my bf suffers with depressio and is pushing me away, he says he loves me but never shows it, i dont know what i can do to help himother then leave, i feel like he is happy when im not around?
Last Updated: 06/09/2020 at 12:41pm
Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.
Top Rated Answers
i’d like to hear some more about this feel free to message me and i’ll do the best i can to sort it out for you
First, try to get them to talk to you about it. Especially the part about them seeming happy when you're not around bears room for huge misunderstandings. Even if you feel like you've tried it a thousand times before, consciously try to address these issues. Explicifying problems can help solve them or at least "make them real", and ensure that you two have a base of understanding. Plus, in situations like these, even if the talking itself is cut short or doesn't bring any results, it can still help you avoid feeling like you're at fault. If nothing else, it can later serve as proof for your own memory that you tried. Second, whether this particular relationship will last or not, not every personal problem can be solved with the help of just one's partner. This can be hard to accept especially in young relationships, but some of your partner's issues might be better discussed with someone other than you, e.g. a therapist. If your partner is not currently in therapy, and if there is a way for you to help them set it up, consider doing that together. You might be in a unique position to help your partner ease into therapy when they themselves would lack the energy to take that step. Third, if you're seriously considering leaving them in case nothing changes, set yourself a concrete deadline. I'm familiar with a lot of cases where a hope for change has kept people stuck in unhealthy relationships far too long. Setting deadlines can bring a tiny bit of objectivity into such emotional matters. The longer a situation doesn't improve or an approach doesn't work, the less likely it becomes that it ever will. Lastly, consider the old saying that to help others, one must first help oneself. Your own wellbeing is key, especially if your partner does not have the capacity to cater to it. Before asking yourself whether leaving someone is good or bad for them, ask yourself if it is the right choice for you.
Sounds like your boyfriend is unhappy and you feel like you are unable to make him feel better. Sometimes, it is best to just be there for your loved ones instead of trying to find ways to solve their problems. Your bf seems to be going through a difficult time in his life and might not be himself right now . You must also remember that when people are unhappy, they may have a hard time understanding those around them. Try to give your bf enough space and try listening to and empathising with his problems. Hope this helps :))
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