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How to forgive yourself for cheating or lying?

305 Answers
Last Updated: 03/29/2020 at 1:25am
How to forgive yourself for cheating or lying?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Courtney Cline, MS in Psychology and MS in criminal Justice

Counselor

I have 15 years exeperience in working with clients suffering from depression and substance abuse. I have worked with children and adults and believe in a holistic view.

Top Rated Answers
3amthoughts
June 24th, 2016 7:44pm
Sometimes we do thinks we don't approve of. It's important to not automatically beat or hate ourselves up over it. Sit back, relax and think about what happened. Think about what triggered the reaction. Try to understand why you did, try to understand yourself. Once you do, it will be easier to cope with it, or even stop it from happening again.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2016 12:07pm
Acceptance is the first step. Telling the person the truth and accepting your mistake is important. Yes the person may not forgive you at the point but at least you will be happy that you have told the truth and done the right thing and who knows later on the person migh5 even forgive you and accept you back to their life
softMemory55
June 25th, 2016 9:53pm
Well this is difficult. Even if I admit my fault to someone and rectify the mess I made I don't always forgive myself immediately. It takes time to see that you haven't caused damage, or that the damage you did cause has been rectified. Admitting you made a mistake to yourself is an important part of it. Recognizing that this is not the type of person you want to be is hard and not making up justifications for it can be hard, especially if you feel it was the right thing to do at the time. But time, acceptance of the consequences, and recognition and acceptance of your flaws can go a long way to helping.
soothingPeace91
June 30th, 2016 12:00am
a big point of being human is making mistakes. its easy to forgive others or being forgiven but its harder to forgive yourself.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2016 1:09pm
It may take some time to forgive yourself, but just remember that you are only human, and everyone makes mistakes.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2016 7:47pm
This body is going to take you to the end! Forgiveness in yourself is very important! ❤️ Loving yourself is so important in life, you should understand that a feeling of guilt from lying or cheating won't last forever. Seeking forgiveness in others is another important factor in beginning to accept yourself.
courageousMagic24
July 1st, 2016 2:55am
Make a promise that you will never repeat it again, and repent deeply over it. Also, confession may at times be a means of forgiving yourself.
BaseballGuy
July 1st, 2016 5:56am
Really cheating and lying is a lot of weight you are carrying. To really forgive yourself you should just tell that person what you have done. Sure you will remember what you have done but that weight wil not be there to bring you down.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2016 9:11am
You have to accept the fact that you were wrong and then do the hardest part and let it go , but learn from the mistake
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 8:42pm
Being open to your self dealing with the problem addressing it and coming to terms is one of the first steps to recovery.
uniquecreature41
July 3rd, 2016 11:21pm
You did what you did because of certain factors at that time in your life. You aren't the first person to cheat or lie and you're highly unlikely to be the last. Instead, think about what forced you into that position, how did it make you feel and what did you learn from it? If the consequences of such actions were a little hard to bear or hurt those closest to you, take it away as a lesson. It may somehow save you from committing the same acts and feeling the same way in future.
ladycat946
July 7th, 2016 1:35am
Well, don't be too hard on yourself, everybody makes mistakes, and if you did that, its because something was wrong in your relationship. It was a signal that something is really wrong. If you have remorse, it means you have a consciousness, and you realize what you did wasn't good. Don't forget that you and your partner are in a relationship together, it's not just you and what you did.
HopieRemi
July 10th, 2016 8:50am
Sometimes forgiving yourself for a behavior can be very difficult because you're angry at yourself. You have to remember that while your behavior wasn't exactly role model material, you're not a bad person. You just made one mistake. Forgiveness for yourself might take a bit, depending on you. You should read the self-help guide on forgiveness. You can find this by clicking Path > Self-help guides and then on that list you will see a guide titled "forgiveness".
lovemenend
July 10th, 2016 11:44pm
Grieve. Take accountability for ur actions. Apologize to who u hurt. Heal & dont punish urself 4ever
SeekersSolace
July 13th, 2016 12:47am
