Moderated by
Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 27th, 2018 10:53am
Many people hurt you in your lives and you swear to yourself never to forgive them, you tend to hate those that hurt you forever but at times you do that your selves unintentionally or intentionally, you hurt those who matter to you, may be you just want them to feel the pain you are going through. When you do this, the better approach is just to buy them a gift, an eatable like an ice cream is the easiest option or otherwise an accessory that can ease the tension between you, repair the damage caused by your words, heal the wounds and strengthen the bond eventually cleansing the air. This is a silent and egoistic way of saying sorry and lifting the burden on your conscience
Anonymous
September 15th, 2018 2:25am
The correct response to pain and guilt is to Learn to behave differently. This calls for some contemplation: How did I react that way? What can i do next time? What would be the best words for apology (if that is possible)?
No one is perfect, and I have made mistakes in the past and survived, but I want to be a better person, one who does not hurt others. So, I promise me this: I will do my best to Improve my Skills, and whenever possible make amends to any person I have hurt. That is all i can do, except Forgive Myself.
Anonymous
September 8th, 2018 5:05pm
If you want to forgive yourself for hurting someone, then you must first ask for their forgiveness. Buy it must must be a true heart felt forgiveness that truely cleanses ones heart and soul. You should discuss if possible the past hurt that was caused. However, you might be met with resistance on the others part who doesn’t wish to forgive you nor can they forgive because they don’t have the ability to. Grudges are the only thing that they understand. If that is the case then you can be at peace knowing that you have done the best you can. For now you can forgive yourself and them to if need be irrespective if they forgive you or not. Their grudge is theirs for the rest of their life.
Hurting people is a very harsh thing to do, but it is always can be fixed. You can forgive yourself and fix this by telling them that you're wrong and admitting your faults towards them. Of course, you'll have to ask their forgiveness after that and offer the will to fix things up for them.
This will not only make you a better & honest person, but will also give you the opportunity to not to lose that person, in fact you might bring his/her friendship/relationship because you showed him/her that were responsible for your mistakes and this is the trait of a mature responsible person.
What's important when it comes to self-forgiveness is to be able to have reached the point of feeling guilty in the first place; so often we fail to understand the negative responses of others towards us as consequences of our own behaviour toward them in the past. In my experience, self-forgiveness has not come easy; I have found it good and well to offer an apology, but the process of making amends has been exactly that, a process, involving actions which are demonstrably different to those I have exhibited in the past. For me it has involved being able to bear shame and to weep openly and honestly; having a confidante has been important in this, as has been the willingness to surrender to a higher power.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2018 12:39pm
You can talk to a lister in the 7 cups programme. You need to try and figure out what you did and why you did it. You should give this person time but after a while talk to them about what you did wrong. And never make it sound like you're blaming them. You need to love yourself with whatever way you are. And you should always try and be happy with yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. And mistakes are the things that help us learn for the future. Maybe try and talk to people who care about you or the listeners in 7 cups about what you are feeling.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 7:55am
Forgiving yourself is a hard road. Hurting someone can be extremely emotionally taxing. Try and talk to the person, and see what they have to say, if they can forgive you, then it may make it easier to forgive yourself. You made a mistake, and that is okay. You are still a good person, and accept that.
Asking them for forgiveness and doing what I can to make things right and then move on and forgive myself and make sure I do not repeat the mistakes I have made.
Even if the person you hurt hasn't forgiven you, you can still forgive yourself. You feel bad for what you did, you knew it was wrong, and depending on the situation you might have tried to change your actions to reflect how sorry you are. You deserve to be able to forgive yourself for you mistakes.
you should apologize to him and tell him how you feels, you have to promise yourself that you will not hurt people anymore then you will feel better
Apologize to the person you wronged , admit your fault , own up to your wrongs , recognize that you can do wrong because you’re human .
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 8:52am
Hello and welcome to seven cups! I just wanted to tell you that some things are inevitable... Nobody is perfect and it is impossible to be that way. You're only human, and we all make mistakes... So please forgive yourself because you deserve that forgiveness; the fact that you feel guilty about it proves this.
