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How do I stop being judgemental?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/29/2021 at 5:59pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
ridh
January 15th, 2020 3:21am
Being completely non-judgmental for me is difficult because I can find myself judging unconsciously. Only by bringing it to the forefront of my mind do I even realize its happening. Once I do realize this I really try to imagine reasons why I would make those choices or actions. This helps me understand the situation on what I feel is a more personal level. If that does not help because I just can not picture myself in the situation, I try to recall everything I know and do not know about the individual to help me understand what else could be happening in their life that could have had an effect on their actions/choices.
bellarina74
February 1st, 2020 5:34am
Taking a step back and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes might be a start for you. You can then have a better understanding of why they are acting or doing things in ways that are foreign to you. Having an understanding also helps you to move forward and accept things that you wouldn’t normally understand. Think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were being judged constantly by a variety of people. At the end of the day, only you know all the circumstances regarding your life. Before you engage with someone remember that it is difficult to give sound advice if you do not have all the facts.
Jenn20
February 16th, 2020 4:47am
Hmm that is a good question which many people often deal with even me. Firstly try to come up with the cause of you reacting this way. Is it something you learnt as a child or is it something you saw your parents and your family doing? Also there are some questions you should ask yourself when you see yourself reacting this way: 1) "Why do I feel the need to judge?" 2) "What triggers me to have such judgemental thoughts?" 3) Try to look at the person you are judging and find a reason for the way they are acting. We don't know what's truly going on with people, so how can we judge? 4) "Is my judgmental behaviors only to others or is it to me as well?"
kindDreamer9743
February 16th, 2020 8:23pm
How to stop youself from being judgemental is that you have to retrain your thought process about what veer the subject matter is eg: someone with yellow hair or loud or to shy the list is endless for which to be judgemental about, so with some discipline each time you are going to make a comment to others or to yourself about it just take a step back and pause, thtink about what your saying, ask yourself what would you htink if someoen made a judgemental comment about you or your kids or another family member we are as a race all to quick to pass comment and judgement without thought.
supportiveDreamer61
March 1st, 2020 3:35pm
Calm down. Let things go. Focus on other things. Focus on the bigger picture. Walk a mile in their shoes. Get real comfy. Everybody struggles from a battle you know nothing about. Are they a good person? What's the point in judging? It gets you nowhere. There's so many more things to think about. Help the person. Don't judge them. Nobody is perfect. Have you never made a mistake? Get off your high horse. Be kind always. Who are you to judge? View things from a different perspective. Consider their point of view. Like my daddy says, "Patience is a virtue."
NoelLikesSunsets
March 29th, 2020 9:36am
A way that you can try to change judgemental thoughts is by reflecting on what you are thinking as you are thinking each thought. Ask yourself these three questions - is this judgement useful to the other person right now? Is this judgement necessary right now? Is this judgement kind to the person? These three questions are really good to ask yourself before you are about to speak too. It can help you to see whether you are in a more empathetic mindset. Or, it can help you take a moment to think about how you phrase your wording or thoughts.
Madds7910
April 9th, 2020 7:20am
Take a deep breath and realize that no amount of stressing over something ever made it less stressful. Recognize any judgemental thoughts when they occur and redirect your thinking on a more positive path. Find something to admire in others and appreciate each individual’s uniqueness. If what you’re thinking about isn’t nice or positive, why waste energy thinking about it at all? What other’s choose to do with themselves and their own lives is none of our concern. Remember that every human being is a person just like you, who has a right to believe, think, feel, and express themselves in a manner that pleases them.
