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How can I stop arguing with myself in my mind?

17 Answers
Last Updated: 04/16/2021 at 7:16pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Cynthia Stocker, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.

Top Rated Answers
June 10th, 2015 12:57am
You can't. Second-guessing and even arguing with yourself is a normal thing - the key is to not let it get in the way of your day-to-day activities. Ask yourself why you're arguing, and if the point of your arguments is truly something to dwell on - once you've resolved the issue internally, you can start solving things externally.
June 29th, 2015 4:17am
Find peace, find God, you will feel incredible, I promise! Believe in yourself and just think you can do and be whatever you want!
September 21st, 2015 9:28pm
You need to forgive yourself. Living in peace with your mind is the most important thing in your life, believe me. I forgave myself everything, and now I'm happy
March 25th, 2019 6:49am
Don't try. Right!! No matter how absurd this idea seem to be but the best way to quite a mind is to let it be. A mind is like a muddy water in a vessel. If you would try to force it settling down the mud will keep floating at the top. However, if you would let it be the water will quite and the mud will start settling down at the bottom of the vessel. Most of the times the best solution is to let the situation be as it is. I think there is a beauty in not trying.
May 17th, 2015 11:23am
Try to relax. Take deep breaths and find an outlet to distract yourself with. Something like music or drawing can make a difference between running circles in your mind and being able to move past it.
September 1st, 2015 1:09pm
By letting go of what is bringing you down. It seems like a never ending pattern of constantly telling yourself that today is the last day you will do it but then the next day you do it again and again and AGAIN. Stop tricking yourself into thinking that something good can come out of a situation when in reality that situation is bringing you down every day.
February 1st, 2016 8:19am
It's usually a good idea to find some kind of distraction - going for a long walk, or to the gym (physical activity is really good, and helps you feel more positive too)!
July 31st, 2018 7:06am
Ignore yourself, or, if that's too hard, speak positive thoughts and sooner than later, those thoughts will give up and go away, not to say they won't always be here, but let positivity and goodness defeat all bad.
June 23rd, 2015 12:16am
I don't know how to really answer this one, as I have battled with this for most of my life thus far. I do know that when I have meditated, it really helps to cease the mental battlefield. Also, positive affirmations tend to help the mental chatter as well.
June 29th, 2015 4:25am
That is tough, but activities that help practice mindfulness is usually a way to get our brains in gear. Yoga, meditation, exercise are all really great ways to do that. There are tons of resources online to get connected without even paying someone to help you ;)
February 27th, 2018 4:22pm
Think about something else, think about things that make you happy and less stressed. Dont focus on the things that make you feel upset.
December 14th, 2015 9:49am
Try and get to the solution of the problem. Or you can indulge your mind in things that you like to do like some hobby or something. That'll help you get your mind off negative thinking
June 14th, 2016 3:00pm
Meditate. Keep calm and confident. If possible clean up your drawer at your workplace or organise your bookself. Research shows it helps to clear the mind.
August 13th, 2018 5:27am
Write it out on paper. Crumble it up and throw it away or burn it. Or reach out to someone and talk about it to figure out your feeling to cope with them
November 3rd, 2020 1:39am
One way I've found useful is to try to exhaust whatever it is you're thinking about to a point where you feel almost bored by the subject. It seems counter intiuitive, at first, but for me I felt that I would inevitably argue / think / go over whatever has happened to me anyway. Anything else would be suppression, and a distraction is temporary. So how to get bored with a subject? Go over it with someone. Preferably someone anonymous (Like 7 Cups!), where friends and family won't feel overwhelmed by your insistance on a single subject which is troubling you. This may not be a pieace of advice transferable to every situation, but it worked in mine. If you feel as though your day cannot begin, your life cannot begin again, without getting hijacked by your mind thinking about something from the past; try talking about it with someone. Over and over again. Your mind gets bored by certain aspects of it, and won't bring it up as often during your day. Thank you.
April 16th, 2021 7:16pm
Talk aloud to yourself. I'll elaborate. Each of "us" has two brains, each of which has a personality of its own. You can see this in examples of people who have been lobotomised or have had a traumatic brain injury that has effectively separated the two hemispheres. You can ask the same questions independently to each side of these now independent brains and get different answers even on some very profound issues like the existence of a god. This is why it's possible to be conflicted with yourself. Your conscious perception is that you are one mind that should have one point of view, but in truth we are two brains each of which has its own opinions. In order to reliably formulate intentions the conscious mind has to either come to a compromise between the two differing opinions, or reconcile both hemispheres to the same view. And the problem here is that the connection between the hemispheres is incomplete. We haven't yet evolved sufficient interconnectivity for the two sides to literally communicate with each other. Now the problem becomes one of how to express something conceptually complex to something with which you have no mechanism for communication. So, the solution ultimately is to speak aloud to yourself. So you begin talking aloud about the thing you feel conflicted about, and one hemisphere or the other will dominate in expressing its opinion, since they can both cause the body to act "intentionally" but you can physiologically only say one thing at a time. Both sides of your brain will perceive what you say as you continue this out loud discussion of the thing you are conflicted about. Allow your opinion to change throughout it, like you are playing devils advocate to yourself by taking the role of both hemispheres. And then see where that conversation takes you. The two hemispheres might, once communicating adequately, be able to reach a compromise. Or one of them might be willing to concede as long as its view has been respected. Unfortunately it's considered bad form to talk aloud to yourself because people think you've gone "insane". Sanity apparently means repressing your inner monologue to a weird "thinking words to yourself inside your auditory feedback loop which is probably not interconnected between your brains so they won't know what the other is thinking" kind of thing. This would be a great social stigma to break as we have to live with ourselves so it seems rational that we should communicate with ourselves.
June 20th, 2017 9:59am
I find that writing down my thoughts allows me to organize and understand what my true conflict is. Being able to look back on what I've said allows me to come to a solution.