Have you asked them for forgiveness? If you can, perhaps you should try, if not, then understand that sometimes, these things happen. You're only human and you're allowed to make mistakes.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2018 3:15am
Acknowledge the mistake and the pain that you caused. Remember that as cliche as it sounds, everyone really does hurt someone at some point in their lives. We're all human and we'll have faults. Apologize to the person you've hurt, admit to yourself the pain that was caused instead of denying it, and move forward knowing that it's a lesson that you can learn from.
Accept that there is always a tendency for you to hurt other people because you are not perfect. We are all works in progress. Learn the lesson and let go.
The first step for me would be reconciling. If I did something wrong to someone in public then i should publicly apologize. Apologizing let’s the person know you feel bad and it helps when another person forgives you. When they don’t forgive you, then you need to think that you tried everything and there’s nothing else to do but let it go.
We all make mistakes in life, it is important however, to remember that we learn from these mistakes and move forward, taking the lesson with us so as not to hurt someone in the same manner.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2018 2:22pm
Make sure that person already forgive you! You don't have to feel guilty all the time. Sometimes it's not always your fault. It might be an accident. Not on purpose.
Try not to think about it. But before you do that, ask yourself why you did it. Or what caused it. And then seek for forgiveness and also ask that person to forgive you.
I remind myself that we are all human. I have been hurt, and I have hurt others, and I will be hurt again, and I will hurt again. Choosing to learn and move on, instead of dwelling on the past, matters. Learn from the past, but live in the present, and teach so you make a better future.
If you feel badly about hurting someone, apologize to them. And if they have something to say back, allow it and allow their anger if they have any. This should help. Allow your own feelings of guilt and/or shame. Feel those feelings if they surface. Also journaling is a great tool. Write to the other person you hurt in there, note all your feelings. This should help you move on and forgive yourself.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2018 12:27am
Apologies to the person, learn from the past, and move forward. Remember that situation as you gain new experiences. It will get easier with time.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2018 8:53am
best way is to share with them, let them know your feelings. if you keep it to yourself it will stay like a scar in your life
Anonymous
April 6th, 2018 7:51pm
I have hurt people I love through my actions. Before I could even think of forgiving myself, I had to figure out the reasons for what I did. Then I had to decide how I would change my behavior. Every day is one step at a time. I can't focus on regrets, because I can't go back in time. It's not the easiest thing in the world, because I still feel guilty, but I need to move forward and do better.
I would do my best to try to openly apologise and ask for forgiveness. Then acknowledge their right tot be mad but slowly try to rebuild trust.
If you have tracked how you have changed as person since that incident has happened and you truly believed you changed as a person since the event has happened. If you have changed as a person and the other person knows your condolences have been said it should be ok to forgive yourself.
You can make amends with that person, you can try and fix it with that specific person. We can't fix all of our problems with everyone 100% of the time but we can try too, and that is what matters. Effort, If you can say to yourself "I tried to make amends with this person, I tried to fix what I did to that person" then that's all you can do, you tried and If you managed to do so then that's amazing and you should be proud of yourself for it
Anonymous
April 25th, 2018 10:10pm
By realization and time. Allow time to let you realize that it is inevitable to cause harm to someone of any form, regardless of your kindness. It's in the human nature, embrace it and accept it. But above all, if you remorse, you may forgive yourself then.
Try apologizing and thinking about what you did wrong. Or just learn from your mistake and try not to hurt then again. Not learning from a mistake is way worse than hurting someone.
Sometimes it is difficult to have compassion towards others & this leads us to judge them harshly. This can hurt someone very much.
But just like having compassion for others, we should also have compassion towards ourselves. We may have hurt others for whatever reason we did, but we shouldn't hurt ourselves because of it.
Related Questions: How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
What do you do when you have no passion or drive?My anxiety is getting worse and depression won't let me live my life, how do I overcome this?I feel sad a lot, unmotivated, and I often can't stop crying for many hours. But I sleep and eat decently and I also can smile or laugh sometimes. Am I depressed or just sad?How to get things done professionaly at work when I'm very depressed?How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?I am struggling with codependency and depression. I cannot afford therapy. What can I do to get help?How do I help explain to a parent that what I feel is valid after they reacted badly?How can I open up to people more even if it scares me?How to deal with depression fallout?Why do I hate myself so much?