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How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 11/17/2020 at 7:33pm
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Sam32
April 25th, 2018 10:10pm
By realization and time. Allow time to let you realize that it is inevitable to cause harm to someone of any form, regardless of your kindness. It's in the human nature, embrace it and accept it. But above all, if you remorse, you may forgive yourself then.
AprylFools
April 26th, 2018 1:50pm
Have you asked them for forgiveness? If you can, perhaps you should try, if not, then understand that sometimes, these things happen. You're only human and you're allowed to make mistakes.
EspritDuKaren68
May 5th, 2018 9:58pm
If you feel badly about hurting someone, apologize to them. And if they have something to say back, allow it and allow their anger if they have any. This should help. Allow your own feelings of guilt and/or shame. Feel those feelings if they surface. Also journaling is a great tool. Write to the other person you hurt in there, note all your feelings. This should help you move on and forgive yourself.
Jonnyboi8
May 23rd, 2018 4:39pm
I remind myself that we are all human. I have been hurt, and I have hurt others, and I will be hurt again, and I will hurt again. Choosing to learn and move on, instead of dwelling on the past, matters. Learn from the past, but live in the present, and teach so you make a better future.
perfectlyfruity6
May 24th, 2018 11:35pm
Try not to think about it. But before you do that, ask yourself why you did it. Or what caused it. And then seek for forgiveness and also ask that person to forgive you.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2018 2:22pm
Make sure that person already forgive you! You don't have to feel guilty all the time. Sometimes it's not always your fault. It might be an accident. Not on purpose.
Sken24
June 2nd, 2018 3:50am
We all make mistakes in life, it is important however, to remember that we learn from these mistakes and move forward, taking the lesson with us so as not to hurt someone in the same manner.
Hurricane67
June 3rd, 2018 5:32am
The first step for me would be reconciling. If I did something wrong to someone in public then i should publicly apologize. Apologizing let’s the person know you feel bad and it helps when another person forgives you. When they don’t forgive you, then you need to think that you tried everything and there’s nothing else to do but let it go.
lunaGrace15
June 6th, 2018 2:21am
Accept that there is always a tendency for you to hurt other people because you are not perfect. We are all works in progress. Learn the lesson and let go.
softNutella25
June 6th, 2018 3:15am
Acknowledge the mistake and the pain that you caused. Remember that as cliche as it sounds, everyone really does hurt someone at some point in their lives. We're all human and we'll have faults. Apologize to the person you've hurt, admit to yourself the pain that was caused instead of denying it, and move forward knowing that it's a lesson that you can learn from.
jovialScenery77
June 6th, 2018 5:03pm
Try apologizing and thinking about what you did wrong. Or just learn from your mistake and try not to hurt then again. Not learning from a mistake is way worse than hurting someone.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2018 5:11am
I know how hard this can be. Forgiving someone is easier than forgiving yourself. I've been there, i used to blame myself for every choice i ever made and made myself believe that i deserve this pain. but at the end of the day, you still have to move forward and be there for people, the past can't be changed no matter how hard you want them to. it takes time, you just have to move forward, and know you are a human too, human make mistakes and they can also fix them :)
Anonymous
June 8th, 2018 12:53pm
It is hard to forgive yourself but by acknowledging this fact and forgiving you will understand that it is something you will try no to do to another human being. And the fact that you are struggling to forgive yourself means that you care and fell sorry.
katawosuu
June 13th, 2018 1:35am
I feel personally that when I've hurt someone, the first thing that needs to happen is the seeking and granting of forgiveness from the person whom you have wronged because that which leads up to that moment is a lot of acknowledgment and self-reflection about that which I've done wrong. And that is necessary for me at least to finally forgive myself. I have to acknowledge what I've done wrong as well as acknowledge that that which I've done has hurt somebody and just learn from it.
alaskayoungg
June 21st, 2018 1:08am
The best thing you can do to forgive yourself after hurting someone is to think about all the things you have done which wouldn’t hurt this person and why you choose to hurt instead.
AleeshaLare
June 22nd, 2018 1:55pm
I’m order to forgive yourself for hurting someone, it’s improtant to acknowledge all that’s been done. And if you haven’t done already you need to apologise for this deed. There’s always a villain in a story, it depends on perspective but if you feel remorse, regret, guilt. I can assure you, you are not a villain. Forgiving yourself will be the most difficult thing to do. It’s a rocky and tricky road. A good start would be making amends with the person you hurt.
