Is it normal to not want to get better?
Last Updated: 11/09/2021 at 4:18am
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
Yes, that is normal, to some extent. You probably feel like that because you've been sad or hurt for so long that you're used to it by now, and may not believe that you CAN get better. However, if you're unwell, it's important to get treatment, almost especially if it's involving a mental illness. That being said, I would recommend seeking professional help from a psychologist or psychiatrist who can assist you with mental issues. Or, if you're not sure about counseling, then I would at least reach out to someone you trust and talk to them about how you feel.
It is human nature to resist change. It is normal to not want to change our state so in a sense, yes it is normal. It is human nature but it is definitely not healthy unless it the state we're in is something that is healthy emotionally and physically for us and has us content. Sometimes we're so used to pain that when we're suffering, even though it is bad, our mind wants to keep suffering simply because it is known. It is a state that we are very familiar with. This familiarity makes us not want to explore other options that are available to us. Adding that to a huge amount of work that is needed to help us get better, the mind chooses to suffer. This however can be changed. The process is hard but the path is simple. It is hard of course to put in the work to get ourselves up everyday and follow a routine/be disciplined enough to make our lives better, be it emotionally or physically but change happens as soon as we start. At first, it'll be hard but as we keep doing it over and over again, one day we'll find ourselves in a better place simply because we started.
I've had this thought cross my mind many, many times. I often wondered if there was something wrong with me because I don't want to get "better" and that there was a part of me that enjoyed being so miserable. After a little reading and meditation on the thought I think its more so of a new "comfort zone". At least in my own experience, when I was going through an extended hard time, eventually that place became my new normal. It was my new comfort zone being in that bad mental state. So I became uncomfortable being "happy" or stable. I spent so much time in that dark place that when life began to lighten up a little bit, it got a little disorienting mentally because I had become so used to being in that poor state of mind. So to answer your question, I wouldn't say its normal to not want to get better, but I do think not wanting to leave that "comfort zone" after being there a while is totally normal. I wish you the best and good luck on your journey.
Yes, I definitely think not wanting to get better or being stuck in that mind-set is completely normal. In my own experience, it is based off of fear and discomfort. Getting better means you have to put in the work to heal and grow, and that is difficult. Going to therapy or following your treatment plan/goals is difficult. There is always rain before a rainbow. Your journey is not linear, it is up and down and it is a bumpy road but the starting the healing process is worth it
It's normal for your brain and body to problem-solve stress in ways that don't look like progress. Everyone's timeline for feeling strong and restored is different, but you can get there! It makes a difference when you find small, subtle steps that feel approachable on your incremental journey towards sustainable wellness. This can include all sorts of short-term and long-term internal and external resourcing. It could be quick ways to vent frustration or shake loose despair, wherever you are, or identifying who you feel comfortable reaching out to for communication in moments of crisis or just regular old exhaustion.
Yes! I have felt that way before, and for many reasons. I’ve felt that possibly I would be a bad person, or just not the same if I my mental illnesses went away. I’ve also thought that if they go away, life would be harder. They give me reasons to get out of things, and I felt really bad about feeling that way at the time. It’s completely normal, and with certain mental illnesses, it’s probably that at work! You shouldn’t feel bad about it, and it is completely normal, I’ve known other people who have had these thoughts too!
Sometimes, we get used to the feeling of void and numbness that we become it. It might've been something you dreaded in the beginning, but its ends up being a part of you - which is alright and normal up to a point. But you shouldn't get used to it, The fact that you yourself recognize that there something so off with not wanting to get better is a start. You getting better would mean a lot for people who are around you (which you wont even realize). So you cannot give up. Pick yourself up. You can do this.
Yes, it is. When I first found out I had depression I didn’t want to get better. I think it was because I thought I didn’t deserve it. If you think you don’t then I want you to know that you do and no matter what happens you always deserve a second chance. It happens to a lot of people. I understand that you might be scared or maybe something happened and because of that you think you don’t deserve it but you do and always will. Don’t give up, the fight isn’t over yet! I believe in you and it’s okay if you take your time. You got this :)
Absolutely. "Getting better" involves change (which many of us avoid), and more, can feel like becoming a different person. We feel like we know our past and present selves (though growing often involves learning more about who those people truly are). Our future self may feel like a stranger to us, with all the uncertainty that entails. "Getting better" is often about growing skills, more effectively managing patterns, reactions, and choices. Skill-focused growth can help us become more fully ourselves, less disrupted by unintended or involuntary interruption. It's normal to want to be who you are, and to want to be more fully who you are.
