Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 19th, 2017 1:01pm
You've hurt someone in the past and you have difficulty in forgiving yourself yet, the fact remains that you cannot really control what has already happened and you will have to move on eventually. You will have to realise that, if the person has forgiven you, you deserve to forgive yourself as well
GentleTrixie
May 20th, 2017 1:02pm
Whenever I feel deeply bothered every time I hurt someone, I do these three steps. First, I try to remember what happened. Trying to recall the event makes me reconstruct how I should have acted to avoid hurting somebody. Second, I pray to God to give me the strength to do the last step. The final step is talking and apologizing to the person I have hurt. It takes courage and humility to do so, but it sure is very effective and helpful.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2017 3:16pm
When we hurt someone intentionally or otherwise its normal and healthy to feel guilty. Forgiving yourself is important. You are only a human being and you made a mistake. Its not the end of life. Think about it. If someone else hurt you the way hurt the other and they were genuinely sorry then would you forgive them? If yes then you should forgive yourself too. We human beings are usually far more kinder with others than we are with our ownself. Learn to be kind to yourself.
blissfulEars16
June 3rd, 2017 6:33am
Starts with openly admiring your hurt to another. Once you have forgiven yourself you must then ask the person you hurt to forgive you. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. You are able to release that weight that has been following you for sometime. You will find you are able to breath. Now just because you ask for forgiveness doesn't mean you will be forgiven. You have to be prepared for someone saying they don't forgive you. It may take them sometime or they may never fully forgive you. Understand that's their right. You can't force forgiveness. You have to be ready for that side of forgiveness. But as long as you have forgiven yourself and made the right decision to make your actions and choice right...then you are forgiven.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2017 8:14am
Think of others who may have forgiven you in your life and try and show yourself the same compassion you have been shown!
N0ah97
June 8th, 2017 9:25pm
Say sorry, and then remind your self, that everybody makes mistakes. We do have to make mistakes to learn something. Accept that you've done something wrong, give your self time to be mad about it, but also give your self time to let it go.
heyitssoph126
June 16th, 2017 5:31am
Apologize sincerely to that person, try find a time & work it out w/them. Don't beat yourself up too hard over the matter. People make mistakes and as long as you learnt from it, that's another important point too :)
heartfulDancer89
June 19th, 2017 6:00am
When you hurt someone and you feel guilty about it, that's already a good sign, it means that you are a person who is trying to do the best you can, trying to improve. Acknowledge that, and accept that you are a human being, allowed to make mistakes and to learn by them. Make sure that you learn something from the experience, and, if possible, do your best to help the person you hurt to heal (if they allow you to). Forgiveness is a feeling just as much as it is an action. Love yourself and embrace the fact that you're not a bad person, you only made a bad deed. That doesn't have to define you... It only has to teach you how to do better next time. You can't change the past, but you can build a better future.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2017 9:02am
For me it's important to apologize to the person you hurt and make very clear that you regret it. For forgiving myself I promise to myself that it won't happen again and make sure I understand why I did it so I can prevent that situation from happening again.
shadygirl0526
July 7th, 2017 1:46pm
Acceptance. Accept all your mistakes. Do you feel guilty enough? Have you tried to approach them to explain yourself?
Maddlyyy
July 13th, 2017 7:52am
Understand you're only human. We all make mistakes and everyone has the chance to be forgiven. Don't be afraid to apologize to them.
Journey2Healing
July 21st, 2017 5:35am
It can be very hard to forgive others, but often it is hardest to forgive ourselves. We are often so hard and critical of ourselves. I think that it's important for you to remember that beating yourself up over something that has happened is not going to solve the situation. However, when you forgive yourself and learn to accept the things you can't change, it'll help you become happier. I recommend the 7 Cups guide on forgiveness.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2017 12:56pm
It takes some time to heal sadly. Just do what you can to apologise to the person and try and make things right again and you'll start to feel better after some time has passed and it becomes water under the bridge
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2017 10:48pm
Take the responsibility, empathise and think about why it happened. Then you are ready to be forgiven
pantspants
August 18th, 2017 9:37pm
In my personal experience, it was hard to forgive myself, a lot of people will say with time it will come, but with time not only do we realize what we have done but it necessary we give ourselves that, if we try to forgive ourselves right away it may be hard, it was what I did and it took time, we should let it come to us and journal down or mock draft our feelings about the situation daily to see how it changes.
Anonymous
August 30th, 2017 3:05am
Forgiving yourself for hurting someone is really tricky. For me, in order to forgive myself I need to make sure that the person I hurt knows I am sorry and regretful of what happened, whether or not they choose to accept it.
Anonymous
September 13th, 2017 7:53pm
Remember that everyone is probably guilty of hurting others. Be encouraged that you care so much about another's pain. Concentrate on what good you can do for them now!
lovatsbian
September 20th, 2017 4:16pm
it's best to realize that you are, after all, only human. You will make mistakes because in truth, we all do. You should never punish yourself for your mistakes though, because we all make them. Typically, we tend to be less lenient on ourselves when we'd forgive our loved ones in a heartbeat, but you should forgive yourself with the same passion.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2017 12:25pm
Talk to yourself and make yourself believe that nobody is perfect and its all right to make mistakes sometimes. And the best way to correct it is realise the mistake and apologise and to the person you hurt and to yourself and feel better about it.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2017 5:50pm
Try and be a better person overall. Especially to that person, if you are still in contact. Tell yourself, you're not gonna do what you did again because you don't want to hurt anyone or yourself because in the end, you suffered from guilt and regret. Compassion all around!
DreamsOfWonders21
October 22nd, 2017 12:38am
It will take time to heal and forgive yourself. Just know if they can forgive so can you. Yes it takes time but in the end it will be worth it.
KingLearQuixote
November 11th, 2017 4:13am
I think forgiving yourself for hurting someone else requires self-compassion. Self-compassion means that we are in the present moment, and are able to learn from the mistakes we made, and seek to grow from the wounds we caused ourselves and others.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2017 6:07am
-Ask yourself why you did it -understand your motives -realize the faults in your actions -know that you can't undo your actions, but you can make better decisions in the future
peacefulHeart33
November 12th, 2017 3:11pm
Know that in your weakest moments, you also hurt or disappoint people even if you don't want to. Try to move past it, don't dwell on it, and strive hard not to commit the same mistakes all over again.
FakzWift
November 15th, 2017 3:15pm
Everyone hurts someone once in awhile. But that doesn't mean you should think about it all the time. The best way i forgive myself is just to apologise to the person i hurt.
alexwolfgirl87
November 16th, 2017 6:58am
Try apologizing to the person and really do think of your actions. once you do, you can think of how to make things better
Anonymous
November 18th, 2017 1:15am
We're all human and we all make mistakes. Sometimes it's hard to forgive yourself, but after you forgive, it's really good feeling. Forgive, but remember what you did and try to learn from your mistakes.
Zivvi
November 18th, 2017 6:27pm
I think it takes quite a while to forgive yourself, depending on how big of an impact it had on the person But the first thing you should do is talk to them, and perhaps they'll forgive you, before you can forgive yourself.
Mityvac
November 19th, 2017 12:29pm
Start by asking forgiveness to the person you hurt. The next thing to do is accept what you did but forgive yourself for doing it. It's the past.
NotAGod
November 22nd, 2017 2:58am
You don't want to do it again, right? You regret it, right? Accept what you did was wrong and then move past it to move onwards. You don't want it to happen again. We're human, we make mistakes but we learn from them - to be better. Be better afterwards, that's when you know you'll forgive yourself.