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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
November 23rd, 2017 2:53pm
Step 1: Understand that you cannot undo what you have done. Step 2: Realize that going back may not make things better. Step 3: Separate what you had done with who you are. Step 4: Get to the core of your emotion and release it. Step 5: Ask yourself, “Do you want to hold onto your suffering or let it go?”
January 3rd, 2018 7:04am
All human beings make mistakes!At times we just don't realise that we are hurting someone,we just let our emotions out.If you want to forgive yourself,apologise for that behaviour of yours and tell this to yourself that I can also make mistakes!
February 2nd, 2018 8:34am
Find out why you did the action. It's not what you did it's why you did it. Once you can figure that out, correct yourself, learn from your mistakes. And forgive yourself
February 14th, 2018 10:27pm
In order to forgive yourself, you'd have to be honest first, if you are indeed honest, you can try and do things to make you feel better about yourself, like helping out the person you have hurt, or really just do something like cooking or drawing to make yourself proud, also, helping other people does help you too, for example, be a listener here at 7 cups!
July 25th, 2018 11:09am
If I would have hurt someone and get to know, I needed at first the forgiveness of God (confession) and if possible the forgiveness of the person I hurt to forgive myself. Furtheron, if possible I would like to make my up for my mistake. That is what I would need to forgive myself.
August 16th, 2018 4:04am
I've been there. I think It depends; if that person already forgave you and you're just thinking too much about it you can always ask them again and make sure everything is okay between you two. Then it would be ideal to have some time to yourself so you can think and realize that the version of you who made that mistake is now in the past, and the actual you has improved as a person, because no matter what, mistakes are the best way to learn and now you know what you shouldn't do to hurt that person anymore. Remember that you're only human, and you don't have to punish yourself too hard for something that you did in the past and that is already settled. You can always be better. Remember that.
August 7th, 2019 10:51am
Sometimes we hurt someone because we protect us and sometimes we hurt someone because we are overwhelmed by feelings of angriness. When we look back to the events, when we're not in need of protection or angry feelings anymore, we start to feel guilty. We do not understand our actions anymore because we are in another state of mind then. But: We do out best in every situation. Sometimes our best is less than our best at another time. And sometimes our best contains hurting someone. When you are in a higher state of mind later, you can do your best then. You can apologize. And you can forgive yourself.
March 27th, 2016 1:26am
to err is human and to forgive is only grow bigger when you learn and forgive and stand up and move on.
March 28th, 2016 11:18pm
Realize you were wrong, fix the damage and learn from your mistakes,
March 29th, 2016 5:14pm
Apologise, make amends, and learn not to make the same mistakes. It's painful but tackle it 1 step at a time.
March 30th, 2016 3:31pm
You can't. You can only wait until it goes away. If the person is still alive - apologise. If not - you can only send your thoughts.
March 30th, 2016 10:54pm
If I hurt someone, the guilt eats at me. But I know to forgive myself, first I must acknowledge that I caused this hurt and apologise for it. After that I try to let go of the guilt and forgive myself.
April 3rd, 2016 5:15pm
By accepting that you hurt someone and that you can't change the fact that it happened. The first step is always acknowledgment.
April 5th, 2016 5:49am
Accept the fact that you did and promise to do better next time. Learn from your mistakes and get up. We all make mistakes, don't be afraid to pick yourself up and keep walking.
April 6th, 2016 5:54am
We all make mistakes. The best thing to do is move on,forgive yourself and not to make that mistake again
April 7th, 2016 9:15pm
We have to learn from our mistakes and have to make sure to never repeat the same mistake again. Instead, we have to give compassionate towards others.
April 8th, 2016 6:39am
it's all about making ourselves comfortable in our own company by accepting all the guilt rather than blaming any other factor. which will be a miraculous thing that will led us to trust ourselves for not doing any wrong again and loving ourselves.with all the heart of forgiving and forgetting any worst had happened.
April 8th, 2016 10:58am
I find that, once you work out what caused you to hurt someone, and why you did it, it is much easier to realise whether or not you meant it. It's then a lot easier to forgive yourself.
April 9th, 2016 3:50pm
Ask for their forgiveness. That would help you forgive yourself. Also, what is in the past is in the past. You cannot change it. :)
April 23rd, 2016 12:41pm
If you hurt someone, you automatticaly feel guilty. This is a human response but that shouldn't keep you from moving on. Making mistakes is only human and you will make a lot of them. You should however always try to reflect on what you did and if possibly make it okay again.
April 27th, 2016 8:40am
It just takes time, you have to remember we're all human, we all have flaws, and we're all equal. Even if we accidentally hurt someone or on purpose they won't remember it years down the road and they'll more than likely forgive you
May 2nd, 2016 1:59am
I think the first thing you have to do, is to know what you have done, and see clearly that it was wrong? and then you have to exept your mistake and what you did. And if you hurted someone telling them sorry? Right, because in the second you saying sorry for what you have done you show the person, that you understand that, what you did was wrong or bad or at least that you regret it. And like many say, no mater how wrong or bad it was you have to see that is already done, and you can't do anything with the past , But you can do something with the future.. like not repate it:)
May 5th, 2016 11:46am
Broke a million hearts just for fun, guess who is lonely and pathetic with no cure on themselves
May 5th, 2016 1:57pm
By apologizing to the person. Apologizing is really easy, just be sincere in your apology, also by trying to fix the mistakes you did and the bad things you have done to this person, so that you could feel less guilty and more happy, you never know that person might be happier than before.
May 8th, 2016 3:02pm
Apologize that person you hurt, it will make ur side save, and if that person didnt accept the apology just be satisfied that u did ur part
May 8th, 2016 5:17pm
Your question is worded perfectly. Feeling guilty only serves to make us feel better about something we have done without addressing the behavior that brought us to that point. For me at least, forgiving myself for hurting others means I have to accept that my actions caused the hurt. Facing what we did breaks its power over us and helps keep us from repeating our mistakes. One path is to believe that forgiving ourselves is a duty. We do it so we can be our best selves when we are with others. The only advice I ever give fits almost every situation. Whenever I am with someone I say to myself, "The person in front of me is important and their happiness matters." I hope you come to a place of peace with what happened. ~J
May 10th, 2016 12:29am
Think back to a time, when someone you loved hurt you. Did you forgive them? Chances are, you did. So when you hurt someone else, why is it that we can't find the heart to forgive ourselves. We are our own words critics at times and it is hard to accept the actions we made that hurt another individual. We are human, we all make mistakes; however, this does not define who we are and what we are yet to be! Our mistakes can be a learning process, a painful one at times but nonetheless a learning experience. This does not make us a bad person. In order to forgive yourself you have to be able to accept your good and bad side and acknowledge that it takes time overall to not make mistakes. Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7, 365. When you are around new people or similar situations, think back to what you could do better and do it. Life is about finding yourself and accepting who you are. Love yourself unapologetically and strive for the better side of you to make an impact.
May 18th, 2016 8:14pm
Talk to them, ask for their forgiveness. They may be understanding about the whole situation, and you can move on. Looking back on the event now that it has happened is a great way to learn from an experience. Know that you can not change the past and what has been done. In situations like this, I have learned quite a bit from reflecting on the incident, and was able to use that in future problems.
May 19th, 2016 11:06am
Everything happens for a reason. Think about that statement. You must forgive yourself because it happens.
May 19th, 2016 3:58pm
Learn to accept that no decisions are stupid. They may suck but things are meant to happen in this way.