CalmCourage
April 15th, 2020 11:44pm
Hey there, it's hard but I feel like when you learn their story and where their coming from it makes it easier to understand perhaps what you are judging on them. The second thing is to make a conscious decision not to take your judgements seriously until you fully know the person. It's hard because I feel we are all hard-wired to judge things but oftentimes our judgements aren't true. If you really get into their situation and see why they are thiking a certain way then you will be able to understand why they do certain things or dress a certain way...
heavenLake94
April 23rd, 2020 6:48am
We judge without understanding. Without understanding what that person is going through or what they have overcome. We need to learn to accept that some people are fighting their battles and we should not judge them based on the face value of it. We judge people at the very first look at them and that changes into our opinion about them. Accept that every person is different in their own way and no two people can be the same. This will certainly affect how people perceive you too. Judgements block our way of thinking and and once we form judgements, we find difficult to change our opinions which might create a barrier in getting to know people.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2020 5:59pm
Remind yourself that no one is perfect. Humans are inherently imperfect. We were born to fall in errors. It’s the imperfection that holds the beauty. We should respect others choices, decisions and feelings. People might be going through many problems in life which made them who they are today. That is really who they are or at least trying to be. And no one is same, we all have our own problems, up and downs, choices and insights. And that is it. Just try to see the world or the situation through their eyes and try and understand them.
Evertonest
May 8th, 2020 6:05am
There may be plenty of reasons why someone might be judgmental. Everyone judges things and people all the time, and is a natural part of being human. If you feel you're overly judgmental over yourself or others that negatively affects you, I can offer some tips that helped me become less judgmental (which may or may not work for you). Accept flaws. Understand that nobody and nothing is perfect, and we're allowed to make mistakes and have flaws. Despite flaws, people and things also have good qualities, and that's why it might be important to also: Recognise positives. Everyone has their own strengths, and when we recognise and focus on them, it can build compassion. Practise mindfulness. By practising mindfulness, you can become more aware of whenever you are having judgmental thoughts about yourself or someone else. Then, when you let go of the judgmental thoughts, you can return back to the present moment.
Here2ListenYou
May 10th, 2020 4:57am
Think about how it makes you feel every time you are judgmental. Does it make you feel good? Keep a record of how many times you make a judgmental remark for 7 days and how you feel every time you make such statements. Then create a specific plan of how you can be less judgmental. For example, make a plan to replace judgmental statements with more positive statements. Record your progress and how you are feeling. Reflect on it and modify your plan if it is not working. Keep trying to think of new ways you can be less judgmental, execute your plan and stick with you plan until it becomes a habit.
thecalmocean2003
May 29th, 2020 6:39pm
Think of how you would feel in their situation, empathy really is the key very often. Try to understand the person and their actions instead of jumping to conclusions and judging them. And accept their decisions to rationally comprehend the situation. If you judge them right away or even in general it tends to make the person self doubt even more which can inversely affect their self esteem even when it may not be their fault in the situation. Similarly judging someone actually makes you feel bad about yourself too. Consciously or subconsciously you may feel bad about what you said and lower your own self esteem as a part of you thinks that others will also judge you in a similar manner. And another part of you thinks of yourself as a bad person for casting such harsh judgments on others. Therefore being judgemental has a negative impact on all parties involved.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2020 8:56pm
Some people do not even realize that they are judgemental. If you find yourself more often than not thinking your actions are better than others then this maybe you. Sometimes we are raised to think there is only one way to do things. Being judgemental can hurt relationships because the simple act of judging can make others uncomfortable and feel bad about themselves. You may even be hard on yourself because it may be hard for you to live up to your own expectations. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes may increase your understanding as to why people do what they do. Some people can only see things through their own perspective. If you are one of those people then start asking your friends their opinions as to why people do what they do. Hopefully, in time you will become a more rounded thinker. Learning to understand others and their choices may increase your self-esteem and improve your social relationships.
Asher
June 6th, 2020 7:22am
Some of the steps to not being so judgemental is putting yourself in other people's shoes. When I became a listener and a crisis counselor I had to really push myself to put myself in other people's shoes. It shows us as people that we make the judgements on the beliefs that we don't understand at times. There's no real answer to stop it, it's just catching yourself and making yourself a better person. It will take time, and it will be a process. Just keep working at and it you will make great progress at it. As everything will take time.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2020 5:33am
Being judgemental is human nature, you can never fully stop being judgmental. but you can learn how to handle it better and how to show it in a way that is not harmful. Putting yourself in the other person spot is always the best, it gives you an insight into them and whats going on in their eyes. Also learning to understand that things comprehend differently to everyone, one simple thing can come off as something totally different to another person. Being judgmental can be good if it's used to help others and yourself grow. Don't try to focus on not being judgmental because in some situations ts what needs to happen.
