Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I quiet that voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough to be loved?

30 Answers
Last Updated: 10/27/2020 at 7:25am
How do I quiet that voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough to be loved?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
May 22nd, 2015 7:32am
Often it somehow creep in. When I get aware of it, it vanishes because I already have ample reasons to believe that I have exhibited qualities for which some people admired me. But that downward pulling voice surfaces time and again.
June 18th, 2015 10:55am
You prove it wrong. First, by loving yourself. If you love yourself, and if you accept who you are, you're actually proving yourself you are lovable. And that is the first step into being loved back.
September 15th, 2015 4:28pm
This is a really great question, and I have a way to make it at least quiet down, if not make it shut up for good. First: recognize that the voice isn't you. It's depression, insecurities, and/or anxiety talking. Second: give your voice a name. My sister literally named her inside voice 'Stinky Pete' from the character in Toy Story 2. Third: whenever you're hearing that voice start talking again, you need to say something along the lines of "Shut up (voices name). I am good enough, and you are only in my head." Even if you don't believe that you are good enough, keep telling yourself that until finally the voice quiets down. If you're concrete and stubborn, it will slowly start to quiet down more and more once it realizes it's not invited:)
July 20th, 2015 3:26am
One thing I do is simply tell myself to stop. It sounds strange and sometimes it doesn't work, but telling myself to stop has become a habit so I don't notice it as often now. Also, I write out quotes on post-it notes as well as write out reasons why I am good enough to be loved and they are taped to the walls throughout my apartment :).
June 6th, 2015 4:38am
Reassure yourself everyday that you are good enough to be loved. There is someone out there that will love you in a relationship manner and there are people that already love you. Know that you are great just the way that you are!!
April 4th, 2015 10:27am
Take control over what you think. Always say to yourself that you are good enought. You become what you think. If you think you are weak, weak you will become, if you think you are strong, strong you will be.
June 3rd, 2015 3:59am
To be able to quiet any little voice in your head, you can tell yourself that you are good enough to bed loved or that thing that you are struggling with.
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
July 28th, 2015 10:21am
Make a list - Make a list of your strengths, competencies and assets is a way of seeing a different you in the mirror. Make a list II - A list of realistic and achievable goals and dreams, a list of what is keeping you from achieving it, and a list of methods to work around it and accomplish your goals. Make a list III - Each morning make a list of the things you have achieved, it can be as simple as “Woke Up, Got out of Bed, Ate Breakfast etc.” - this will help you understand your accomplishments during the day and give yourself more credit for these small, influential feats. Philosophy wall - stick a piece of paper on your wall and write a new quote every day [| Philosophy Wall II - Stick another piece of paper and each day write on it 1 new thing you are grateful for [| Philosophy Wall III - Stick another piece of paper on the wall and each day write 1 thing you love about yourself - tell yourself this even if you don’t believe it, eventually you will be comfortable with these positive traits and learn to accept them. [| Labels - remove negative labels and replace it with positive ones, you will subconsciously conform to labels, so even if you don’t believe it at first, fake it and pretend.
September 21st, 2015 6:00am
You have to ignore that voice, its wrong and you have to except your good even if you doubt it just try to give yourself encouragemebnt.
October 26th, 2015 3:47am
You don't quiet the voice, you ignore the voice. You understand that the voice is wrong, because everyone is more than good enough to be loved
October 27th, 2015 10:14am
try to rest the body and mind you need to realiize that who you are ,is already health and positive,try coping techniques
November 3rd, 2015 6:46am
You quiet it by proving to yourself you are good enough to be loved. Just getting out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment, and please never underestimate yourself.
November 10th, 2015 2:20am
You have to do things that make you happy. Be positive. Be around positive people and positive influences. Try to excercise regularly and eat healthier. Go outside more and colour more. Read and write lots. Take pictures. Hang out with your friends and family. Soon enough, you won't even notice the voice in your head because you are perfect and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
December 8th, 2015 11:20pm
For me it has always been easier and more effective to replace the negative voice in my head with a positive voice. Every time I have thoughts like "I am not good enough to be loved" I look for evidence to the contrary. What makes me amazing and who in my life loves me despite my flaws? Positive affirmations are also great flip the negative to a positive "I am good enough. I am perfect just the way I am. I am loved. I am worth of love."
