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How do I focus on what I want and stop trying to please everybody?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 09/04/2017 at 10:11pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am committed to helping you find your passion, heal old wounds, and flow smoother in all aspects of your life path! I use a compassionate listening approach.

Top Rated Answers
May 28th, 2015 12:00am
Create a list of what everyone else around you wants. Next place everyone on that list in the order of importance. Then, if you are not the #1 person on the top of that list, change the list so that you are. Remember, you really can't please anyone else until your own needs are met, so don't be afraid to do a little for yourself, then you can takle number 2 and on until the list is complete.
December 28th, 2015 3:02am
I would make a list. Firstly of things you want and need, then on things that please other people. Take a look at those lists, what overlaps? What is the total opposite? Start making goals that steer away from those opposites on more on the overlaps and the things that make you happy. YOU make your own happiness, no one else does. Care for yourself first. Then others when it's right for you.
February 26th, 2015 6:04pm
Learn how to say "no",there's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand. Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences. What you think and feel are important too, you don't always need to put everyone first because you have your won life to live. It's good to help people and do it when you feel like you can and want but don't forget that you are a person too that need to make your own choices in life and follow your own heart.
April 6th, 2015 7:59pm
It's much easier said than done, but think of your priorities and needs and do those before you worry about anybody else.
April 10th, 2015 6:21pm
Just do it. You can't do nothing against if you won't that. You have to learn it and just do it, that's all!
April 26th, 2015 3:51pm
You can't please everybody. It's impossible, for anyone to do. Each person goes through various different experiences in their life, have different personalities, different thoughts, different interests, different beliefs and different views on anything and everything. There is bound to be some mismatch between 2 people, on quite a few aspects. It's inevitable. So the logical thing to do is to focus on oneself, putting that as the first priority. Of course, we should reach out for others, and help them when required, but we should not do it so much so that it degrades our own well-being. This is what I follow. It gives me control over what I do, self worthiness, boldness and peace of mind. You can only do so much. And that is enough. :)
May 3rd, 2015 5:57pm
Simply learn to say no... you aren't going to have time for yourself if you are always doing what everyone else wants you to do.
May 24th, 2015 4:21am
Why you want to please any one ??? Just be your self. Its not matter of you that what other thinks about you. Its there own opinion don't judge your self on their thoughts. Make please only your self first. If you can't please your own self then how can other?
June 3rd, 2015 10:00pm
Try to involve yourself in self-care. Know that taking care of yourself is important and it helps build up your self esteem. I found that having a good self esteem helped me to not be really concerned with other peoples wants from me, but rather what I wanted from myself
December 1st, 2015 3:26pm
Try to understand yourself, trust it and have the courage to make a decision based on what you actually feel.
December 29th, 2015 7:37am
Listen to what you really want and always staying true to yourself, no matter what everyon else says
January 12th, 2016 2:47am
I focus on my goals ☺ and make it happen 😆 i take time for myself and always think about my future and what it holds for me
January 19th, 2016 12:01pm
By underlining what it is you want, why you want it and just maintain a strong conviction. People will not always agree and neither will they support you and this is why it is important to know why you want something to begin with
February 15th, 2016 4:11am
You have to love yourself, just as you love other people. Recognize that if you're going to try and please others, you need to fulfill your own needs first. It's hard to help others when you yourself are in dire need of help as well. Consider what would make you haopy before thinking of others, then try to accommodate their wishes as well.
July 5th, 2016 9:29am
Think about what you think you need, instead of pleasing any body else. If someone needs some help or something. It is good to do that of another person, but always try to take care of yourself first!
September 19th, 2016 11:10pm
Learn to say "No" and don´t feel bad about your dreams and plans. And the most important thing: when chasing your dream don´t be afraid to loose that time invested in something you don´t feel passionate about, like years of studies or work experience, because at the end these years are the life lived, not the time wasted.
October 17th, 2016 7:53pm
Breathe and remember "what's mine is mine and what's theirs is theirs." You are not responsible for the happiness of others. The only person you have to please is yourself. You are your longest relationship.
November 8th, 2016 4:51pm
First thing first. Stop trying, Because the harder you make it, easier it is to slip back. Relax and think what you want.
December 27th, 2016 3:24am
This can be tough, especially when you're a people please (and I have been one majority of my life). You genuinely get to a point when you literally are fed up with what everyone else wants. This is a hard stage to be in because bitterness can ensue. In an effort to make sure that doesn't happen, start believing that it is absolutely ok for you to do what makes you happy, regardless of what everyone else wants.
September 4th, 2017 10:11pm
You have to realise that you are important too and your life is your own, pleasing people you love is good but it's a choice that you have to make : be a good person and please the people around you OR be a good person and refuse to have your life stolen away from you and do what YOU want with YOUR life