AstralOcean
June 11th, 2020 7:26am
Hm.. okay, well, i think one should first start by considering a few things. First, who are you judging? Second, -why- are you judging them? Third, is your judgement valid in a moral sense or is it driven by something else? Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and incorporate whatever you know about their life and current conditions, then consider the current moment. Say, for some reason, you're judging someone you see on the street in a tent. Perhaps you think they're disgusting for coming out and begging people for money when they don't need to. WHY are you thinking that? Is there evidence to back it up? Perhaps they truly don't have a home or a job, and they're struggling through life. And, circumstances in their life probably led them there - not necessarily their own choices, either. Before you say something or believe something, analyse it. In your life going forward, frequently stop and think about things in this way - examine your judgement from the other person's angle and really think about why they're saying something or acting in a particular manner. Over time, you may judge less and consider things like this more often.
Misskhan01
July 2nd, 2020 3:29pm
Being judgement is a choice I believe. Before judging anyone one have to remember, what if I was in other persons shoes, what if I was there? And we never know the journey of other person, we never know how much one person have struggled to be where they’re today and why they’re doing something that they’re doing. Judging is easy, but being on other side is difficult! Sometimes is hard to understand others point of view but if we consider ourselves in same position we will know how bad it feels to be judged by someone, spread love and positivity, worlds need it. 💥
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2020 6:59pm
I think the best way to stop being judgmental is to change your mindset about the way you view others and the way you view situations in life. Before I go into this, I just wanted to say that it's very admirable of you to want to improve yourself. So, the best way to stop this mindset is to adopt a positive one that appreciates others for their achievements and sees the positives. Of course, I'm not saying to completely overlook other's negative traits, but don't let those negative traits encompass your overall view of them. Remember that people make mistakes too and that not everyone will think similarly to you. And finally, take the time to focus on yourself and your own improvement. Judging others and comparing yourself to them only keeps your life stagnant.
CarlaRa
July 26th, 2020 3:13pm
It is a long process, so the first person you need to exempt from your judgment is yourself... Don't be too harsh on yourself for taking time to achieve your goal. I would say honestly if you are asking the question you are on the right path. It just takes time and effort to notice when you are judging someone and thinking about why you are thinking that, if you can understand why the person is doing what she is doing... Someone in a Ted talks said that it is very hard to judge someone and give him love at the same time, and I find that to be very true. Try to be empathic when you realize you are judging someone. Have a good day, sending lots of love!
1bookroyal
July 28th, 2020 1:08pm
You need to put yourself in the person's shoes. Try understand what they are going through by imagining 'what if it was me?' 'how would I feel is I was going through this and someone else without even knowing what it is just judges me?'. Once you have the answers to those questions you'll know. If the person does not want anyone to know you need to understand that something are private or just too emotionally tearing apart that it's hard to talk about. You can also imaging a really bad situation happening that you would not wanna talk about ans imagine if someone just randomly judges you without understanding.Hope I was helpful.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2020 4:17pm
Well it can be something that's in your personality but the fact that your asking this means that you don't like being judgmental just every time you think about judging someone you may think about how they feel and if it's their fault and I appreciate that you go look for how too change it but just let everyone do what they want and if you don't like it then just don't come near them it may sometimes just pop up in your head but when you just think before judging something then I'm almost sure you will get less judgmental
MouseS
August 20th, 2020 6:49am
Consider working on empathy skills - putting yourself in someone else's shoes. How would you feel if someone judged you the way you judge other people? Keep in mind that what people show you (along with first impressions) usually isn't all there is. Every person is different, and usually has more to offer than what they show on the outside. We all have insecurities, bad habits and flaws, but it doesn't mean that's all we are. Judging someone purely on the things you don't like about them is giving them very little credit. Along with this, have you considered if you're just as judgemental towards yourself as well? Usually, if we can't give something (respect, love, understanding, empathy) to others, it's because we can't do the same for ourselves. Don't lose faith though, as by asking such a question, you're making a mature and thoughtful decision. That already shows me that you have it in you, but it's just a matter of cultivating and improving such qualities that already exist. Good luck with it.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2020 6:36am
i have also been a judgemental person for a lot of my life, i haven't really figured if its a state of mind or a mind set. there is no real way to stop being judgemental but there is a way to decrease it to a fair amount. A good way to start is by being empathetic it kind of allows you to see things from others perspective and try to understand them, judgements are often based on a persons experiences or beliefs it is entirely up to you if you want to change in any way, sometimes all you need is acceptance of others feelings or yours, its entirely up to you
Anonymous
August 30th, 2020 9:44pm
We are all judgmental. Yes, even you. I certainly am, many times. I think it’s human nature. And yet, while it is in our nature to be judgmental, I don’t think it’s always useful to us. We look down on others, as if we are so much better … and that creates division between people. Think about it for a second: we see someone, and based on their looks or actions, we pass judgment on them. Not good judgment, either. Usually without even knowing the person. And that’s it — that’s usually the extent of our interaction with that person. We don’t make an effort to get to know the person, or understand them, or see whether our judgment was right or not.
