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How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?

171 Answers
Last Updated: 05/25/2022 at 4:45pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 6th, 2020 5:05pm
First of all, there's nothing wrong with feeling close to people that you care about in life. It's okay to rely on others for support. However, if your worry is about getting too, too overly attached, I have some tips for that. Remember in life that the person you should prioritize is you! You are the constant in your life. Remember that you can always rely on yourself, as well as any super close family/friends in life. Also, a way to avoid becoming too over attached is to learn to enjoy independence and being with yourself. Being by yourself is a chance to reflect on your goals, ideals, and who you are as a person. Enjoy your independence and take time to relax from the loud sounds of the world when you can.
Smilingfuture
August 7th, 2020 7:45am
Its human nature, to be connected with people, and leading to attachments for emotional support or for other needs. even if am certain to exercise control over myself to stay away from such attachments, the other person might still be influencing to break restraints and be connected. One of the ways to keep boundaries from being attached, is to observe my emotions , study them objectively and see if i can meet my own needs and wants without becoming dependant on others. If i can build on my self reliance , a lot of this attachments can be platonic and need not be deep dived and enticed. A lot of inner work can be done to work on being calm and build myself up so that i can still spread joy and support to others, but can still remain within my own boundaries of self care. Cheers !!.
caffeinatedcatio
August 26th, 2020 7:28am
Honestly, there's no easy answer on how not to get attached to people. It might happen even when you're unaware. However, one of the most important things to do is realise why you want to separate yourself from said person: have they hurt you in the past/are doing so right now? Is it a personal issue, or due to external pressure? Once you're more aware of the reasons why you might not want to get closer to this person, you can go ahead and slowly ease off the contact with them: keep chats to the minimum, don't hand out much, and even if you have to, do so in groups. Apart from that, and from my own personal opinion, I think we're just afraid to get attached because of all the hypothetical 'what if's. What if I get hurt? What if they leave? But more often than not, these are completely baseless reasons our mind conjures to protect us from something that hasn't even happened yet. Being vulnerable in front of someone is scary, but worth it: you'll know and experience so much more once you do. But that's completely on you to decide, based on why you don't want to get close to this person in the first place :)
goldenBlueberry62
August 28th, 2020 6:44am
Knowing you and loving you will allow you respect yourself enough to know your worth. Learning to make yourself happy and content with yourself reduces the need to be attached to other. Knowing your worth capabilities and respecting yourself form an attachment to yourself. We can love people and their vibe just like we do music or actors or even material things. But once you understand how to interact and let go of things(attachments) you learn that people and things come and go but yourself will always be with you, therefore that’s the strongest attachment needed to be created- to allow your attachment from others to reduce
caringBerry61
September 16th, 2020 7:57pm
Don't fantasize too much about people and the future. Even when you think you know a person, they can always behave unexpectedly and disappoint your expectations so the main rule is not to have expectations about people. Everyone carries their own burden of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, suffering, anxiety and moodiness so we are all united by the same fears, emotions and types of automatic reactions. This awareness must lead you to a lesser attachment to people who can have a thousand valid reasons to change, even from one day to the next, their attitude towards you. Look at each person as if they were the most important in the whole world. This allows you to actively listen to him/her and also know some of their most hidden sides, their deepest desires and, if s/he is completely sincere, also their fears and anxieties. Only when you put yourself in this condition while you are in front of a person, you realize that s/he should not be judged, on the contrary, s/he should be protected in its weakest and most fragile side because each of us has one that we keep hidden in the depths. Attachment to people arises mainly because we believe we need someone to be happy and live a fuller and more emotional life. Often, we don't realize that, instead, there is only one person who will be by our side for life, who will love us unconditionally and who will never abandon or betray us and that person is ourselves.
L3s
October 16th, 2020 11:44pm
It is fine to have a connection with people but not to an extend that you depend on them. People are meant to complement your life not to take over your whole life. Connections with people are meant to improve you and bring some sort of energy to your life. However, we are an individual self and we should always remember that. Like I said before, it is fine to have a connection with someone the important part is to always remember that when that person hurts you or harms you in some way you should let go. You will be fine.
Anonymous
November 1st, 2020 7:34am
My way of coping with it is treating people like children they are inside. Let them live their lives, look at them like a loving parent does - let them be free, let them grow and breathe. Everyone has their own path of life, they have their own feelings, opinions, decisions to take. For years now I'm used to calling people 'flowers'. I benevolently want them to live the best out of their lives, I want them to be happy. I want them to smile. That's why I will always smile to them, no matter what they choose. No matter if they leave me - I will always be there for them, because love is wanting someone to be happy.
10311996
December 3rd, 2020 7:16pm
We all have an innate need to connect with other people and it’s worth developing good friendships and relationships. The answer is not to shut yourself off from the world, to imagine that you can be fully self-reliant, to commit to the existence of a hermit and to officially declare your independence from the rest of the human race. However, it is important to learn how to look after yourself too. And the ironic thing about wanting to be less “needy” is that the solution is to recognise that your needs are very important and won’t go away if you neglect or ignore them. Dependency is often the result of having your needs neglected and then neglecting them yourself.
YourNeighbourhoodsuperhero
December 10th, 2020 10:49am
By acknowledging your own needs first and recognizing what it is your actually needing from them, this is challenging enough for anyone.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2021 11:16pm
Getting attached isn't always a bad thing. If you feel like you are getting attached to someone who you are in an unhealthy relationship with, then being attached is not good for your well-being. I think the best way to not be attached to someone is to recognize why you don't want to be attached to them and use that as the main focus. You can pick out things about that person specifically that are a negative impact on your life and prove that you should not spend so much time worry and caring about your relationship with them.
