Why can't I be normal and happy like everyone else?

26 Answers
Last Updated: 08/13/2018 at 6:55pm
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Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Shikamaru42
December 30th, 2015 12:00am
Nobody is "normal". It's a tricky word because it's extremely subjective. As is "happy". People might seem to you like they're much happier than you are. The truth is, everybody has their problems to cope with. Some people just don't show that. Some would even like to share their problems but they don't know how. The thing is, if you have bad things in your life, you need to have good things too - otherwise you wouldn't be able to recognise the bad things as such. I.e. if you're sad, then you must have been happy before. Think about it; if you only ever ate your favourite dish, it wouldn't be your favourite dish anymore. Just the dish. So, reminisce over the good things in your life. If you're more aware of them then maybe you can better feel and show your happiness. It's a little bit different with being "normal". To put it shortly, being normal isn't really possible, which is good. Because it would suck. Our differences are what defines us, our unique experiences and the conclusions we draw from them. Nobody's normal, and nobody should have to be. Just like nobody can be completely happy. That's it...
LeapingLaughter
September 8th, 2015 7:50am
Nobody is normal and happy. We all think that others, elsewhere, have better lives than we do, but everyone suffers from the pains of disease, death of loved ones, and personal tragedy. You are *your* normal. You don't need to be anyone else's "normal".
Kaylei72
March 4th, 2015 3:52am
You can be. You have to look at it positively. I know it sounds cliche, but if you look at something negatively, it will turn out negative. I learned from a very smart man once.. He said something incredible.. Look at yourself trying to get over a hole. There is somebody on the other side that is reaching there hand out for you. You have to reach out also or you wont get over the hole. If you dont put your hand out for them to grab with their hand then you cannot overcome that obstacle. See the hole as a problem. When you arent happy. You need to look at it positively and put your hand out for somebody to come and grab on the other side to overcome it. Positivity is key.
Claire91
October 2nd, 2015 7:06am
I don't really think anyone is normal, perse. And while certain people may seem happy all the time, appearances can be deceiving. These people may have a great deal of unhappiness that they keep inside. I think it can be really hard to look at it this way because none of us are mind readers, and many times when one asks someone how they are doing, the 'expected' response is 'Fine', regardless of one's true feelings. I believe you can be happy, though. I think it will take time to change negative patterns of thinking and this is not an easy task to do (I've been working on it myself and it's certainly a process) but it's got to be doable. There seem to be so many people who have changed their lives positively and have become happier. I don't know your personal situation, but if the issue is also clinical depression, therapy and/or medication can certainly help improve your life dramatically. As for being normal, I would like to quote a character from a great musical, The Fantasticks - "Please, God, please - Don't let me be normal!" The point being, "normal" is overrated - I don't think any of us are really normal, and as long as not being normal isn't interfering with our happiness or anyone else's, I don't think it's a bad thing. But I hope that you can start feeling happier soon; you definitely deserve to:)
Kash
September 22nd, 2015 8:10am
You choose your own happiness and you create it yourself. It is not dependent on anyone else other than yourself. It's all a perspective in your head about yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, dear.
freshLove97
June 13th, 2016 1:42pm
Perhaps you suffer from a mental disorder, like depression. The best way to help yourself if you're in a dark place, is to see a professional (psychologist or psychiatrist).
Zora17
April 3rd, 2015 5:31pm
Firstly, not everyone else is normal and happy. Everybody has issues that they are working on, things they wish were better, and areas to improve. Most people keep their issues private, so it is really hard to know how normal and happy someone is. Also, what is normal and happy? Those descriptions mean different things to different people. Peoples' opinions of normal changes all the time, everyone has their own standard and expectation of what's normal to them. Likewise, happiness means different things to different people. Therefore, avoid comparing yourself to others and work on controlling what you can, figuring out how to improve problem areas in your life and get the things you want that make you happy and healthy.
compassionateMonkey38
June 29th, 2015 11:23pm
In my personal experience instead of asking why cant I be normal and happy like everyone else I fins myself thinking what is normal in this world? Normal is only the majority. I also go by another saying. Why try so hard to fit in when you ate born to stand out.
chrisilling
April 19th, 2015 11:57am
You can be normal and happy, there may just be things in the way of that happiness at the moment, you can get through them! It might seem impossible at the moment but over time everything will be okay, don't stress we are always here to talk to about anything you feel like talking about!