December 14th, 2015 1:16pm
You can't really quiet it I know bc I used to have that voice what you have to do is look in the mirror every single day and pick one thing and say man my hair look fantastic today or something and pick something different everyday
December 22nd, 2015 6:52am
That voice while it exist can't be heard over my loud yelling. I scream, "I love myself" over and over again in front of the mirror. It's an intense experience, but that voice needs to go away so I go do things.
January 11th, 2016 6:19pm
Tell yourself out loud that you are good enough. Say it every morning, write it in a journal, sing it in the shower. Keep saying it, as hard as it seems. It's an uphill battle, but it's true; you are worthy of love and you need to learn that and accept that. And it will be so worth it in the end. Good luck.
February 1st, 2016 8:59pm
Find a healthy habit. You can paint out all those horrible voices. Tell yourself you're worth it because hun you are. They dont know you.
February 8th, 2016 3:55pm
Tell youself you are. Your mind may be puppeteering you but if you look youself in the mirror and say "i can", you will.
May 23rd, 2016 11:30am
that is just a thought you don't know what people are feeling right now and even if it is true one day you will be loved more than anything.
May 31st, 2016 5:08pm
Push the voice away you start telling the voice what to do you tell it that your good enough and you don't need that voice .
May 31st, 2016 6:17pm
Talk back to it! Fight with it! You are absolutely perfect do not let it make you feel anything less! We are all different , we are all unique.If that voice does not let you see that ,then you make your voice louder than the one in your head! Tell that voice in your head I AM GOOD ENOUGH . You are! always remember that.
October 3rd, 2016 10:38am
The voice inside your head is just trying to distract you from that fact that you are an amazing human being. With all your flaws and follies, all your imperfections you are still wonderful and capable of amazing things. Trust yourself. Love yourself. You deserve it.
July 10th, 2017 6:56pm
Tell that voice in your head that it has no idea what it is taking about. It is the back-seat driver just a long for the ride who doesn't chip in for gas or food and just complains about everything.
September 4th, 2017 8:13pm
You tell it that it's wrong and that you are good enough to be loved because you are. You deserve to be loved.
October 23rd, 2017 4:06pm
First I will identify whose voice is that. Usually its our or someone we are scared of. Reason of such voices are competition in one sense or other, either we are aware or unaware of it, as far as I understand it. Secondly there is no measurement tool of being good till a level where people start loving someone. So the basis of this voice totally unreal. Understanding this helps us to a certain point where we can get over it. With practice ofcourse.
November 6th, 2017 9:37pm
I lie down listen to calming positive music and remind myself that I am important and deserve everything the world has to give.
March 6th, 2018 1:08am
If you are experiencing put down thoughts you can think about more positive thoughts if possible or talk it out with a family member.
July 7th, 2020 3:14am
It's hard. As someone who struggles with the same issue, it is hard to not listen to the voices. I can't get rid of it instantly and often end up crying. However, here's a few ways of how i usually try to calm down. 1. Watching something or listening to music. I do this so I can focus on something else instead of the voices. I recommend using earphone, earbuds, etc to block outside noises. When it doesnt go immediately, don't worry. Keep focusing, breathe. Oh, and make sure the movie/video/song doesn't have smth that can trigger you. 2. I'm not an artsy person, but I let my feelings out by drawing or writing it down. Its ok to cry when you do this, keep writing, keep drawing until you feel better. 3. If you have someone you love or someone who loves you, talk to them. It's risky and you may feel like you're bothering them, but you're not. If they love you truly, they will be there for you. Tell them your concerns, your thoughts, anything that the voices tells you. Let those people reassure you, hug you, calm you down. These ways may not be working for everyone because we cope differently, but it's alright. Everyone deserves to be loved, so do you.
October 27th, 2020 7:25am
For me, the best thing I can do is not try to silence it but try to live alongside it and tell myself that I know it's wrong. That it can be as loud as it wants, like an annoying neighbor knocking at your door, but I refuse to let it in. Sometimes I will actually visualize that voice as a monster in my head outside of my home. And every time I have a bad thought I picture it knocking on my door or window and me closing the curtains or ignoring the knocks. Knowing that no matter *HOW HARD* that little voice tries to tell me something, I tell myself that it *is not me*. That the opinion of this thing or voice doesn't change who I *know* I am any more than the opinion of some stranger on the street. Again, I don't quite try to ignore it or push it away so much as just accept it and kind of go "Hey, look, I know you're not going anywhere so you can try as hard as you want to change my mind but I KNOW I'm right and you're wrong so DEAL WITH IT." and over time this has actually seemed to make that voice go away on it's own. The more you give it power the larger it grows. Don't give it that power.