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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

304 Answers
Last Updated: 05/23/2022 at 11:37pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
thenamescereal
November 16th, 2016 7:21am
We need to understand that we all make mistakes and it's okay to make mistakes because we are human. Let the person you know that you are sorry for hurting them and let them know that you would not do it again. Then move on. Its okay to make mistake. It really is.
avanef
November 16th, 2016 10:09pm
Depending on how you hurt this person and if they're still hurt from whatever happened can be hard. In this world, no matter how many times you apologize and make up for the deed sometimes people will still give you a cold shoulder. The best thing you can do is apologize, and accept it with yourself. Not everyone will accept you back in their lives, but if you accept and love yourself then it won't be something you have to worry about anymore.
Bluelight33
July 25th, 2018 11:09am
If I would have hurt someone and get to know, I needed at first the forgiveness of God (confession) and if possible the forgiveness of the person I hurt to forgive myself. Furtheron, if possible I would like to make my up for my mistake. That is what I would need to forgive myself.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2016 9:49am
It's tough, the most important part is accepting that you've hurt them and understanding how/why it happened. Once you've accepted that it has happened and why it happened you then need to focus on letting it go. It's not an easy thing to do; guilt is an extremely potent emotion and it's one of the more tricky ones to deal with!
uniquecreature41
November 18th, 2016 7:11pm
I'm assuming you've had some tough conversations with yourself by this point; you've searched for the answers to why you did what you did, what sent you down that road and most importantly, what reparations you've made toward that person and are they aware of how sorry you are. If you've crossed those hurdles then it's time to know a few things; we're often harder on ourselves than we are on other people, we'll often forgive others before we forgive ourselves and we're also in the invidious position of remembering our own wrong doings long after we've forgotten what others did to us. On that basis, give yourself a break. Know what happened, own it, forgive yourself and move on. None of us is perfect and by making mistakes we learn a huge amount about ourselves in the process. Don't let history repeat itself and make attempts to live a good life; forgiving yourself will follow.
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2016 11:23pm
Forgiveness comes from within. And sometimes we have to forgive ourselves and let ourselves accept our own forgiveness, if that makes sense. If you have hurt someone, depending on the situation, it may be a normal process of the interaction between the two of you. For example, if someone had romantic feelings for you but you did not feel the same way, this is not something that can be controlled. As long as you are honest, but sensitive and caring about their feelings when you explain that you are not interested in them, this should be okay. If you feel you have hurt someone above and beyond something that you consider a normal activity, such as an act of betrayal, ask to speak with them and talk about what happened. Explain to them why you did what you did, and accept that you made a mistake. Honest, open, and truthful communication will go a long way. Ask for forgiveness and work toward making amends with the person; while the memories of what happened may not go away, the feeling of hurt can be repaired over time.
StellarBee
November 27th, 2016 7:11am
Recognize that you are a human being, and human beings, every single one, has their flaws. You are not perfect. Everyone hurts people sometimes, and most of the times it's an accident. If you feel genuine regret, you should recognize it and move on. You can't change the past. You made a mistake, yes, but now you should be looking forward into the future, because that is what matters, in the end. Forgive and move on.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2016 5:04pm
You have to forgive your self when you have hurt someone or else you will never move on you have to stay postive and think that you are a changed person.
Thistooshallpass46
May 29th, 2016 10:18am
Accept that what you have done is wrong and try and make it up to that person by getting them to forgive you
audienta
August 7th, 2019 10:51am
Sometimes we hurt someone because we protect us and sometimes we hurt someone because we are overwhelmed by feelings of angriness. When we look back to the events, when we're not in need of protection or angry feelings anymore, we start to feel guilty. We do not understand our actions anymore because we are in another state of mind then. But: We do out best in every situation. Sometimes our best is less than our best at another time. And sometimes our best contains hurting someone. When you are in a higher state of mind later, you can do your best then. You can apologize. And you can forgive yourself.
SilentSerenityy
May 22nd, 2016 11:47am
The first step to forgiveness is an apology. Apologise to them and ask for their forgiveness, then you can finally forgive yourself.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2017 11:06pm
Just know that everyone makes mistakes and that you were ignorant back then, but now you know and recognize what you did. Know that it's the past, there's nothing you can do now (in most cases), what happened happened, and that you can only learn from your mistakes and continue on with your life.
