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How can I stop being a control freak?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 07/25/2016 at 8:40am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Graham Barrone, ICHP, MCBT


If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.

Top Rated Answers
November 20th, 2014 4:49pm
I think this completely depends on what you believe to be a control freak. Are you controlling every aspect of your life? If so, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Are you controlling everyone around you as well? If so, that may be an issue for the other person involved. How about taking the time to sit down with them and ask what they would like for you to do? You can always try stepping back from the situation or giving yourself daily goals. Maybe a goal could be something along the lines of letting someone else make the decision about whatever the issue is. :) there is always something you can do. Don't give up!
November 21st, 2014 1:53am
Feeling a need to take control may be rooted in anxiety. Do you know what you might be anxious about? Addressing underlying anxieties, or even just noticing and understanding them, can help a lot in beginning to change you behaviors.
November 22nd, 2014 9:34pm
Relax! As Mandy Hale says 'you don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe trust, let go and see what happens' Just be flowsome (my special word meaning go with the flow and be awesome) try to forget all the reasons who it wont work and believe in the one reason it will! :)
December 27th, 2014 10:07pm
I think the best way to deal with this is to understand why you feel the need to be controlling in the first place. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) might help with this. If you feel that it isn't impacting your life heavily, try delegating more tasks to those around you that you think could be reliable, keep reminding yourself that you are helping no one, especially yourself in trying to handle everything on your own.
February 1st, 2016 2:54pm
I think it's important to realize where you come from in this question: do you think you are too controlling, or do people tell you that you are too controlling? If i were you, I'd start to journal about specific instances that you encounter in your daily life, then consider things like "How could I have handled that better?" or "Did I influence the situation positively?" I personally think it's good to logically think through out problems. Hope that helped! :3
February 3rd, 2016 1:21pm
It is important to learn to accept yourself and others, be ok to settle with "good enough." Sometimes it's hard not to want to be in charge of situations and make everything "perfect," but as soon as you master going easier on things, you will be happier.
February 4th, 2016 11:52pm
You need to focus on what you are actually able to control. Other peoples feelings/minds/opinions, is not one of them. Your own of the latter, as well as many other things are in your control. If you focus on these, like your own actions and feelings, your own life, and your environment within reason, you will feel greater control over your surroundings, and you won't adversely affect those around you.
February 6th, 2016 7:04am
While it sounds easier said than done, try not to stress too much about the little things: try to sort all the issues you notice into "big deals", as in, will affect something important in a big way, and "little things", things that would be nice to fix, but aren't necessary to get the job done. It helps minimize stress slightly, at least for me.
November 19th, 2014 4:02am
One of the best ways to stop being a control freak is to figure out why you are one. Do you need to control things because you don't trust others to get the job done? Do things being out of your power leave you with anxiety or panic? Once you know the cause (or at least part of it) you can work on figuring out specific, targeted ways to help you become more comfortable with letting loose. You might want to talk about it with friends, family members, or a therapist, teacher, doctor, or clergy member you trust.
November 23rd, 2014 8:38pm
If you want MY opinion, I would say do or don't. If you like the way you are, stay that way! You don't have to change your own personality for other people. If you want to stop, try getting used to the world! Not everything is perfect, but just try letting others take in for you, while you relax.
December 4th, 2014 3:00am
Understand that the only thing you can control are your thoughts, your actions, your feelings, and yourself. Practice letting things go. Since you've recognized it's a problem for you, talk about it and continue to be aware of when you're trying to control a situation.
December 7th, 2014 3:46am
Trying to figure out why you want or need control is important, in my opinion. Then you can work through the underlying issue and may not crave control anymore.
December 16th, 2014 10:26pm
Work on letting other people take control of what you're doing. Let's say it's a school project, have someone else work on the project and let them take a bit of control
December 30th, 2014 11:34pm
You have to realize that people have their own opinion about certain things. It may not always be the same as yours, but then again, you are not always right!
January 2nd, 2015 9:08pm
Try to figure out the difference between things you can change, and things that you just need to wait and go with the flow. Consider potential outcomes and try to prepare for those, rather than to try to force situations to go your way all the time. It gets a lot easier to let go with practice, so start small.
April 16th, 2015 5:17pm
Calm down. Breathe in, out, in, out, and again. Meditate. Do some yoga. Watch a movie. Relax for a moment. Now, listen to others. Realize that everything isn't perfect.
December 1st, 2015 7:22pm
take baby steps let stuff go don't just boss or instruct take opinions and slowly ease out so its easier for you and others
January 5th, 2016 10:07pm
Try understanding other people's views, perspectives and needs. They might not agree with yours but there can be compromises. I used to be a real control freak. I didn't ever mean to be I just always worried and the more something worried me the more I'd get controlling. Then I realized I was pushing people away. I decided to talk with them. I asked about their needs and wants and compromised with mine. It has helped a lot and has made my life way more relaxed
January 14th, 2016 4:11am
I've learned to let go through looking past small situations (i.e. messes, mess-ups, etc), and trying to focus on the bigger picture. For example, would a small mistake be what someone includes in a biographic film about me? Probably not! They'd focus on my major accomplishments!
January 17th, 2016 6:09am
You'll probaly grow out of it. I did but if you need help contact for more help. Then see about it from there
January 22nd, 2016 12:36am
Usually one who likes to control, are those that don't trust others and they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed in some fashion..... , therefore; when they think they have control of things they feel it will protect them from others hurting them.
January 23rd, 2016 4:49am
Don't let them take control of you or get the best of u.stand up to the firmly and always stand strong with your head held high.
January 25th, 2016 5:40pm
You can learn to stop being a control freak by letting others make discussions for themselves. And then by doing so you will have the privilege to seeing a person grow & blossom in life by letting them do so.
January 28th, 2016 4:43am
By realizing that you cant control everyone and everything in your life. You have to come to the conclusion that you cant make someone into who you want them to be. There are certain things in your life you must let go of. Letting go of control does not mean you dont love or value someone or something it means that you pick and choose your battles.
January 31st, 2016 6:52pm
Ask yourself why you're a controlfreak. Maybe note what are the advantages and disadvantages to being a control freak in certain areas and be sure you know where it hurts you and where it helps. Adjust this skill/part of you accordingly and chose an are where you would like to let go a little bit more. Think about what could happen and what could be better when you did not control this part as tightly and just try to let it be..
February 6th, 2016 7:03am
You should ask yourself why you try to control things in such a way, and what you expect to gain because of that. Could it be that the issues you try to control, are just a symptom of a deeper underlying issue that you feel unable to control? In other words, is this a compensating mechanism, to help you feel in control in those areas that you may not be able to control? Often we chase feelings rather than reality, and feeling in control of small things may compensate for not feeling in control of other more important things. Reflecting on one's own behaviour may help resolve the deeper underlying issue.
February 12th, 2016 7:09am
Try being in a situation where you cannot control things at all, and try to experience what it's like to be okay with it.
July 25th, 2016 8:40am
This is a mantra that has been inspired by a prayer I read somewhere: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.