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Is it okay to miss my biological Mom even though she abused me for the first 5 years of my life?

7 Answers
Last Updated: 10/25/2021 at 6:23am
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
October 19th, 2016 2:51am
Yes, of course it is, your mother is always going to be your mother, regardless of if your brain tells you otherwise. If you understand that it's not healthy to be around her, or what she did was wrong, then missing her is just missing a mother. Your mother. It can be hard to get over, and is completely okay.
August 14th, 2017 5:03pm
Despite the hurt she brought to your life in these five years, she is your Mom and not many others can fill that position. So yes, to answer your question, it is absolutely normal to miss her.
November 27th, 2017 1:20am
Yes, it is okay to miss your mom. Because your mom is still your mom, you miss having a mom but you don't miss the abuse, it's an all too confusing emotion.
June 26th, 2018 6:39am
I think you need to understand what about her do you miss. It's okay to miss other parts of her that were good to you, maybe even forgive her if you're capable of that. But don't allow her back in your life unless you're sure she's changed and wants to make amends.
August 7th, 2018 6:17pm
Of course it is! Your mom is your mom, you cared about her, and despite those bad memories you have, you also have good ones of her from that time, and you have good memories of her from past that time as well.
May 3rd, 2021 12:46am
Yes. You are the only person that truly knows your relationship with her, both the good and the bad. As we mature, those past relationships and experiences will also teach us new things, or open up other feelings or perspectives. For example, I blamed my dad for a lot of things as a teenager. But now I am in my 40's I can see how my mum never took care of 'her side of the street', and only complained about him. I now know that long term relationships are complex. I was able to forgive him for his attitude around the home 25 years ago. I hope this helps in some way!
October 25th, 2021 6:23am
Hello, I can sense and understand the dilemma you are finding yourself in right now. Human attachment is a complex process and experience. At times, our conscious processing of such emotions can be troubling or confusing. While I do not know your entire story, it sounds like you have been separated, which I am sure would have been a challenging experience. I want to iterate that your emotions are entirely valid, and the fact that you are acknowledging them is a healthy step. These emotions do not violate any boundaries you have set for yourself, neither does it undo the work you have to heal. They can co-exist as long as you prioritize your health and your physical and mental well-being. Recovering from any form of trauma is a journey. I wish you the strength and warmth to wade through this experience.