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What do I do when my husband is depressed?

117 Answers
Last Updated: 05/17/2021 at 3:10pm
What do I do when my husband is depressed?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Evelyn Coker, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
bouncyBlueberry37
July 2nd, 2016 2:07am
This is tricky because you should be supportive but you also need to help lead him in the right direction. Make sure he knows your there for him and ask if he wants to talk about it but if he doesn't try to get his mind off it. Be careful though, you don't want him thinking you don't care.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 8:41pm
Be there to support him as much as you can. Love him show him effecting and that he's wanted and loved.
truelove92
July 5th, 2016 10:23am
I will take care of him a little more and support him the way he wants to by trying to understand his reason for getting depressed.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2016 1:18pm
Support him, show him that you're there for him, and encourage him to seek professional help if needed. Make sure he sees your smile. I'm pretty sure it'll mean a lot to him.
AerinL
July 6th, 2016 4:42pm
Always support him, and try to help him seek help. Many people struggle with admitting that they need help. So stay true to your vows and be his strength. Your relationship will flourish
QueenBeauty28
July 7th, 2016 7:17am
Depression can almost always be helped. The treatment approaches that have been shown to be most effective in reducing depression include cognitive restructuring, medication, improving interpersonal relationships, and activity scheduling.
ladycat946
July 8th, 2016 1:21pm
You can support him by simply listening to him and be there for him. You don't have to find all the answers to his problem, just be there and be patient ;) You can help him to find help like a doctor or a psychologist if he is very unhappy.
RobVL
July 8th, 2016 5:00pm
Depression is never easy to deal with. And in your case it hurts and stresses you out since you don't want to see them that way. This is important. It gives the sense that they are not alone. The easiest way I can see you helping him is to know when to ask him to talk about it, and when to give him a bit of space. You are married, so I think you know which option to chose when. Let him with subtle, or other, hints that you are there, but also that you understand that he might need some breathing room from time to time. If you can, talk it out and seek therapy where necessary. DIfferent people handle it in different ways.
PaleRose12
July 9th, 2016 5:47pm
Talk to him about what he is feeling try to express sympathy it would be helpful to talk to him about going to therapy with him.
BrandiListens
July 10th, 2016 6:45am
Number 1: Do not blame yourself! You are not the cause of his depression. If he states that something you are doing is a trigger for those feelings, then work together to make a logical compromise. Try and remember what causes positive days and do more of those things. On bad days, let him know you're there to listen or to just be. Give honest compliments when he says something negative about himself. Don't just say, no you're great, if you don't mean it.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 6:47am
When your husband is depressed, you talk to him into getting help or just be there for him when he needs you.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 8:07am
Offer support to him whenever he appears to be seriously struggling. Remind him how much of a pillar he is in your life and how important his role is to you. Tell him you understand how he feels and express your admiration for his qualities and abilities.
nrigaud
October 24th, 2016 7:32am
Try to comfort him. Whether it be by talking to him about his problems, or distracting him with a hobby, any form of comfort can help the situation. Or, if it's more of a chronic situation, try and give him a more permanent solution, such as medicine or a therapist.
GingerCatGirl
November 15th, 2016 7:37pm
It can be really frustrating and upsetting to see anyone you love suffering from depression. From my own experience I think the main thing is to try and be as supportive as possible, let him know you love him and care for him and in time, maybe with some extra help, things will improve. Things like encouraging him to do things that he used to find pleasurable could be helpful. And encouraging him to seek medical advice if it's not something he can overcome himself. It's also very important to care for yourself during this time as although you love him and care for him, it can be draining to care for somebody who is depressed. We have some helpful guides here on 7 cups, look at the 'path' dropdown in the top right hand corner. The self help guides are at the bottom of that drop down. Lastly, please remember that there will always be somebody on 7 cups who you can chat with if you are feeling alone or frustrated. Depression is absolutely horrible and can be very hard to deal with, but you and your husband are not alone.