Kylisawesome
May 20th, 2016 11:50am
Well, just remember that you are human, after all. Everyone makes mistakes, including me. Just take it easy, and treat yourself nicely. What's done is done, you can't change the past. The one thing is you can do is remember to not hurt anyone in the future.
Aerum
February 11th, 2017 6:12am
Separate what you did from who you are. Realize that going back may not make things better. Sometimes you have to look for forgiveness in after coming to terms with yourself.
Alyeska81
July 13th, 2017 8:47am
Remember that people make mistakes. You may have made one, but you don't have to let that one mistake define who you are, who you want to be. It's easier said than done, agreed, but there really is no other way to go about this. Forgive yourself, forget the past, move on to live in the present and enjoy the moment. Good luck!
Anonymous
June 7th, 2017 8:14am
Think of others who may have forgiven you in your life and try and show yourself the same compassion you have been shown!
Anonymous
December 8th, 2017 8:44pm
Know that we all make mistakes and what happened had happened you cannot change what you did. But you can start over in a blank paper. If you can't rewrite what you did you still can write something new. Something good and beautiful. If you hurt someone then don't hurt anyone else again. Not just that but also be kind and take initiatives to help others and care about them always whisper to yourself "Be gentle " "Be gentle "also prevent other people from get hurt. Always remember you cannot change what you did. But you can control what you will do
nyanmeowmeow
December 23rd, 2017 12:54pm
Experience is nothing without mistakes and once you are aware that you've hurt someone, it's very easy to dump all of the blame on yourself. It will soon become apparent that you are the only one pointing the finger at yourself; if other people are blaming you, they will forget if not forgive over time. You have to learn from the moral of your mistake and take it along with you, not the blame but the knowledge and experience. With that, you can strive to avoid more mistakes and become a better person.
MollyCule
January 6th, 2018 6:30pm
This is a toughie. All I can suggest is to remember that you are only human — we’ve all hurt people, and we’ve all been hurt. But in spite of the mistakes you’ve made, they do not define you. You are not your choices. You matter, and you are worthy of forgiveness, especially your own.
JeshuaMorbus
January 18th, 2018 5:21pm
Standing up and asking for forgiveness to the one you harmed. You identify with your victim, because you don't want suffer the same they have suffered so, if you really feel that way, you should talk it with the one affected. You cannot achieve much by closing inside yourself.
Allerhelp12
January 30th, 2018 1:38pm
let them go, and move on find someone and talk about your problems to them let it all go and maybe have freedom and feel better
N0ah97
June 8th, 2017 9:25pm
Say sorry, and then remind your self, that everybody makes mistakes. We do have to make mistakes to learn something. Accept that you've done something wrong, give your self time to be mad about it, but also give your self time to let it go.
PosiPotato
February 4th, 2018 3:00am
Try to re-channel your energy into how you can prevent this feeling in the future. What lessons were learned? What would you do differently in the future?
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 8:12pm
So many people struggle with exactly this. People always focus on the victims and sometimes forget that it can be just as difficult on the other end. Just remember this, as cliche as it might sound. You are going to mess up in life because everybody messes up. There you go: everybody makes mistakes. There's no use beating yourself up about it because you can't go back and undo it, you can only learn from it.
ArjunAttam
February 8th, 2018 6:34pm
Nobody is perfect. Instead of feeling guilty we should try to work hard on not repeating the mistake
GxStephie
February 9th, 2018 12:06am
If possible, apologize to the person that you hurt. This may show the person that you regret hurting them, and they may forgive you. You yourself need to accept that you did something wrong but you must promise to not make the same mistake again.
magneticDog23
March 8th, 2018 5:45am
Ask forgiveness from the person, and try to kind with him everytime to compensate my past behavior or hurting him
Pgtipps
March 8th, 2018 9:22am
To forgive yourself for hurting someone is a hard thing to do. Each time it is completely different because of the situation you may be in. There is no definite answer on how to forgive yourself however a great place to start is knowing that you have learnt from your mistake/hurting someone and realising that it is unhealthy to harbour these feelings towards yourself.
Engineeringhappiness
March 8th, 2018 12:38pm
apologize to them and try to make it up to them . help them in anyway possible and make them understand your point
Anonymous
March 4th, 2018 5:02am
You can forgive yourself for hurting someone in he past by learning from your mistakes and limit further taunting actions and if you don't feel this is forgiving apologizing to the person you had hurt is another approach as well.