Positivityiskeyalways
June 22nd, 2018 11:42pm
You have to remember, everyone on earth makes mistakes. It’s how you learn and grow as a person after you made those mistakes that defines who you are.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 7:12pm
To error is human and to forgive is divine a saying which says you should give oneself a second chance after all we are all humans and humans are made to be make mistakes and learn from them
Anonymous
June 29th, 2018 5:30am
We all all human and we can unwittingly hurt people. We need to make sure we can talk things through before they escalate out of control. People will always have thier own agenda therefore putting extra meaning onto the problem. I’m then takes on a life of its own. Go to the person and apologise or write to them to try to resolve.
malena292
June 30th, 2018 3:26am
Step one: aknowledge you've hurt them. Step two: apologise. Step three: learn to forgive yourself. When you hiçurt soeone, the first thing you need to do is say you're sorry, After that, the rest is easier.
Power14
July 2nd, 2018 10:37am
You can forgive yourself by realizing the fact that past is gone. It only exist in our brains. Whatever bad happened cannot be improved if you dont do anything to improve it. If you hurted someone then try to apologize for what you did. Try to make that person feel better. Try all the possible ways which can improve the situations between you two. You can begin with forgiving yourself and try to shift your focus on improving the situation.
warmPudding59
July 4th, 2018 9:26pm
There is nothing you can do about it now except apologize and accept that you cannot change the past. Carrying your mistakes with dignity is hard at first but then will build your character.
Nuki6
July 5th, 2018 2:55pm
Forgiving yourself is way harder than forgiving someone else, because we judge ourselves way too much. But we have to remember that after all, we’re still humans and we do make mistakes. We do things we’re not proud of and hurt people we love, but if you have realized that what you did was wrong, then you’re not a bad person. You’re a good person who made a bad choices and you shouldn’t judge yourself just because you made a mistake. Try to think about yourself more in a positive way and if you can do anything to make up for what you did or do something good for someone else it might help.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 11:45am
First you have to make sure they know your sorry and secondly to know that you are sorry and soon enough you will be able to forgive yourself and feel happier in yourself.
overtherainbow17
July 8th, 2018 6:42pm
First step: DO NOT punish yourself. I found that does no good, and makes things worse. I very much understand how you'd feel the need to hurt yourself after doing so to others, but it's not worth it. But ways I've forgiven myself is: - Talking it out with the person, and seeing how they feel now. Exchanging opinions and facts. - Remembering God does not think you're a bad person; just sometimes we do bad things. - Give it time! Very important. Wait a few days. I've waited years to forgive myself for something wrong I've done. - Admit. You need to admit to what you've done. Take responsibility and learn from this experience. - Don't forget about the people who care about you! This can help your self-love. Which can then help with forgiving yourself. It's easier to forgive when you're full of self-love; not self hate. - Remember, you cannot change the past. You can only move forward from it. But maybe you can show the person you've learned from it and have changed to become a better person. Show you care about them. Care about yourself.
Akor1
July 15th, 2018 3:51am
Its taken me a long time to learn to do that. The first time that I remember forgiving myself I will admit,part of me felt guilt,like I was getting off too easy. But deep down not forgiving myself was hurting me, and I knew that hurting someone else and hurting myself was even worse. It's kinda like forgiving myself was step 1 in learning to treat myself better and as I treated myself better I was able to treat others better.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 9:07am
Forgiving yourself may be one of the hardest things to do, but what you can do is confront that person face to face and say sorry or tell them how you feel. By doing this, you'll know how that person feels and it may put you at ease.
atenana12
July 15th, 2018 1:15pm
I simply say, "its over, what I did can't be undone" but, I will sure to make up to that person, let him/her feel that it was my mistake and I don't want to do it again.
blissfulLight98
July 15th, 2018 8:50pm
I can realize that people have sensitivity levels that I may not be aware of, and I'm human. I may unintentionally say something that could be harmful to another person, but if they openly show that they are hurt I will try and fix the situation to the best of my ability. But I've learned that you can never be too hard on yourself
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 8:52am
Hello and welcome to seven cups! I just wanted to tell you that some things are inevitable... Nobody is perfect and it is impossible to be that way. You're only human, and we all make mistakes... So please forgive yourself because you deserve that forgiveness; the fact that you feel guilty about it proves this.