The first step in solving any problem is in recognising that there is one. Regardless of whether your action was a first or has happened before, you must think about how you came to that position and what you can do differently. Accepting/directing blame can be the easiest reaction but helps nobody I can assure you. Everytime I've ever made a mistake however big or small, I'm way ahead of anybody else to point it out and give myself a really hard time. It proves nothing apart from possessing a clear lack of self-esteem of which I am only keeping down by focusing on punishing myself essentially. Understand that forgiveness is vital in order to move on and be happy, but that doesn't mean you have to forget, as you must learn from your past also, in order to grow and avoid obstacles such as ones already committed. And remember that we are all in search of love and happiness despite the mean faces and dark places that exist, making mistakes is part of our process in doing just that.
uniqueMango45
July 17th, 2016 12:13am
Accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes. Not everything you do in life is going to be perfect, and considering the fact that you're feeling guilty - odds are you've suffered enough. Make a mantra to repeat so you don't make the same mistake, and work from it. Every day is a new day.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2016 4:06pm
There are Forgiveness communities on this site, and if you are a listener, there are guides under My Path > Training/Certificates. There is also the Forgiveness Path ;) Good luck!
GoodLux
July 20th, 2016 7:42pm
Forgiving yourself may be the most difficult part of the ordeal. If you're feeling you can't forgive yourself, my suggestion would probably be to just come clean and admit to what you've done. They'll be a lot you have to answer for but it's definitely worth it..
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 9:28pm
If it was done out of hurt and pain it is easier to forgive than it it was done intentionally. But realizing that we lie to protect others might not make it too difficult to forgive ourselves either.
brilliantParadise11
August 3rd, 2016 4:32am
Firstly you confess to the person so that you can gain forgiveness from them and with that you will automatically forgive yourself
TheNiceGuy1989
August 4th, 2016 5:43pm
realize we are all people of mistakes and missteps and wrong doings its what we choose to do after that defines how you can give yourself or not.
Anonymous
August 5th, 2016 2:57am
Apoligise and admit to the person that you have cheated on or lied too, it might not make everything better but it will make you feel better for admitting that you have done wrong.
TranquilRy
August 5th, 2016 9:50am
Accept to yourself, that you are at fault for cheating or lying. A hundred excuses can be given, but the fact remains that YOU chose to cheat or to lie. Acceptance is the start to the road to forgiveness!
Anonymous
August 5th, 2016 4:36pm
Understanding that you have made a mistake and accepting that mistake helps you move forward with working on yourself and learning from that mistake. :)
NumberEleven
August 7th, 2016 1:10am
Accept that you are human and that you make mistakes, we are a sum of our experiences, past and present and circumstances. Maybe you did something you're not proud of,but that's alright, you learn and you move on to make better mistakes.
slightlyodd99
August 14th, 2016 2:46pm
Understand that it happens. I find that people fit morals and people that commit so called 'immoral behavior' into segments and archetypes in their head, that perhaps these people are just naturally immoral and depraved, but those archetypes aren't true, and people can slip into a bad situation sometimes without even knowing it. Understand that it's not just your problem, it's a human problem, and that as long as you own up to it, and understand what you did wrong and why, then precautions could be taken in the future to prevent your future partner from being hurt
kindWind7771
August 17th, 2016 5:53pm
Admit that you made it mistake and try to not do it again. Remember that you are not alone in your mistake and that others have done it too. Remind yourself that you want to be better than what is expected and that you want to be better than you were when you cheated or lied.
gentleBubbles37
August 18th, 2016 2:09am
It may take a while but time heals all wounds. And eventually you will learn that everyone makes mistakes and you don't have to beat yourself up.
cryingkoalas
August 18th, 2016 11:40pm
Everyone makes mistakes, It's what makes us human. You recognized you made one, it's time to move on and learn from it. Life is made of experiences and those experiences, bad or good will make us learn and be a better person. Forgiveness is so important. Forgiveness is acknowledging that those bad experiences made you learn from them and know the consequences for them. Remind yourself that like everyone else you're gonna have bumps along the way and that's okay.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2016 8:29am
Forgiveness is so very important. We are all human and our imperfections have the tendancy to shine through on various occasions. This does not mean that we must put ourself through a self loathing process. Forgive yourself. Use your emotion to remind yourself to learn from your imperfect actions.