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How can I stop hating and criticizing myself so much?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 05/19/2020 at 11:43pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
February 13th, 2017 3:33am
Everytime you think "I hate myself" or similar, try to counter-act it with at least one thought of something good about yourself, even if you're reaching. Things like "I got out of bed at least" or "my hair doesn't look bad" or "I didn't have a terrible accident today" are valid! When you criticize yourself, think about a more positive way you could have delivered that thought. For instance if you think, "I messed that up" you could add, "I could have handled that better" or "but I didn't mess it up worse at least" When you catch yoruself judging yourself and hating yourself, try to stop those thoughts - but don't judge yourself for having them. It will take time to correct this line of thinking. These are cogintive behavioral therapy techniques if you are interested in more reading.
November 25th, 2014 9:13pm
I think a good method for this would be to exercise your mind. Tape a piece of paper to your wall and write down one positive thing about yourself each day. This will build up over time and show you what a great person you are.
December 3rd, 2014 1:51am
Don't compare yourself to other people. This can lead to the hating and criticizing. Self Criticizing is a big part of growing up. As you grow older, it'll fade. For now, immediately stop the negative talk, find your talents whether they be silly or serious and work towards building it up. Practice. Consider who you hang out with if your friends are bringing you down. You don't deserve that, but friends who bring you up and help you succeed.
July 19th, 2016 10:34pm
Hey sweetie, this is a tough question, and I still struggle with this from time to time. It is important to realize that nobody is perfect, and you are only human. Everyone makes mistakes, and with those mistakes, you'll grow as a person. A good way to hate yourself less, is try to surround yourself with people who truly love, and care about you. As for self critcizim, YOU are your hardest judge. As an artist, I will see flaws in my artwork that the people around me can't. Don't bring yourself down for your imperfections because people around you won't see them. You need to know that you are a beautiful, wonderful, and unique individual, and you are great. Not to mention, everybody is imperfect; But the two words to spell that is "I'm perfect." Sweetie, know it's hard, but you need to learn to love yourself. Unfortunately, it's more socially acceptable to criticize yourself, than to love yourself. Be you, and don't be so hard on yourself. You are Be-you-tiful. Hope this helps!
November 25th, 2014 1:01am
What I can tell you is accept the fact that you are a human. Do not try to be perfect because you can not. Try to find a balance where necessary self-criticism does not become an implacable judge only condemns.
April 10th, 2015 10:23am
Take it a step at a time. Learning how to love yourself doesn't happen overnight! Look at why do you feel this way towards yourself. Everyone has flaws, imperfections, regrets, and insecurities, so you aren't alone for feeling this way! Surround yourself with positive, loving people. Start by affirming at least one good thing about yourself every day, even if you won't feel the same way about it tomorrow. The point is that you're wonderful and valuable just as you are, simply because you exist.
April 15th, 2015 4:07pm
find the reason of hating and try to improve self in that,see the other people who are less blessed than us,we are better than them
April 17th, 2015 9:13pm
Everyday you can look yourself on the mirror and think at least one kind word about your appearence. Tell yourself you're beautiful every breathing hour.
May 15th, 2015 12:00pm
Try setting smaller goals for yourself. If the things you want from yourself are too big, you can't achieve them right away, which makes you expect more from yourself. If you have smaller goals, or smaller thing you want yourself to do, you feel like you achieves something more easily.
August 16th, 2016 5:39pm
You can stop hating and criticizing yourself too much by claiming that you are valuable and this value is not dependent on anything. You are just inherently valuable. So I guess you have to remind yourself of that from time to time. Also, recognize that you are human. You have mistakes but your mistakes are not you. They don't define who you are; You are bigger than them. Only you can define who you will be so if you keep on hating and criticizing yourself then, you are turning yourself into something hated and powerless. What is important is that you commit to not doing the mistakes and trying very hard to stick to it. I think the point to remember who we are, that we are valuable and that our lives are very precious which should empower us to also place value on ourselves but also to other people.
August 21st, 2017 4:48pm
Try to be understanding of yourself. Accept yourself, and try to focus on the things you do well. For example, rather than saying "I'm not good at ..." say "I am good at..."
November 25th, 2014 2:25am
You have to remember that nobody is perfect. Everybody is different and that's what makes us unique.
November 28th, 2014 6:45pm
Take a step back and imagine your reflection as being a different person, would you still say the same things to them as you say to yourself?
December 7th, 2014 11:07pm
I can look at myself in the mirror and say all the positive things I love about myself, or I can write down 5 things a day!
December 14th, 2014 9:37pm
It's a long journey, to be sure. Counseling may help. There are some activities that can help: Gratitude Journal, positive quite book, positive affirmations, mindfulness, meditation, visualization, making a Happy Box of good notes and self-caring items, and the CBT strategy of challenging distorted thoughts. Google can help you find more detail on any one of these ideas. As hard as it can be to make these changes, it is possible. With effort and time and continually trying these strategies, things can improve. Hang in there.
