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How do you deal with a depressed spouse?

32 Answers
Last Updated: 10/05/2018 at 12:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Italy
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Anna Pavia, psicologa psychologist counselor

Licensed Professional Counselor

I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.

Top Rated Answers
Saraahh
November 1st, 2014 8:07am
Dealing with a depressed spouse or any depressed person may be very hard. You have to support your spouse and not give up on them. Show them the joy of life and remind them everyday that you love them and will love them no matter what.
Anonymous
October 15th, 2014 4:27am
I try to support them the best that I can. Although it can be frustrating, understand it is generally more frustrating for them because they cannot easily get themselves out of their depression. They love you, do not forget that, and they want to be happy with you. Along with this, try not to let yourself also become upset because you feel helpless and lost. There is aid not only for your depressed spouse, but also for you. Make sure you seek help if you need it. Do not feel guilty or selfish because it is very hard to see someone you love be so upset.
HollSS
October 26th, 2014 9:54am
I think the only thing you can do really is be available for them. Let them know you understand, and if you don't understand ask them how they're feeling. They can't snap out of it or cheer up and I know it can be frustrating to have to deal with but all they really need is your support. They may not feel comfortable coming to you for help, it is hard, but make sure they know that they can come to you when they need to. Be affectionate. Pay compliments. Even when they don't believe you or want to hear it. A hug and a quiet night watching movies together makes all the difference too :)
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2014 12:46am
Lead them towards deciding to seek out professional support themselves. Let them know it's a normal thing to talk to a family doctor about. Help them understand that if they're ever in danger, calling a police station or contacting a hospital emergency is always an option, and the type of situation those people are well-prepared to handle.
Rikke
November 3rd, 2014 4:59pm
Take it seriously, and make an effort to try to understand what they are going through. Make sure to educate yourself as much as possible on the subject, and then just be there for them. Lots of love and support is key! However, remember that sometimes they will probably need their space and need to just be sad - and allowing themto have that is all part of showing them you care.
Brettlstar
October 30th, 2014 3:02am
Empathy, be their best friend. Show you care. Listen without giving advice. Support.. and if necessary, convince them to seek help. People often forget there is an art to silence. You can often say more by just being with someone than filling the silence with words. Depressed people often do not feel like talking but they do appreciate your presence. Keep an eye on them and if they start talking about suicide it is probably time to get professional help even if they do not agree. They might not be happy about it in the moment but later when the depression has lifted they will thank you for saving their life.
Anonymous
November 1st, 2016 8:07am
Try to be more understanding. Try to listen to their problems and help and support them during difficult times
Tonja12
October 7th, 2014 2:01am
You just have to talk to them and help them get through it just let them know you are there! People always need someone!
Helper6754
October 23rd, 2014 11:41pm
you should help them through it as much as you can and support them to get help and mention it not too often but enough where they will remember
KeeKee
October 28th, 2014 4:34am
I've never had a spouse so I would never know how to deal with this. I've had read a lot of fan fictions on it, and I would say that only thing you can do is to be there for them. If they don't want you there, then don't. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love figures things out on their own and do it their own ways. Everyone heals eventually. It might take days, months, maybe even years. Just don't give up on them.
Grace11
October 28th, 2014 1:54pm
Offering support and listening can help your spouse greatly, however you may also need support as this is a big commitment.
Urgarlayessica88
November 10th, 2014 10:56am
if they already have a counselor you are on the right path, if not that might be a very positive alternative. communication is very good, helps them realize all those negative thoughts
Anonymous
November 15th, 2014 2:30pm
I would have been supportive. Trying to take care I don't do or say something which triggers his depression. I would have also understood that depression often makes people feel like they want to be isolated and don't feel like working. I would have encouraged him to not bottle up his feelings and to share them. Most importantly depressed people may think of suicide, so it's important to keep noticing if there is any change in behaviour or anything he says that might hint he has any suicidal thoughts so to prevent it.
perfectdisasterxx
May 7th, 2015 10:19pm
you give them all of your love, affection and support them through every step of the way and watch them slowly recover
ZachGrandinetti
May 10th, 2015 2:47pm
Try to be supportive and encourage them to seek help. Understand their trouble and support them through it.
