up rage or sadness or whatever is all let go. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder and you now have someone who will be there for you. You won't have to fight your battles on your own because there will be someone there who understands your situation. Of course, it is hard to open up but it allows you to feel more at peace knowing that you aren't alone in a situation which is always a plus.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2021 9:06pm
Opening up to people can be hard. I've found it important to speak freely to accomplish tasks at the time when I began. However, I've found that opening up for me required a judgment of the right timing, space, an people. Opening up to others for myself has been important but its been most meaningful to speak in a space that was safe and would not be abused by those who would not care/try to harm/etc.. Overall, I found the most courage by seeking to address issues that matter most to myself and when opening up would let me not just achieve my own goal of speaking but also allow me to advance another mission.
liainsalia
July 14th, 2021 11:22pm
This is something that is really tough. From personal experience, I can tell you that you aren't alone and it doesn't make you any less of a person. Try not to push it, don't push yourself to do anything you aren't comfortable with which is contrary to the "get out of your comfort zone" which you usually hear. But opening up where you aren't comfortable will only make you close up even further. Slowly, but surely, try to sit in the same room around people more. Then try starting conversations with them - even if about the weather or something you learned today.
kindheartedfavour29
July 15th, 2021 1:06pm
Think about why you find it scary to open up. Then, when you know what affects you, find boundaries with yourself and others about how far you would like to go when speaking. Realise that people are genuinely nice more than not and focus less on the what ifs. Start with your name and a few interests and you'll start to feel more comfortable. Don't rush. Just take your time. Then, make sure to unwind from discussion seeing as the experience used to scare you. I really hope this was some what helpful. Have a good day. Bye bye.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2021 8:02am
I think you should know first that you deserve as much right as anyone to socialize, second build your self-esteem and remind yourself that you are more than capable and also it is not a must to open up to big crowds or friend groups try opening up a little more to people you are more comfortable around and definitely gradually you will be in more interactions with more people. Lastly don't overthink it remember that friendship is not one man's boat and that you both or you all should hold up your end. You don't need to burden yourself carrying around the bulk of the relationship. Don't force it. It should work out naturally
Anonymous
August 15th, 2021 3:13pm
It is essential to start talking about what scares you with someone you trust. This is one of the practices that helps me a lot to open up. It is certainly not easy as it sounds. Initially, every people will feel the same to open up even to the most trusted person. It is fine to feel that people will judge us for opening silly feelings. Many will judge us. It is also difficult finding the person whom you can trust to talk about the problem and who will listen. But all we need is one person and one help to lift and move the burden.
neyahbellow
September 8th, 2021 8:18pm
Feeling forced to do leaves a lot of pressure on you! Don't tell them everything at once, take your time to feel comfortable. I've struggled in the past with opening up and although it feels better to be yourself and let others see the true you, it's a lot easier to slowly tell them more about yourself as opposed to bombarding them with information. It can feel overwhelming on both ends and depending on the situation, uncomfortable. I wish you the best of luck and I hope this helped a little. It's hard but you can do whatever you like to help you. Remember mental health always comes first!
Zahraa000
October 28th, 2021 1:19am
Fear is an illusory feeling that does not exist, Iam convinced of that, so i will open up to the world and nothing will stand in front of me. Trust that because openness to the world opens up unlimited horizons for me I get to know people who are intellectually and culturally diffrent from me . I learn from them and they learn from me. Thus, I will develop and learn about other cultures.
MrsJudgie006
December 12th, 2021 8:23am
First give yourself permission to open freely. Talk about the minor things like asking what things they like. Don't force yourself to open up if you don't really want to. It takes time to feel comfortable opening freely. We're all taking things at our own speeds. If you are looking for some hope in a relationship, an expectation of having a strong emotional connection is high. Many people who are scared to open up often think that bad things will happen and will always think the worst. Sometimes things are good and our doubts shut us in. This is whenever you're able to push forward.
Womerz
December 22nd, 2021 7:30pm
I think you have to try really hard to recognize that the people who want you to open up to them, do so because they care about you. Whether it be friends or family, partners or colleagues, they are there to support you. It can be extremely scary to be in that vulnerable state, but it really helps people to feel connected to one another. I found it really scary to tell my boyfriend the full extent of my relationship anxiety, it was so hard. Once I had taken the plunge however, I felt such a weight off my shoulders.