Sammbh
March 31st, 2021 1:10am
Do not let your guard down right away- wait until that person proves that you can trust them. Make sure you get to know them before telling this person your whole life story. Some people will be quick to judge you or take that information and run with it. This is meaning that people will use it against you in the future. If you start to get to attached to this person try telling them you need a break. Try taking some time for yourself. Sit back and think about how you could better the conversation the next time you guys speak.
LondonHelper
April 10th, 2021 1:37am
Hey I totally understand what you mean. Try to think of it in the long run. Are they going to be with you for a long or short period of time? Identify their somewhat negative qualities and try to focus on them from time to time to balance out the adoration you may have for them. It can be difficult especially when you feel strong emotions towards them but remember to always focus on yourself first and see if you can benefit from their company or not. If this is continuing to stress you out, perhaps recognise the fact that maybe they aren’t worth the emotional attachment you provide them.
AlexVisions
June 17th, 2021 3:28pm
You first need to take a look at how a healthy relationship looks, and how can you achieve it. It is also a good start to develop a healthy relationship with yourself first. Try to ask yourself a few questions so you can get to the root of why you consider that you get too attached. For example, What are the factors that I recognize when I get too attached? Is it because I'm afraid of rejection? Did it start a long time ago? How can I revise what I think about relationships? Always remember that you are not alone in this. Sometimes it can be hard to seek help, but don't hesitate to. It feels like nobody would properly understand, but you will eventually get your desired answers. Take care!
Rhys0207
July 25th, 2021 6:51am
humans are social beings and having attachments and establishing relationships is a key aspect of life, when your relationships are strong they help u grow as a person, so being attached to people is not a bad thing when it helps in your personal development and well being. altho being attached to people can hurt when they do not validate your space and boundaries and can hurt you, people are unpredictable, rather their behaviours are hard to understand and interpret sometimes and when this happens we regret having any attachments with them, but hey! its important to realise that we, ourselves have the power to choose who we get attached to, and we need to be wise enough to make rational decisions :)
Pewley
August 4th, 2021 8:35pm
Attachment theory explains why we behave the way we do when dating and in relationships - and can be especially comforting for those with anxious attachments, meaning you feel you get very emotionally attached to new people/partners easily and struggle to feel secure. Maybe you're thinking about texting them all the time, or are preoccupied with thoughts about how you wish they would validate your feelings. Although this can be very exhausting, it's very normal and common to feel this way. It's only really something to worry about if it becomes unhealthy and takes over your life.
aniiavacado
October 22nd, 2021 4:18pm
Sometimes it's nice to feel wanted and to want someone but with that said, being attached to people isn't always healthy. Especially when it's toxic people who have a negative impact on our mind and well-being. I think it's important to first prioritise ourselves rather than letting someone else take over. Be sure about yourself, build your self-confidence and give yourself love. You need to take care of yourself the way you would a friend or a family member. Once you start to love yourself you'll start to also remove people who do not respect you or have any positive impact on your life because you won't stand for it anymore.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2021 5:05am
Getting attached to others is not always a bad thing; however, it can be if the person is not very well known to you, or has a low chance of committing to interactions with you. I think self-love and positive self-talk around attachment can be very helpful. When you are secure in yourself, you will learn to make more healthful attachments to others, and avoid getting overly involved too soon. I find that evaluating whether the attachment comes from a place of love and genuine connection, or from a fast-paced obsession for self-soothing is extremely important. Also, getting to know your own attachment style is important.
Anonymous
January 5th, 2022 7:50am
I think getting attached to people is normal. For example, when one feels gravitated towards someone else's character, it may be because s/he finds that trait admirable and worthy of emulation. What counts as an "unhealthy attachment" is perhaps when a person's life simply revolves around the other. Striking a good sense of balance will prevent both parties from "suffocating" each other and leaving some space for independent thinking and replenishment of energies. It goes by on a case to case basis and depending on the situation, a relationship with too much attachment, like anything with excess, may be prone to emotional fatigue, among others.
NinaBee
March 31st, 2022 9:24pm
Attachment is an important part of being human. We have evolved to rely on and trust each other for survival. So when it comes to "people" as in "all the people in general", there is no way of avoiding attachment. However, if it's for specific people, the best thing to do is to remind yourself why you do not want to get attached to them (most likely because doing so will harm you in some way) and putting as much physical and emotional distance between the two of you as possible and seeking healthy relationships instead. Surround yourself with good people and healthy activities to keep your mind off of harmful attachments!
fancyParadise7678
April 20th, 2022 3:05am
I keep myself from getting too attatched to people by creating room to focus on myself and my self care goals. In my experience sympathy can be just as powerful as empathy. It is important to realize that a member may be going through something, but it is also important to realize that it is okay to not let it deeply impact you. And if something that someone said is deeply impacting you then it is absolutely okay to seek help whether that be peer support from other listeners or therapy. It is also completely alright to realize that there may be times you need to step away for the sake of your own wellbeing.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2022 4:45pm
To keep your self from getting attached to people, you should learn to accept life as it its. You should learn to accept that at the end of the day you only have yourself whom you can rely on truly. That no matter what happens you only have yourself whom you can entrust your own life. Learn to know yourself. Learn to be happy on your own. Don't look outside. It always starts from the inside. When you learn how to feel good about yourself and be contented in accompanying yourself, then it would help you accept that people come and go.