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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
July 7th, 2016 5:14pm
Just think about it this way ! what has been done cannot be undone ! trying to think about this one and how you hurt him is waste of time , you should accept the reality that things happened and it won't again
July 10th, 2016 4:40am
depending on the way you hurt them it can take time. the most thought through way is to ask yourself, are they feeling the way i am now? if the answer is yes then you may need to talk to that person, if it is no then you can change your set of mind, slightly changing to where you want to be.
July 13th, 2016 6:33pm
To learn from it and not do it again in the future. Apologize to the person you hurt to feel better.
July 14th, 2016 4:37pm
Accept that you're human and that you make mistakes, try to make amends if possible and just do what you can.
July 17th, 2016 6:48pm
I know from personal experience that you won't ever feel fully better until you talk to the person you've hurt. The person might not forgive you, or with time and if you show that you're truly sorry, person will forgive you. You can do a lot of stuff to forget and try to forgive yourself, but you never really will. Deep inside yourself you'll think about the person you've hurt. So i suggest talking to that person. If the person won't listen, wait or try finding a way to talk with them. You can always ask people on this site for help. I wish you all the best!
July 21st, 2016 4:10am
Talk to friends and mentors to see if the way you're coping is logical. There is a chance that you feel overwhelmed and are not thinking clearly.
July 22nd, 2016 11:59am
Find a way to justify your actions, you can forgive yourself with ease. Try looking at the brighter side of your actions.
July 23rd, 2016 6:29am
Apologize that person and promise you wont do it again being sorry is also a blessing feel the goodness in you and move on
July 27th, 2016 5:50am
If you hurt someone, beating yourself up will not change that. Don't hurt yourself as well. Looking forward instead of dwelling on what has already happened can be the first step to forgiving yourself.
July 27th, 2016 5:55pm
You can't take it back, so you must move forward. Yes, you may have scarred them and yourself, but there is hope. There is beauty out of a storm. Learn to love yourself and all of your flaws. Your mistakes don't define you, they help you learn
July 28th, 2016 11:42am
Its not easy to accept your mistake and seek forgiveness... Often people don't even care... But You are accepting it and seeking forgiveness... That's beautiful :) Please talk to the one who You thought have been hurt because of you or because of something that You must have done... Apologize with all Your heart... Try to make up for your mistake if You can... If the person whom You hurt is not in touch with You... Write in a letter acknowledging Your feelings and seeking forgiveness... It takes a really big heat to forgive someone and it takes a even bigger heart to forgive oneself... Hope You find Peace :)
July 30th, 2016 3:52am
Before you can work on forgiving yourself, you have to be sure that you make things right with the person you hurt. You make things right by apologizing for hurting that person and asking for forgiveness. Then you work on trying to be a better person. In due time, you will start to forgive yourself for what you have done because you will see the awesome person you are becoming.
July 30th, 2016 12:55pm
Being able to step back and evaluate the situation. Then, being able to slowly get over it as it would not be easily dealt with for this.
July 30th, 2016 10:32pm
Understanding why you've hurt them and what caused it can be a massive step towards self forgiveness !
July 31st, 2016 3:34pm
Nobody has ever walked upon this earth without hurting someone. Whether it was killing someone or simply breaking a heart, everybody has done something to another that they want to take back and they have had to forgive themselves for. You are not a terrible person and you are not someone who cannot be forgiven. It may take time, but focus on your positive qualities and the things you did right rather than the things you did wrong.
August 4th, 2016 4:59pm
Remember that it was a mistake, everyone makes mistakes, everyone hurts someone by accident your not the only person that's hurt someone it was an accident
August 5th, 2016 1:45am
Acknowledge it. Don't pretend it didn't happen. Apologize if you can. Accept repercussions. Don't make the same mistake again and that will be honorable enough.
August 6th, 2016 9:38pm
You probably should find the reasons why that happened. Maybe it was not completely ur fault.......
August 10th, 2016 3:12pm
Forgivness is something you have to work on. To forgive yourself is hard. You have to accept what you've done and realize it was an accident and not something you did on purpose.
August 10th, 2016 4:18pm
You just have to realise what you did to that person and say to yourself that you are forgiven because it will eat you inside
August 11th, 2016 2:23pm
The easiest way I've learned to forgive someone who hurt me is to forgive them for my sake. Me not forgiving them is only hurting myself in the long run.
August 13th, 2016 5:38pm
I think it is never easy to forgive ourselves for hurting someone. But maybe, we can start by acknowledging the guilt that we feel. We have already placed a "criminal sentence" on ourselves for hurting someone and we know that what we did is wrong. There is no acceptable excuse for what we have done. So we feel guilty and we want to give a sort of justice to the person we hurt but we also have to be fair with ourselves. We have already acknowledged our mistake and we have already asked for forgiveness to that someone. We tried to make up for the mistake. There is no further need to look down on ourselves and treat ourselves like forever monsters. It's unfair to ourselves to judge and define prematurely who we are and who we will be by a mistake (yes, this mistake is part of our life, but it's not the whole of our lives). We're not giving chance on ourselves to be a better person if we don't believe we can be.
August 14th, 2016 6:30pm
Not grieving over the situation. Kindly and meaningful apologies help at times. Also, check in to see if they are okay, if they do not want to be bothered do not bother them. Reassure yourself that it will be okay.
August 17th, 2016 5:07pm
first is that you need to learn "acceptance" it is part of our life that we hurt people whether it's intentionally or unintentionally. because not all the times we know what they are thinking or feeling, maybe the best way to forgive yourself is by apologizing to the people you hurt and it's up to them if they will forgive you or not at least you did your part to say sorry for hurting them. I hope that this helps you :)
August 17th, 2016 5:45pm
Ask them to forgive you and try not to do it again. Also, remember that nobody is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes.
August 18th, 2016 2:50am
Ask for forgiveness. That is all that you can do, and behave appropriately from then on. But to forgive yourself... You have to prove not only to that person that you are sorry, but to yourself too. And you can only achieve that by being a better person.
August 18th, 2016 9:45am
Self-compassion is so important. I've fallen in guilt traps for years at a time. A simple thing I do that helps is to speak to myself as if I was speaking to a friend - this keeps me from being too harsh and gives me the freedom to treat myself kindly.
August 19th, 2016 2:50am
Apologize. It's really that simple, and if they accept your apology, it will make it that much easier to forgive yourself. If they don't forgive you, then you just have to realize that you've done all you can, and it's only them who is holding on. Just because they won't let go doesn't mean you shouldn't.
August 21st, 2016 7:07am
If you've said sorry and genuinely mean it and are kind to them, know that you've done all you can to make it up to that person.
August 21st, 2016 1:41pm
Asking for forgiveness is really the only way to begin to forgive yourself. If the other person won't accept your apology, you must move on.