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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
YasmineNotYours
November 23rd, 2017 9:18am
Try to reflect on why you did this and what is the context, were you acting upon anger ? maybe you were not in your normal mood when you did this.. find yourself excuses to help you forgive yourself
supersensitiveStrength
December 3rd, 2017 7:03am
One way is to make amends to that person. But if that is not possible, sometimes it's enough to avoid hurting someone else in the same way and recognizing both your limitations and the things you actually can do. Also, a good mindset to develop is valuing relationships over individual actions. Even if you make up for things but still see the rapport as a score sheet--getting -1 for hurting them and +1 for doing a good deed to them--even if you reach a balance of 0 or stack a +x number of good deeds, you will always feel bad because you're depending on the numbers. Forgiveness is less about acts, more about relationships--with others or with yourself.
Anonymous
December 8th, 2017 8:44pm
Know that we all make mistakes and what happened had happened you cannot change what you did. But you can start over in a blank paper. If you can't rewrite what you did you still can write something new. Something good and beautiful. If you hurt someone then don't hurt anyone else again. Not just that but also be kind and take initiatives to help others and care about them always whisper to yourself "Be gentle " "Be gentle "also prevent other people from get hurt. Always remember you cannot change what you did. But you can control what you will do
nyanmeowmeow
December 23rd, 2017 12:54pm
Experience is nothing without mistakes and once you are aware that you've hurt someone, it's very easy to dump all of the blame on yourself. It will soon become apparent that you are the only one pointing the finger at yourself; if other people are blaming you, they will forget if not forgive over time. You have to learn from the moral of your mistake and take it along with you, not the blame but the knowledge and experience. With that, you can strive to avoid more mistakes and become a better person.
MollyCule
January 6th, 2018 6:30pm
This is a toughie. All I can suggest is to remember that you are only human — we’ve all hurt people, and we’ve all been hurt. But in spite of the mistakes you’ve made, they do not define you. You are not your choices. You matter, and you are worthy of forgiveness, especially your own.
JeshuaMorbus
January 18th, 2018 5:21pm
Standing up and asking for forgiveness to the one you harmed. You identify with your victim, because you don't want suffer the same they have suffered so, if you really feel that way, you should talk it with the one affected. You cannot achieve much by closing inside yourself.
Allerhelp12
January 30th, 2018 1:38pm
let them go, and move on find someone and talk about your problems to them let it all go and maybe have freedom and feel better
PosiPotato
February 4th, 2018 3:00am
Try to re-channel your energy into how you can prevent this feeling in the future. What lessons were learned? What would you do differently in the future?
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 8:12pm
So many people struggle with exactly this. People always focus on the victims and sometimes forget that it can be just as difficult on the other end. Just remember this, as cliche as it might sound. You are going to mess up in life because everybody messes up. There you go: everybody makes mistakes. There's no use beating yourself up about it because you can't go back and undo it, you can only learn from it.
ArjunAttam
February 8th, 2018 6:34pm
Nobody is perfect. Instead of feeling guilty we should try to work hard on not repeating the mistake
GxStephie
February 9th, 2018 12:06am
If possible, apologize to the person that you hurt. This may show the person that you regret hurting them, and they may forgive you. You yourself need to accept that you did something wrong but you must promise to not make the same mistake again.
awesomeHorizon02
February 11th, 2018 8:42pm
Try to help people, youll see that you mafe more good than bad and youll feel great, also you can try to spend more time on volunteering as a listener at 7cups
CaptainObviouslyOblivious
February 16th, 2018 12:13am
So, what's done is done. You can't change what's already happened, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, make apologies that you mean and make sure to never repeat the same offenses. You have to accept the consequences to your actions, and although that may be hard, there's a certain kind of respect you grow for yourself living an authentic life.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2018 6:30am
First of all, accept that you have hurt them. Don't deny it forever. Accept it and apologise. Apologise to the person you hurt, because you hurt them and they deserve an apology. But also, apologise to yourself. Apologise for hurting someone and not being a kind person. Love yourself and others!
SamSammy12
February 16th, 2018 8:01pm
Really look back at the situation. Is it actually your fault for the problem? If so, think of solutions of how to make it up to the other person. There's always forgiveness.
flowering
February 21st, 2018 10:56pm
Humans were never designed to be perfect. For that reason, it may be inevitable that we may hurt somebody because they are different to us and we may be unaware of what could hurt them, and that is okay. Perhaps try to communicate with the person you had hurt?
Anonymous
March 4th, 2018 5:02am
You can forgive yourself for hurting someone in he past by learning from your mistakes and limit further taunting actions and if you don't feel this is forgiving apologizing to the person you had hurt is another approach as well.
magneticDog23
March 8th, 2018 5:45am
Ask forgiveness from the person, and try to kind with him everytime to compensate my past behavior or hurting him
Pgtipps
March 8th, 2018 9:22am
To forgive yourself for hurting someone is a hard thing to do. Each time it is completely different because of the situation you may be in. There is no definite answer on how to forgive yourself however a great place to start is knowing that you have learnt from your mistake/hurting someone and realising that it is unhealthy to harbour these feelings towards yourself.
Engineeringhappiness
March 8th, 2018 12:38pm
apologize to them and try to make it up to them . help them in anyway possible and make them understand your point
Nellielove
March 18th, 2018 7:51pm
You have to realize that you are a human as well, and that you are not perfect and that mistakes are going to be made. You have to realIze that you made a mistake but it isn’t the end of the world and things will be okay.
SunlessSky
March 24th, 2018 6:04pm
Sometimes we make mistakes, all of us. It doesn't necessarily make us bad people, it makes us human. And the way we would eventually forgive someone for hurting us, we also deserve forgiveness, especially from ourselves.
greatfulCupcake53
March 31st, 2018 8:10am
Living in self guilt is the the biggest mistake made. Done a mistake, then ask for forgiveness to that person. Help them. Helping the one you hurt often helps you to forgive yourself.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2018 8:53am
best way is to share with them, let them know your feelings. if you keep it to yourself it will stay like a scar in your life
peacefulthoughts71
April 6th, 2018 7:51pm
I have hurt people I love through my actions. Before I could even think of forgiving myself, I had to figure out the reasons for what I did. Then I had to decide how I would change my behavior. Every day is one step at a time. I can't focus on regrets, because I can't go back in time. It's not the easiest thing in the world, because I still feel guilty, but I need to move forward and do better.
NRomanoff
April 12th, 2018 10:55am
I would do my best to try to openly apologise and ask for forgiveness. Then acknowledge their right tot be mad but slowly try to rebuild trust.
Noahswaytopeace
April 12th, 2018 9:21pm
If you have tracked how you have changed as person since that incident has happened and you truly believed you changed as a person since the event has happened. If you have changed as a person and the other person knows your condolences have been said it should be ok to forgive yourself.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2018 12:27am
Apologies to the person, learn from the past, and move forward. Remember that situation as you gain new experiences. It will get easier with time.
Chippy09
April 13th, 2018 10:43am
Sometimes it is difficult to have compassion towards others & this leads us to judge them harshly. This can hurt someone very much. But just like having compassion for others, we should also have compassion towards ourselves. We may have hurt others for whatever reason we did, but we shouldn't hurt ourselves because of it.
crushinIn003seconds
April 18th, 2018 2:01am
You can make amends with that person, you can try and fix it with that specific person. We can't fix all of our problems with everyone 100% of the time but we can try too, and that is what matters. Effort, If you can say to yourself "I tried to make amends with this person, I tried to fix what I did to that person" then that's all you can do, you tried and If you managed to do so then that's amazing and you should be proud of yourself for it