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How do I love myself when I am depressed?

26 Answers
Last Updated: 02/10/2020 at 12:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Dazz1er
August 25th, 2015 3:32pm
Loving yourself when you're feeling down is something that's hard to do. I go through it most of the time and I've got some tips that could be helpful. 1. Ask for help - don't be afraid to ask someone for help. It makes a huge difference. 2. Take a bubble bath with candles and wear a tiara while you're at it, you might feel silly but you'll have a good laugh after. 3. Get some sunshine! Vitamin D is good because it stimulates your pineal glands which is one part of your brain responsible for sending out happy feelings. 4. Eat dark chocolate - it's yummy and healthy 5. Respect yourself 100% and don't accept anything less from anyone. You're amazing!
Manifestation
November 24th, 2015 5:21pm
I would suggest switching terminology, perhaps. Let's call being depressed, being buried. Now, if you can imagine yourself buried as a seed in the womb of earth, you find purpose reason, strength in this position to grow roots. The words we use are very important.
versatileflower
June 13th, 2016 6:12am
You realize that you deserve to love yourself, and that what you're going through is temporary. You deserve to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Depression is a disease, not a personality trait.
Lila1993
August 7th, 2017 12:13am
I think this is the hardest thing to do, because depression will lie to you and try to hide all the good things about you. That's why you must sometime go deep into yourself to find those things. It can be something little, like your smile or your writing style. Once you find that small something, you just hold on to it. Write it down somewhere you can go back to when the depression starts lying to you again.
Ed4freedom
June 7th, 2015 9:32pm
When I'm depressed I have to force myself to think of others rather than myself. This helps me a lot. By taking my eyes off my issue or problem and help others I feel more love for not only myself but for others.
ANoviceStoryteller
May 31st, 2016 5:27am
To love yourself when you're depressed is to get help. Depression is like swallowing a candle, especially if you hide it. It may be hidden well at first, but the candle will burn you from the inside out till it leaves you with nothing but ashes to grasp at. To get yourself support for your depression is the first step to truly loving yourself and from there, you learn to love yourself more and more.
SecretsForRenee
April 3rd, 2019 12:00am
The first thing I identify as being the most important, is getting myself out of bed. In order to be motivated for that, I recognise the first step to loving myself is to feel comfortable in my own skin. I always find that doing something such as making a face mask, applying a hair mask or/& a lip scrub; or anything which makes me look healthier on the outside helps to declutter my negative feelings towards myself a lot and also keeps me busy and builds up the rhythm of things. Next, I either take a relaxing bubble bath with some nice smelling salts to soothe or a hot shower to cleanse myself of all the bad thoughts and feelings I’ve had whilst feeling depressed. I then dress in super comfy clothes and do something I love . This could include reading, listening to music, creating something artistic or even just binging on a few shows ( I find funny ones help here). I also treat myself to a yummy snack! When feeling depressed, just take as many steps as you can to self-care and this should help you attain at least some normalcy in your routine as well as assist you in achieving self-love. 💞
Anonymous
March 17th, 2015 4:25am
Remember to have some "me" time. When we are depressed or feeling unmotivated it can be easy to forget to treat ourselves every once in awhile. If you make it a point to do some things for yourself ever so often, it can definitely boost your self esteem, and hopefully help you love yourself more. Remember you are valued, worthy, and a beautiful person!
Anonymous
April 18th, 2015 3:45pm
Enjoying and exploring yourself at that stage, watching movies can help the mood and see some comedy or read comics something that can make yourself laugh and love yourself by having faith in yourself, build your confidence, self-esteem by doing some activities that you enjoy. Working can be a possibility or something you dream of doing pick those interest or someone whom you love the most spend time with him/her or just do something rather being at home and not do. Be productive..Help someone :) who needs you right now :) i am sure you can do anything you like. Where there is a will there is a way. Not all doors are closed for opportunity there is at least more doors opened for you just you need to use your instinct to know whats right and wrong for you and guide yourself to the path you desire or wanted to :) It's your life :)
bettereverdaay
November 3rd, 2015 9:52pm
Loving yourself is a hard thing to do, but it is amazing the impacts it has on your well being. Focus on the positive things because those are things that you can use to counteract the bad thoughts! you are mamzng despite what your head may be telling you
Rosealyn
November 10th, 2015 4:55pm
When I'm having a day when I'm stuck, I find time to color or create art. It really helps remove the feelings I don't want, and be able to distract myself with something else. Finding little hobbies and enjoying those hobbies are a great way to start seeing yourself as a worthy person.
constantstateofdreaming06
November 17th, 2015 5:09pm
You can learn to love yourself again by trying to nurture your personality. Try and spend time doing things that you love whether it be drawing, gaming, cooking, walking, nothing, sleeping, cleaning or whatever it may be. By doing these things you will feel more positive for completing something or even the fact you got up a tried. It's only little things a time and you're the best person who can judge how much you are capable of doing.
Anonymous
June 20th, 2016 8:54pm
Make a chart of yourself and put in the things you like and dislike about yourself, when you are writing them down act like another person looking at yourself.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2016 9:08am
It takes time. Learn that you aren't your depression. Learn thay you will grt better over time and thay loving yourself is so exciting and amazing and someday you will experience that.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2016 4:22am
Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Think about good aspects in your life. If you can't think of any, that's alright! Think about anything that might make you happy, because an important step to loving yourself is being happy yourself.