HopeUnbroken
May 8th, 2015 6:03pm
First off, most people aren't as normal and happy as you may think. Many people in your life are probably sad and struggling and just hide it enough that you can't see it. Secondly, don't give up hope! You can be happy, even though at times it seems it is impossible. I can't tell you exactly why it seems that some people have a harder time finding happiness then others, but I can tell you that it is possible for everyone to find it. One observation I have made is that most people who try to do things alone, for any reason, are less likely to be happy. Now I realize that having friends will not guarantee you happiness and sometimes it seems safer to be alone. But I believe that if you keep trying (even slowly and cautiously), you will find someone to help you find that happiness and a state better then normality!
jakfullofwandering
June 10th, 2015 4:14pm
Because no one is normal as much as we want to believe other people are normal no one really is. And sometimes we can't be happy because we are so focused on our negative emotions it creates a negative fog around us that blocks us from seeing anything else.
Iauren
April 19th, 2016 3:03pm
You are you. You are not everyone else, but you can find a way to find things that make you happy and keep them close.
quietLake6290
August 1st, 2016 2:41am
No one is the same, and we shouldn't compare ourselfs to anyone. We all have different sorries behind, and we all define 'normal' differently. When you say, I wish I was normal like him, he wishes he was normal like you.
UntilThen
July 17th, 2017 6:44am
You don't need to be normal and happy like everybody else. No one is like everybody else. You may have some struggles that are people around you don't understand but that is okay. You don't need to fit in to be accepted.
goldenLight64
March 3rd, 2015 10:53am
Normal is a frame of mind and means something different to everyone. What you see on the outside of a person may not be the whole story. Don't assume that because someone is smiling that everything is "normal". You are as normal as the rest. Some days you feel better than others, but that's normal too.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 2:30am
Happy isn't normal. So many people who appear happy are struggling, just like you. Happiness is something that's found in so many different ways, but it's not found by wishing to be normal.
AbstractAbby
July 6th, 2015 3:03am
I've asked myself this a lot before. But what I've come to realize is that there is no normal and happy. Everyone deals with struggles, many of which we never see. "Normal" is really hard to see.
Kitka
November 3rd, 2015 5:01am
All those smiling faces you see can be going through difficult situations too, they just aren't all visible at surface level.
friendlyMelody38
November 23rd, 2015 10:23pm
You are normal and you may not be happy right now but you will be happy eventually it's happens 2 me
Keggruel8186
June 6th, 2016 11:47pm
Because not everyone is normal or happy, you have to be you and accept that you can't be like everyone else. Mostly because no person is exactly the same as another person.
SweetStrawberry1021
September 27th, 2016 3:48am
it is possible to feel happy again and you can do it. as the others have said you really don't know how well other people may be hiding their own fear, anger, hurt, depression. Just as no one knows how you really feel but you. You are not alone and you will get better with some help. Keep talking to whoever prescribed you the medication and make them understand that you are not feeling the way you should. Also, don't depend solely on the medication. Watch your sugar and caffeine and make sure you have a safe place to vent your feelings!
GirlInBlack3
September 27th, 2016 8:29pm
Happiness is sort of a choice you have to make for yourself. No one can answer that but you. It helps if you do away with negativity that can affect you and try to focus on the positive things before you, no matter how little they are. And as for the normal part? To me, it only exists in our head. There is no such thing because there are billions of personalities in the world and what you see as normal is not the same as what others see it as. Best to understand that you are different and love yourself that way. Then, you can be happy.
gentleDreamer76
December 12th, 2016 3:35am
Determine what makes you happy! Other peoples happiness may not be what you really expect it to be like. Just remember that you are on the outside looking in. Everyone isn't perfect. We all go through tough times just as much as the next person whether it be big or small!
sereneArrow91
April 18th, 2017 10:40am
The feeling of being normal and happy is all in the mind. If you think that you're happy, you automatically become happy. It's all in the state of mind. So a person can choose to be happy if he/she wants to be happy.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2018 9:22pm
You can who says that. Just believe in yourself and your capabilities. Remember everything draws life from the mind.
gracefulHeart76
August 13th, 2018 6:55pm
No one is happy all the time. Most people only showcase the happy times, leaving out other normal emotional ups and downs. You are more normal than you may think.