This is a common statement which I hear a lot, both as a little whisper in my own head and when I talk with members. When I hear this it reminds me of a visual metaphor: a tug of war with you in the middle. On one side there's the team pulling for "wanting to feel better", on the other is the "I'm not able to". The "you" in the middle that wants a result is being pulled left and right, and it's exhausting! One side wants a positive emotional outcome, the other is providing reasons not to reach that destination. Well, what can we do? Different people approach this in different ways, some more successful than others. These include going ahead with changes but then finding they don't last. Others don't get that far and find they've already told themselves there's no point trying, so they don't. Either way, both approaches result in the same inaction: the same inability to get what you want. So faced with that dilemma I try to think about the areas I haven't looked at for whatever reason. Normally, it's because those areas fit into the 'too hard' or 'too painful' category, so naturally I avoid it, and let it gather dust. But see I know, that letting it gather dust rather than helping it to disappear, actually makes it harder to find, dig out and replace it with something else. So I try, and not always successfully, to tell myself that if I'm not achieving what I want, it's a trigger to help me switch on the spotlight, be really honest with myself and go into the forgotten warehouse of my mind to find those uncomfortable or painful boxes containing the real reasons I'm not making progress. Then it's a case of flicking into deeply honest mode and activating my bravery booster! See, once I find those switches, or give myself permission to flick those switches, I find I'm able to open those boxes and one by one, work out, acknowledge and accept what each item is and how it's been stopping me from getting what I want. I can do this with myself (harder) or I can reach out to do this with someone I know can guide me in a way that empowers me, and reminds me that I call the shots, and I can move on when I'm ready: that I can feel better when I accept I am able to.