Armanta
January 23rd, 2017 1:11pm
Start by thinking about the little things you like about yourself. It may just be your eyes, that little bit of your hair, or even your behaviour towards others, say if you helped someone out the other day by picking up their dropped glove or just smiling at them. Start with the little things you like about yourself then keep building on them.
AndyDufresne1994
February 21st, 2017 9:13pm
Personally I start with little little things. Let yourself have a treat you have not had. Go to a movie even if the budget is a little stressed. I act like I am a kid and my mom is letting me get away with murder cause I have the flu. I think if you can get yourself even little tiny sparks of happy times and smiles every bit will help.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2017 10:47pm
I hug myself and tell myself "I love you just the way you are and you are going to get through this."
MoonsweptDreams
May 21st, 2017 4:11pm
Often it's harder to love yourself unconditionally than it is to love others unconditionally. If your best friend was severely depressed, you would love them no matter what. Often I find that it's best to think about how I would feel about another person if they were in my exact situation. When I realize that I would be compassionate, understanding and empathetic with them, then I realize that I should be the same way with myself. It helps me a lot to think that way.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2017 9:31pm
Be gentle with yourself and don't be afraid to let others know what they can do to help. Try to create positive experiences and feelings. Write lists to remind you about things you love about yourself.
fireflylove
October 24th, 2017 4:44pm
I have read so many posts on social media about loving yourself and it is usually grand steps that honestly make you feel worse when you can't complete them/ I personally believe that loving yourself shouldn't be that complicated. It is the small, tiny things you do for yourself that matter. If you got out of bed today even when you absolutely did not feel like it, you are loving yourself. If you even completed one goal on your to-do list then you love yourself. You can love yourself in many small, tiny ways. Depression is a hard thing to go through and loving yourself shouldn't be a complicated thing that makes it harder.
Itisbailey
April 23rd, 2018 5:39pm
That is a very difficult, and I wish there was a simple answer. There are things you do well at and positive traits about yourself. Maybe you should keep trying to remind yourself of all the positive about you. Sometimes I have to wake up and say positive things in the mirror. I do not always believe them at first, but I start to. Remember sometimes you have to take care of yourself first.
kindnesseverlasting
December 4th, 2018 1:24am
Forgive yourself, be gentle. Know that you are only human, that even you make mistakes. Be positive, keep your chin up, and love yourself no matter what. It's okay to feel sad and disappointed in yourself, but forgive yourself, too. Take care of yourself as well; don't stay up too late, get up out of bed, brush your teeth, and smile at your reflection. Don't forget yourself in the midst of it all. Treat yourself too! Get that item you've been eyeing, eat that scrumptious piece of cake you've seen. Don't hold yourself back. Be happy, and be positive. Always tell yourself this.
lovelyLion26
December 17th, 2018 8:21pm
Start by saying all the good things that you do and breath and relax and mediate on the good you can produce into the world and try to take all the negativity of the world and focus it into a positive energy..you may also try things that you enjoy such as working out drawing playing an instrument anything that can give you a sense of control and empowerment. Reach out to a friend it is difficult to see ourselves as we want and at times need a outside perspective to give you that push in the right direction of self love
lachesis00
March 11th, 2019 11:28am
This is only a process by yourself. You can love yourself if you are depressed, but it is not easy. Same as when you are not depressed. Now I would like to give you an example for a way to build self esteem. At first you should buy a notebook in my opinion. So you can everyday write a few kind things to yourself. One day tell yourself what looks good on you. On an other day determine what you did good on that day. Be creative on what you can do. I hope I could help you. I wish you best luck.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2020 12:38am
I think this is one of the hardest things to do for a depressed person. So hard, that it may be impossible. But that's no reason to lose hope. I have found it isn't necessary to love myself in order to have self respect. I may not have self worth or self esteem, but I do have self respect. What I do is a kind of psychological jujitsu. I sidestep the issue. I make it so that self love is beside the point. Nearly irrelevant. I think the biggest problem for depressed folks is that we judge everything about ourselves, and we always judge ourselves badly. We are finding fault with ourselves before others find fault in us. It's a kind of defense. If we beat up ourselves before anyone else does it, then it'll be a snap when someone else does. They can't tell us anything that we haven't already told ourselves, only ten times worse. So the problem is self-judgment. And we can't stop it. However, we don't have to pay attention to it. With a little practice, we might even become adept at ignoring this dysfunctional kind of thinking. It helps to have a partner in this effort -- someone like you (depressed) who does the same things. When we talk and we say something disparaging about ourselves, the other person can call us on it. Eventually, we can make a pact that we won't do that kind of thing with this other person. We are slowly learning to identify this useless thinking and then to set it aside or ignore it, knowing it doesn't help. Sometimes I like to imagine these kinds of thoughts are like leaves. I take the thoughts, put them on leaves, and place them in the river of life that is always swirling around me. At first, they always swirl back to me, but if I am persistent, eventually they float away and don't come back. The result is that I am no longer paying attention to the fact that I don't love myself. It is irrelevant to my life. It adds nothing to my life. I may not be able to love myself, but I don't have to hate myself. Better that I focus on doing the things I want to do and stop myself from worrying about what anyone else thinks of it. Well, it's a work in progress. I'm not there yet, but I am doing better. Xxxxxx -kenzi