My feeling is that being deeply and intuitively attuned to the world can make you sad a lot, our world is far from being a safe place for all, and being connected to that can make you cry a lot, and rather than a sign of depression in the medical sense, it can be a sign of deep empathy and connection with the millions of sadnesses coming and going among humans. It can be a sign that you are connected with your own emotions, which is painful often, I know. If you sleep ok, then that is precious, and I am glad you are. Crying can sometimes be the best way the body finds to release the stress that comes with understanding the pain of others, whether you know them or just know that people here and there are suffering.
But it is possible that depression can start lurking around when the whole body starts modifying sleep, eating, energy patterns in response to an added stress or traumaI hitting a deeply, even sometimes unknowingly compassionate soul. To hear that you smile and laugh sometimes tells me that you are attuned to joy as well. It may seem strange to others, that you’d be experiencing both, but for me, from what I have experienced, it is a sign that you are connected to the world.
I often wonder whether depression and deep frequent sadness affects empathetic people more. I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Then being unmotivated could be your inner self gently nudging you towards an activity or job that allows you to reconcile the sadness and smiling. For example I was thinking of trying to volunteer on a improv theater project with people recovering from trauma. Another thing I am trying to do is write stories, (even if I don’t show them!), to see what comes up in my imagination to help a character when they are in trouble, and if I like what comes up, I use it for myself, to feel better. Because with or without depression, sadness can be so genuine and intense, it can affect a lot of aspects of your life.
The sadness feels to me sometimes like hearing many music instruments playing but not synchronised, it exhausts you but you can tell there is a beautiful piece of music in there, something you’d like to hear, you’d need to hear, you even vaguely recognise some of it, but it is scrambled somehow, and it doesn’t stop very often. When it gets unscrambled, though, and it does happens, I feel like the sadness was... strangely, my friend, just being patient but not leaving either.