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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 20th, 2016 1:42am
Well, I talk to the person about the experience and clear things up, and just talk to them in general.
Link22
May 21st, 2016 7:00pm
You need to find closure. Look deep inside yourself. And look for what is bothering you the most. Try to apologize to te person you hurt. That might help.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 1:44am
Self acceptance is one of the most valuable things that you can do, and it goes hand in hand with accepting your mistakes so you can grow as a person!
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 10:08am
As time passes we need to learn for forgive and forget do we can move on. Forgiving yourself is a long process but it starts from with in
helpfulunicat
May 25th, 2016 4:13pm
Realize that you cannot change the past and your mistakes don't define you. Apoligize, and even if you cant make up for it, learn from what happened and try not to repeat it again
peacefulPlace
May 29th, 2016 3:57am
Thats a hard one, I have hurt alot of people that are very close to me in the wake of my self destruction. To me, its about being able to grow and move on. There is no good in crying over something you cant change if you have already had a reflection on it.
EuphoricFuture
June 1st, 2016 5:01am
Apologize to the person you hurt to feel relieved of the weight lifting off your chest. Once the weight is released, you would feel better.
Anonymous
June 1st, 2016 5:07am
my friend you have thought that you have done wrong thats a great thing many ppl dont even think of that all you need is say sorry to that person if you can or try to convoy your message to him or her rest is it will affect you for time being try to distract your mind with some other thing say sorry infront of your mom bcz she is only person in the world who can understand you and give you best suggestion if she forgives you thing that all will be fine
JammieDodgder
June 1st, 2016 1:16pm
Take time to reflect on why you hurt somebody. Take time for yourself to learn about what you did and how you can change and learn.
TeenWolf
June 1st, 2016 9:00pm
You should first of all ask for forgiveness then try to find ways to getting it off your mind like reading or other hobbies.
gracefulMelody72
June 3rd, 2016 2:55pm
Just be positive and feel its ok it was a mistake and life gives us second chance so i have to make maximum use of it
helpfulocean33
June 5th, 2016 4:13am
It's really difficult but you can. Start with having their forgiveness it helps and try talking with the person about how you both need to forgive you so you can both move on.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2016 5:37pm
You need to apologize to the person that you hurt. They have to forgive you. After that you need to accept that it happened, that you can't change the past. Afterwards you will automatically forgive yourself.
JoyfulHeart822
June 8th, 2016 2:48am
First try to get the persons forgiveness. This will make it easier to forgive yourself and help you find closure. However, if you cannot do this, just remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and that you have learned from this one.
ari88
June 9th, 2016 4:56pm
You need to put yourself in their shoes and think of it the other way. For instance, people have hurt you before and imagine how they might feel on the inside about it. Show yourself the same love you might show them, for the countless people that will come into your life and hurt you.
Joy4u
June 10th, 2016 8:34am
Apologies to the person directly and do things better in future to not repeat the actions you regret.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2016 11:28am
To forgive yourself for hurting someone, you need to understand and recognize your faults first......
Anonymous
June 11th, 2016 10:14am
If you didn't hurt somebody on purpose forgetting about it , is the easiest way to forgive yourself. The person you hurt is not perfect. No human being is perfect, it's part of being a human being. Forgive yourself by realising this person has made mistakes and forgiven themselves. Another way is by realising the flip side to everything in all situations. See the positive. I think everything has a flip side. For example, if you hurt somebody by cheating on them, the good thing is you enjoyed yourself while you cheated and your intention wasn't to hurt the person but to enjoy yourself. Actually,that's a bad example! DON'T CHEAT! I have a better example...if you hurt somebody by telling them your honest opinion and they are upset. The positive side is that the person can't turn around and say " You lied to me." As you've told the truth .
musicalApple30
June 11th, 2016 12:09pm
You should know that you cant change the past, you already hurt that person, but you can be better, I mean all things u have done are like dust on the glass, u can remove them by one blow, change urself and become someone better instead of not forgiving urself and time passes, Time is running u cant sit and feel guilty over something in the past. Yes you can feel guilty but uts the first step of becoming someone better but if only u began to process
HopeWithin
June 16th, 2016 11:08pm
Forgiving yourself starts with acknowledging that you're not perfect. Sometimes you're going to make mistakes and that's okay as long as you learn from it. The next step in forgiving yourself is remembering that what is in the past has already been done and we cannot change it. Move forward and learn from it! :)
nitrons
June 18th, 2016 3:58am
Learn from your mistakes. You can not go back to fix what has been done. What is in the past has passed, let go of it and live in the present. You can always apologise formally to the person. But please be reminded that it's their choice if they want to forgive you. The question is, would you forgive yourself?
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2016 1:07am
You must love yourself and open up your heart. Truly I believe we are all kind people who do not wish to harm or cross over anyone. Perhaps I am nieve in that and there are wicked people out there somewhere. So you must forgive yourself first, and apologize to yourself for hurting that person, if you truly do feel guilt.
TheOneCalledMike
June 23rd, 2016 9:34pm
If you have hurt someone and you feel bad, don't beat yourself up for it. Make an effort to apoligize to the person and explain you feel guilty for your actions. If they do not accept your apology or do not aknowledge it, then know you tried to make things right.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2016 10:16am
It's hard to forgive yourself but you need to. Everything happens for a reason. And also, I'm sure that you didn't hurt her intentionally.
heyitsyusuf
June 26th, 2016 7:42am
To forgive yourself for hurting someone is to accept the truth of the matter- even though we mean to do well, we're not perfect.
AllieNightingale
July 2nd, 2016 12:41am
I don't think there's any step-by-step guide. It takes self-reflection and patience to realise why you did what you did, moving towards changing the part of yourself that did it - whether it was with good or bad intentions - and realising that no one is perfect, but you can learn from your mistakes.
Bri22
July 2nd, 2016 4:25am
Know that you can both learn. Your intentions, actions and response all reflect you - not one action
alwaysafriend4u
July 2nd, 2016 6:23am
first that someone should forgive me. i apologize , show regret, explain. ask that someone if he can help me forgive myself- by forgiving me. i must admit my wrong doing. i must give myself detailed report (very elaborate) of my miserable actions , specify what damage each action/deed inflicted. accept my guilt in my mind. accept responsibility - try hard to make amends. try to do something extraordinary nice for that someone, just to make that person happy. (only if that someone could forgive me) draw conclusions from that incident about myself (maybe i was not sensitive enough/ maybe i overreacted ...). implement enhanced behavioral strategy towards other people. try to improve myself.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2016 5:25pm
Everyone make mistakes. First of all, we must admit that what we've done that time is wrong and promise that we will never do that again. Then, this is the most important part, we must apologise to the one that we've hurt. Doesn't matter if they don't forgive us, the point is that we have take responsibility for our action.
GingerBread212
July 7th, 2016 12:57pm
You can go through the self help guide on forgiveness and the 12 steps to healing. I find these guides very useful here. It teaches you on how to make a change and how to make amends to them, whether they are still around or not. In the end, it all boils down to sincerity and compassion