It is actually normal to not want to get better! First of all, your natural state has been one of unease and despair, and it's natural that you're comforted by this - it's what you've known for so long, and we stay in places we find familiar. Another reason you may wish to stay where you are might be the fear of relapsing after you're getting better; falling back into a dark hole once you're in the sun is definitely scary and frustrating, so wouldn't it be better to avoid the disappointment? Similarly, you may believe that you'll never be happy, no matter what you do, so why even attempt to get better? But through it all you have to remember that just like the rain always passes and the sun always comes out, so will your sadness pass and happiness emerge - if you allow it. At the same time you have to accept that nothing is permanent, and relapses are normal. Finally, you have to step outside of your comfort zone - because only after you leave this can you begin to grow :)
Change can be hard and scary when you are used to things going a certain way, so yes. You feel safe even though you are not feeling as good as you should. Everyone are experiencing feelings differently and some might enjoy the thought of not getting better for many reasons and one of them are the changes. If you don’t want to get better yourself then it might be hard for others to know how to help you. Emotions can be hard to manage, but with the right attitude then almost everything is possible to get thourgh alone or not
It's probably more common than you think it is. Just almost nobody realizes or tells others because of fear of being judged. The cause of not wanting to get better is attention. When we first think about someone wanting attention, we think about that one girl in class that constantly lied and made drama. That's the extreme case and not what I am talking about. No, everybody needs attention in some way. By feeling miserable you do feel bad, but at the same time people start worrying or at least noticing you. So it's not a masochistic desire of wanting to feel bad, it's a call for help and love and attention. So the solution is clear, but not really easy. You need to get attention from someone, who will still love and care for you no matter how good or bad you might feel at the moment. Somebody is difficult to find, but possible. You don't need to do that now. Just let it sink in and think about what you've realised now. Try and accept it. It's okay. That'll take some time. And then we'll look for some solutions. But one step after the other.
It can happen sometimes because you might get so comfortable in being the way you are that stepping out of your comfort zone seems to appear very challenging and something that requires a lot of effort. When you're not feeling okay, you also have little motivation to do anything. Hence you have no energy to get better either. Although it is normal for somebody to feel that way if they have been unwell for a very long time or even for some time for that matter, it is very important to gather up the courage and energy and try to move towards progress because unless you put in your own effort, the situation won't change.
I got asked this same question the other day and I think there are days that we just don't feel like ourselves. It's not that we do not want to get better but it's more of not having the drive for anything, like you know something's wrong and either you don't know what to do about it, or you don't have the energy to think about it. When the pandemic started, I also looked for things to do to make good use of time, however, after a couple of months, this drive wore out and I found myself doing a lot of negative self-talk. It does happens to anyone even the most kind-hearted but I'd say it takes another person to tap you and say, hey you are a doing good and you matter.
I would say so, and I would guess there are many reasons. For me, depression has been a part of me for so long that I do not know what would be left if it went away. This is scary. Depression is familiar and easy, and I have learned to live with it, so change is always hard. Moreover, in the past, I have not wanted to get better because I did not think I deserved to get better. I would read all the suggested treatments for depression and do the opposite because I thought I deserved it. I have since realized that that is the depression talking, and it is not true—this was hard to do at the time and took a lot of work, but I got there. In sum, I would say that not wanting to get better is common and normal and also a complex feeling. I would try to ask yourself what your motivations are for not wanting to feel better, and I wish you the best in the future.
You might be feeling hopeless at the moment or not feeling as if you can see a positive future. You may also be feeling as if you don't know how to properly get better and may be feeling unsure of what to do or giving up. It's good for anyone to get better as it makes you feel a lot better but if you want to stay this way and not take care of your health it can be dangerous. If you feel as if you are under a lot of stress at the moment then it can be normal to not want to take care of your health as you are worrying about other things, but if you don't want to feel better in general then it might be because you just feeling hopeless right now.
I think it's normal for us to choose comfort over growth, or comfort over healing. It's much easier and less risky if I watch a movie on the computer than if I were to go to the gym. It's easier (sometimes) to avoid talking to someone than to open yourself up to someone and risk being hurt. But I'd also like to think that there is balance in this: it's okay for us to take a break and rest, and it's also okay for us to take a chance at being uncomfortable. I think in the latter we grow as a person.
I think that everyone wants to get better. The hard part is actually doing something to improve our situation. We may feel like we can't get better, and in that situation we must find a motivation, a reason why we should do our best to escape the tough situation we are in. Being stuck is difficult for sure, but we should fight to get better and there is hope. It feels like there is no way out and we can't escape the current situation/current problems, but we should do our best, start with little steps in the beginning and then keep going.
It is. It's most likely because you feel like it takes too much effort, right? Not in a degrading sense, that is. If you are not feeling well, chances is that you might lack energy, lack motivation. This is completely normal to just want to give up on some days. I remember saying the exact same thing to my father. What helped me with this is do very little, insignificant things that would make me feel better slowly. They took almost no effort. My first 'goal' ever was to just brush my teeth. I even failed at that! but the best you can do is be easy on yourself, and progress very slowly, wihtout putting pressure on yourself!
It is common amongst those who do not have the resources to get better, but overall, it is not normal to not want to get better. Mental health and well-being is a priority for a healthy and happy life. Those who cannot see an issue with themselves may never seek treatment as they believe themselves to be normal at all times. Here is where self-reflection and personal accountability is important for proper functioning and improvement. When we can identify our own issues and faults, we have lowered our risk of health problems stemming from untreated mental health issues. Therefore, it is normal to want to get better.
Yes, where you are, especially if you've been there for a while, can feel comforting and normal for you. Avoiding change, like getting better, is hard. For example, living a life of chaos, trauma, and instability will make you crave those things. Because it's all you know. Living a healthy lifestyle will feel strange and even boring. When you feel these things, it's a part of the process. You're just taking another step on your journey to getting better. It is not usually very straightforward. There's denial, the first steps like therapy/research, realization, grieving what you lost, diagnosis, change, coping mechanisms, etc etc etc. So yes, it is very normal.
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