talkswithariba
September 17th, 2020 2:26am
Realizing that you're judgemental is the first step, and I'm glad you've accepted that. We judge others because they don't meet 'our' criteria. We need to realize that there's much more than what we think is right. To stop being judgmental, you could, perhaps, think about what would you feel if you were in their shoes, or think about different situations they could be in (for example, if they don't follow a trend, maybe it's because they're financially struggling). Think of different situations another person could be in, and ask yourself, do they deserve to be judged? Will my judgment change anything? To start, you can try not talking about someone or something, even if it's in your mind, try not to gossip about it with others, keep it to yourself, and try convincing yourself that "I shouldn't judge them based on one thing" and then maybe think about the good things in them.
lavpetals
September 18th, 2020 11:34am
So, this one is a bit glossed over. I feel like a lot of people are judgmental which is very toxic, but they don't think that they are judgmental. I used to crack jokes with my friends about random people we see, whether it would about their clothes or something they're doing, and it was under the name of making 'safe' jokes, but that is until one day the realization dawned on me that what we were doing in fact, was being judgmental. Sometimes, it depends on the company you're in the presence of, they can encourage you and you can encourage them, and the more jokes you make, the easier it gets for judgment to slip really easily off your tongue. But it's really a matter of developing the habit of biting back your tongue when you have something mean to say. It's normal for humans to have negative opinions about things that don't resonate with them, but it's not acceptable to let it come out of your mouth. You just need to bite back any mean thing you have to say, and sooner or later, you will find that you will be more accepting and respectful.
Innerpeace2u
September 24th, 2020 5:21am
Ironically, I stop being judgemental by being judgemental. Let me explain, I accept a concept called' social constructionism' saying every concept/story/belief I take in is the result of social interaction. Meaning to say whatever I belief is NOT TRUTH but highly SUBJECTIVE. Bcos it is subjective and thus I get to choose what belief I want including others' perspectives. Resulting in open my mind and accept other thinkings. Another concept is co-creating subjective world, when i know all my concept and understanding came from interactive communication with another person, it totally blew my mind to notice how my world view keep changing during conversation. Hope it helps, cheers.
Secretivesunshine42
October 10th, 2020 5:11am
empathy. think about the good in situations and the positive before the negative. if you see something negative about a person fill that in with something positive that you notice. Always put yourself in the other persons shoes and ask yourself how would they feel? and after you ask yourself that question if the answer is something negative its probably something that you should not point out.Plus if you are going around judging people think about the fact that there are lots of people who are judging you wherever you go and picking out every one of your individual insecurities.
Anonymous
October 16th, 2020 12:18pm
First of all you have to be understanding of their situation, what we see all the time is just the surface, we Don't have a data base access to people's thoughts and feelings. For example, a girl who is so silent in class and doesn't talk much can be labelled as snob type but we couldn't know, maybe she is dealing with social anxiety or trust issues with people. We should always try to know that we cannot see what's going on in other people's life the only one who sees it is our God above definitely. Hope it helps.