December 31st, 2014 1:20am
Embrace the positive parts of you! Little by litle you'll start seeing that the "negative" parts of you are better than you think.
April 25th, 2015 8:23am
You have to think of yourself in a more positive light. You are and can be whatever you set your mind on.
June 7th, 2015 8:48pm
You can only stop hating yourself when u start using that hate on your performance. Let me give u an example. I used to play basketball and ofcourse i sucked at it. The frustration and humiliation i faced was too much. I started hating myself and criticising myself for not performing. This is the point where it makes u or breaks u. I got so pissed with myself that i started using all that anger to drive myself and train. Whenever i felt like quitting i always used to remember the humiliation and anger. Eventually i beat my ownself. I started performing better. I know its easy to say than be done. But yes i have done it. Lets be real, u cant live without criticising yourself. But u can use to in both good and bad ways. And u should keep criticising yourself about what you have done for the community and yourself. It will actually help us to know where we stand in the grand spectacle of things.
July 23rd, 2015 11:27pm
Try to turn your negativity about yourself into positive thoughts - practice positive self talk everytime you find yourself criticizing yourself tell yourself something that you like about yourself instead..turn it into something positive..remember that nobody is perfect you are you! You're so much more :) we often are too hard on ourselves than anybody else.. The next time you notice that you are criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to Perfect You or comparing yourself to anybody else, stop. Hit the pause button in your head. Tell yourself that "I love and accept all of myself.” Now imagine that you’re giving yourself a hug, internally. Try to generate a feeling of self-compassion. When you do this regularly you will start to notice that love and self-compassion can shift even the strongest negative thoughts and emotions and allow you to enjoy more of your life. “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Jack Kornfield
August 4th, 2015 6:34pm
Perhaps writing down your positives and your strengths may be a good place to start. Focus on the positive things people have said about you in the past, focus on your good points and possibly put them to the test with things you like/enjoy doing
August 18th, 2015 7:11am
¡Comienza a ser tú mismo y deja de pensar en los demás! La única persona que debe importarte eres tú, tú vales mucho, tú eres de oro.
November 30th, 2015 7:12pm
By believing in yourself and your actions. Think about what you can do in life for yourself and others.
February 23rd, 2016 2:35pm
You should understand that everyone is beautiful in their own way. It's what makes use unique. You should never compare yourself to others, because what suits others might not suit you.
May 30th, 2016 6:33pm
Learn to recognise what you love about yourself and when you see that in yourself, compliment it rather than critizing your imperfections. Get in to the habit of thinking positively over negatively and be nicer to others and you will soon be nice to yourself.
December 18th, 2017 5:22pm
Self critique is sometimes important and can be a useful tool to help us see our flaws/weaknesses from a deeper perspective, and that should encourage us to do better each time. However, if we constantly blames and judge ourselves for the reasons that it wasn't something we're responsible for in the first place or can be in charge of - certain situations (because we cannot control everything in our lives) then that approach/attitude can be very unhealthy. If you've achieved a goal or did something nice for your family or friends, and you made them happy which in most cases you would, then be proud of yourself that you have shown love and care for the other person. The truth is there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.
May 14th, 2018 10:45pm
This is a very difficult, and even a pretty personal question, as people have different reasons for feeling certain ways. Try to find something small each day that can help you feel more positively about yourself- for example, each night before bed, think of one good thing you did that day, and really appreciate yourself for the way you acted. Or, if it's more of an personal body-image/appearance thing, each morning while getting ready for the day, try to pick one thing in your outfit/appearance that you might be really proud of (i.e. "Wow, my hair looks really nice today!" or "My skin looks clearer today," or "I like the way these jeans fit.") Try a little thing at first, and work your way towards a continuous self-love and self-care practice!
March 5th, 2019 4:42pm
I always use a few moments of my morning to give myself positive affirmations, tell myself things I love/like about myself. I stay away from the negative. The more you practice Mindfulness skills and Self Validation the easier it is to love yourself. Everyday just look in the mirror and tell yourself everything, even if you start to think negatively, just keep reassuring yourself of the positive things. It may take a month or two to see real results maybe sooner than that but gradually you will no longer have to practice it and it will become automatic :). I hope that helps.
May 19th, 2020 11:43pm
I try to remember daily to write things I am grateful for, sometimes just the little things I overlook can lift my spirit to reflect on what is good in my life rather than what I don’t “like,” as simple as; “I am grateful to have a bed to sleep in”, can bring my focus back on the things that remind me that I’m doing great, where I am right now! Bringing my attention to what I do have as opposed to what I don’t have brings my emotions to a place of joy and helps keep me from criticizing what’s “wrong” with me & seeing what’s right with me.