Morello
December 21st, 2015 1:10am
In my experience, I think the most important thing is to just be there. When they're at a low point, you can ask if there's anything they want - whether that's talking, curling up on the sofa together, doing some colouring, making a pillow fort to hide in, or just getting a hot drink - but a lot of the time, they might not want anything. You don't have to try to fix things. A lot of the time, you won't be able to anyway, and insisting that there must be something you can when there isn't do may make them feel worse. Just acknowledge that things are hard, and reassure them they you are going to be there with them through this. Reassure them that they aren't any of the bad things their brain is telling them they are when they're in a low point, that you still care for them, and you aren't going anywhere.
Anonymous
January 26th, 2016 6:47am
Just be there for them. Look to get them help. Even though they are depressed, you can still show them that you are encouraged to bring them to a better place
Anonymous
January 26th, 2016 3:51pm
Help them out as much as you can, tell them that they are loved every second that you get and try to have them get medical help if it gets really bad. Don't leave them because they are depressed though, because that will make it even worse. Good luck
peacefulPond74
February 2nd, 2016 5:34pm
Try to be supportive, Learn more about their condition. Show sympathy and empathy. It is important to understand that this doesnt not change over night! You have to work on it together and this is what marriage it about.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2016 7:51pm
Give them love all the time remind them how important they are everyday and tell them why you love them and need them
Lindsaylu
July 5th, 2016 7:27pm
My opinion on this, is don't try to understand them, because you never will and it may end up making things worse. But you can be there for them, you can be their listener when they need to talk, you hug them when they don't feel like talking, you make sure they eat, you make sure they get out of the house and do something that makes them happy. When someone is depressed they feel like the whole world is against them, like there's a black hole eating them alive and having someone there that says "no, you're alone" or is their light in all this darkness it's going to make them feel a lot better. It's not going to cure them but knowing they have support makes all the difference.
cherishedSunrise92
August 8th, 2016 6:02pm
Listen to them, try not to find a way to fix all their problems. Sometimes people just need to feel loved and heard
fantasticBeauty46
September 5th, 2016 5:20pm
Validate their feelings. Support the fact that they are not feeling well. Remind them That it's ok their not feeling themselves right now. Try and encourage healthy activity, walks, art projects, music. Encourage them To do daily tasks, to seek Out the sunshine. If it's something their upset about, be available to listen and talk many times. It will take more than once. Always reaffirm the fact that you love them No matter what.
thoughtfulPomegranate86
September 6th, 2016 3:29am
Don't pretend you know what they are going through or try to "cheer them up." Being depressed isn't just about being sad. Ask them how you can help and be supportive. Even encourage them to talk to a therapist.
Anonymous
October 4th, 2016 6:57pm
Depression is a very serious thing and sometimes we have loved ones that are going through this the best thing you can do is love them be there when they don't even want you around listen to them when they need someone to talk to hold them when all they do is cry speak positivity in their life when they are most down side by their side when they think everyone is going to leave be their rock when they are weak support them and never judge them
HelloSunny
December 12th, 2016 12:40pm
Be their support, and right hand. Love them as much as you can, and be there for them as always. Leading them out of low moods can help, and helping them to take care of themselves. Be openly optimistic and positive, caring and kindhearted. Opposites attest in this sense. Love them for who they are, and know that things will get better.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2017 3:58pm
Be there for them and let them know you are always willing to listen if they need to talk. Try to understand the illness so you can support them as much as you can.
Healingfromwithin
May 30th, 2017 12:04pm
Recognise that your depressed spouse might be requiring additional support, You might be able to alter expectations of your spouse as you consider that they might not be able to function as per normal while depressed. You might consider promoting self care for your spouse or encouragement to talk about his/her feelings, check in regarding thoughts of suicide and safety. Listen non judgementally and reassure your spouse that you are there to support them through what they are experiencing. You might be able to remind your spouse of their value to you or maybe even provide space to think if that is what they require. Sometimes it is helpful to encourage and engage in activities your spouse finds pleasurable eg walks, sports etc.
ThePsalmist
December 4th, 2017 4:35am
Assure. Reassure and reassure and reassure. Stay. Know more about your spouse's condition. Help him/her in the healing process.
Anonymous
February 26th, 2018 5:24am
I would show them that they're not alone. And do everything I could to help then get through the depression.