Danonda17
December 26th, 2016 12:10am
It is important to maintain the base of your relationship by being there for him in this time of grief, he may be struggling due to work or family related issues. Events like these will pass but being there and working on the foundation will be something he will remember forever
Anonymous
December 27th, 2016 7:24am
Every person deals with depression in his/her own way. You got to see and understand how your husband deals with it. Let him cope but you be there to lift him up when he falls. You be there to check on him when he turns towards negative habits or patterns. You be there when he needs emotional support but without being overbearing. Overcoming depression is a long road but its not a road which you have to make your husband cross by pulling him by his hand. It is a road he and only he has to cross you just need to nudge him in the right direction every time you see him faltering. This is a heavy ask but when he pulls through there is going to be nothing stronger around you guys than your relationship!
friendlyIcicle64
January 16th, 2017 11:49pm
Try to understand why he is depressed and be there for him. You can suggest him getting help or you can try to talk to him about it to see if there is anything that you can do to help him out. Let him know that you will be there to stick by his side through thick and thin, reassure him that you will try to do anything in your power to help. Getting him to talk to you about it may be able to help you better understand the situation that he is in.
TaranWanderer
May 2nd, 2017 6:58pm
Best thing you can do is talk to him and see what he would like you to do to help. Try to be supportive and understanding of what he's going through, as he may act differently than what you'd expect and it may feel like he's pushing you away. Just being there for him and not getting frustrated when he's not getting better as 'fast' as you'd like can be a big help.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2017 11:54pm
Simply being available to listen to him and do activities with him can help a lot. Encouraging him to do things he enjoys, get exercise or visit his friends can also help improve his mental state.
LilGreenBird
October 30th, 2017 6:05pm
It will depend on what your husband needs, but listening without judging is very important. Accepting his feelings without blaming him is a good way to support him, on top of encouraging him to achieve things, no matter how little they are. Thank him for trying his best in spite of his depression. Lastly, taking care of yourself is equally important so that you can maintain your own well being and ability to support him when needed.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2017 9:37pm
You be there to support him in whatever ways you can. Get him the help he needs and just be there for him.
skilledhelper
November 7th, 2017 4:50pm
Try to get him out for a long (fast) walk or run. Any physical activity can be very helpful, as well as being outdoors, getting fresh air. As long as he moves depressive thoughts have less power over him.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2018 12:06am
If your husband is depressed you can talk him through it and have him share why you is depressed and if there is anything you can do to help him to feel supported as well as going with him to seek professional help if it is more than you can provide him.
RylieRae
May 7th, 2018 8:27pm
Be there for him. Encourage him to get motivated. Take him out for dinner. Most importantly... love him a lot.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2020 11:24am
Self Care is just as important as physical are. Perhaps even more important because it directly correlates with our mental health. Seeking support, speaking to something about the stress you face is important. Getting aid not only betters you but also helps your husband as well. Breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, or simply doing something that makes you feel at peace is what you need to focus on. Breathing can help you find a sense of calm. Speaking to professionals on you can best provide care for depression is essential so that you know are able to manage and help them as well.
LilacKalypso9
March 8th, 2021 11:19pm
It must be quite difficult for you to know a person you care about is struggling to cope with depression and, simultaneously, not know to support him at such moments. You've done the right thing to reach out here and ask about how you can be a supportive figure in his life. So I commend your willingness to help him, even though it may be quite challenging. It shows true compassion, effort, and love on your part when you're searching for answers. Bare in mind that, as a mental illness, depression can encompass various symptoms which can vary on one's personal experience and severity. What does apply to some people may not apply to your husband's circumstances—and vice versa, of course. Plus, for men, it tends to be harder for them to speak up and get help for struggles like this, due to societal standards which force them to "man up" and "not to show emotion". Thus, knowing that you, as his spouse, want to be of help indicates that you'd like to educate yourself on the topic. One of the most significant ways to raise awareness for mental health is by learning more. So well done for trying to do so through this website. On our platform, we offer Self-Help Guides for a variety of subjects. Such resources can be useful for Members to use for themselves or people they know to find some guidance for whatever their issue may be. In this case, the Depression guide can be accessed here: https://www.7cups.com/depression-help-online/ For other issues you'd like to address, you can look on the Self-Help Guides page to explore the other available links: https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php I truly hope it can provide you with some insight into ways of helping individuals with their mental wellbeing experiences. Although providing support for a loved one won't always be easy, it's imperative to know you're trying to make a difference to their life. Take good care of yourself and your husband; may you find what you seek.💜
patientWillow42
May 17th, 2021 3:10pm
Be there for him. Talk to him ad reassure him. Depression is more than just a mental state. A clinically depressed person will have issues with their brain chemistry which causes depression for them. It isn't always as easy as just getting over it. Everyone has their own process. We have to respect this. I Believe it was Churchill who found he was able to cope with his depression by identifying it as a separate entity, which he called the black dog. In any case, let your husband go through his process. These things take time. If it seems like he needs professional attention, make sure he gets it.