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Why can't I find the right woman?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2020 at 6:12pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Stacey Kiger, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My belief is that therapy is not about giving advice, but joining you on your journey

Top Rated Answers
June 8th, 2015 7:59pm
Love is all about trial and error, unfortunately, and love is just the same. I find when you spend your whole life searching for the right person, you're forcing yourself to be with the wrong people. When you let things go with the flow, the right people find you when you least expect it.
September 6th, 2016 12:16pm
I asked myself the same question too, only in regard to men. I realised then that I was not the kind of person I would have wanted to be with at the time. Then it made sense to me, how can I expect someone to love me if I don't love myself. So I started to change myself for the better, until I finally reached the point where I would look into the mirror and say: Yes I could date that. From there it was a confidence question... yet since I was pretty alright with who I was that was not too much of an issue. Once you are who you love to be thats when the saying "just be yourself" works. Because then there is nothing about you that you would be embarrassed over, or try to hide, you can then be fully you. And be proud of it. Thats when you start to shine and attract people. Learn to love yourself before you expect others to love you. Thats all I can say to this matter... whether its the right woman or not in the end you will see. But one is always true: You Reap what you Sow. Hope that helps, I wish you all the best on your way to being who you love to be xx
July 23rd, 2015 11:09pm
Love does find you in the oddest places at times, be patient hun the right woman will come. Fate will prevail. You need to be patient and just make sure you read the signs along the way. Don't ever think you missed your chance in any way. What's meant to be, will be. There's a old saying: Que sera, sera - whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see - this fits in well here :) I wish you luck with everything :)
April 28th, 2015 11:09pm
Maybe you are looking the wrong places. You will find the right person one day just don't give up. Keep looking.
April 7th, 2015 4:20pm
There is the right woman for you! you just haven't met her yet; what is meant to be, will be , keep looking and be yourself :)
December 28th, 2015 4:47am
Because the right one exists only in your own head. People fail and it's part of being human. Who didnt fail in meeting someone else's expectations? I did, you did, everybody does fail. So the 'right' woman is the one that is worth trying to be together.
January 25th, 2016 6:23pm
Finding the right woman means finding yourself first. The right woman will love who you are. If you are still single, then you are single only because there is someone better for you.
February 23rd, 2015 9:29pm
Many people can't find the right partner because they're too wrapped up in the wrong one. Or, when dating, they're coming off as being too intense, needy, or are being too negative. So to daters leave your exes and old relationships where they belong... in the past! When talking to someone you're interested in keep it light hearted, don't throw all your baggage out there as soon as you meet the new person, don't talk about how lonely you've been or how sad you are about it and keep your attitude on the bright side of life. Lastly, the biggest thing to avoid is settling! It doesn't matter how unattractive you think you are or how you're not where you want to be in life, don't let anyone treat you with anything less than love and respect. Always look for red flags. If he/she seems angry a lot, yells at people often, puts you or other people down, complains all the time, refuses to work or go to school, doesn't call or text you unless you call/text first, flirts with others, or just doesn't seem that into you RUN!
July 14th, 2015 2:37am
Maybe some people just have to put effort into themselves and be the 'right man'. Once they do that, they'll find that they'd attract like-minded people, and in the process, attract the right mate.
February 15th, 2016 5:19pm
1)You may have an unhealthy idea of who the right person is or have no idea at all. If that's the case then you could try to make a list of qualities of how the right woman would be. (You could read about this in a website called Thought Catalog) 2)Maybe you havent entirely gotten over an ex yet, if that's the case then you could brainstorm what qualities of your exes your ideal partner would have along with reminding yourself why your exes broke up with you. What would your healthy, ideal person do that your exes haven't? 3) Maybe you're not ready to find her yet, I know this one is a bit controversial since I used to think real love is caring for someone when it's hard to but that leads to codependence if a relationship is just based on only that. If you work on yourself personality wise, then you will be more attractive for her. Examples would be to try to be kinder(compliment five people a day, help three people a day, little things, etc.), be more independent so when you have a relationship then it'll be more interdependent than codependent(you could read about interdependency versus codependency on lots of sites), you could try to be happier overall(There's a channel on YouTube called Actualized that helped me a lot with this), you could try to be more confident(There are Ted talks videos on YouTube that help with confidence boosting), and also you could try to think about what you can do for this ideal woman more than what she could do for you(Like, how would you improve her life? How would you show her that you have a Win-win attitude? You should look up the term.) 4) Maybe you have issues with physical appearance. You could try to improve hygiene, meditate more so you seem less anxious, and eat healthier(become a vegetarian if you want to)... Start slowly and over time, you could improve your diet or even start to excersize. 5) You could try to be more social, tell friends about how you're looking for love and they'd likely try to help. There's lots of social media apps you could find your ideal girl on. Just talking to more people will increase the chances of you finding your ideal person. I left this one for last assuming that you would have tried it already.
August 18th, 2015 2:41pm
Because i must be the right person for myself first and the right will find me. What good am i finding bad in other people when i cannot advance myself
February 29th, 2016 7:49pm
You might confuse "right" with "perfect" . The perfect one has no flaw and no existence as well on the other hand the right one is the one whom flaws you can look past to admire them and accept them the way they are and with whom it's mutual
May 24th, 2016 8:54am
maybe you have to wait for the right one to find you, cause sometimes its not about finding them its about waiting for the right one.
July 2nd, 2019 9:46am
Now this might seem an odd answer, but I'll write it anyway. You are trying too hard. Not that it is a bad thing, or your expectations are too high. It's just that love is a wonderful thing, but its unpredictable. It doesn't happen overnight, the right person does not magically appear. But the process of searching becomes much more difficult if you look at it as a mission. The problem with doing that is you feel like a failure when you don't find the person. One of the better things about love is that you will find it in the strangest and most unexpected places. I found mine in the most unexpected place I thought. So don't give up, try, and then try some more. Like Ted Mosby from How I met your Mother (watch it if you haven't). But don't try too hard. Date women, don't invest yourself completely into it, so that you don't come out drained if things go sideways. Start of casually, and see how it goes. Don't start wondering from the first day itself whether some person is the right one. Women are wonderful, enjoy their company. The right person will come along. Never give up on love.
June 14th, 2016 3:00am
Only half of a relationship is finding the right person; the other half is being the right person. If you're having trouble finding a partner, try focusing more on being the person you'd like to be.
September 5th, 2016 9:09pm
Are your standards too high? Do you put yourself out there? Have you tried online dating? A matchmaking service?
October 4th, 2016 6:50pm
We all tend to ask why we can't find the answers right one what if the right one hasn't found you yet? Focus on you being the best person to yourself and the right one will find you
March 21st, 2016 10:31am
Maybe its because you're looking for the right things in the woman, and not the right woman! Think over it
May 8th, 2017 3:59pm
Maybe you arent searching for love in the right places. Maybe you should try expanding your social group or just try meeting new people. You never know who might be out there
May 8th, 2017 11:17pm
Sometimes, they just don't exist. Don't get me wrong here. What I mean is, we come up with the ideas of a person who simply does not exist. And we project those ideologies on the people we find attractive only to become disappointed. I'm not saying to "settle" for that or for anyone. You have the right to choose the love you want and the love you feel you deserve. But we need to realize and understand that no one is perfect. Someone who seems perfect at the time will soon reveal their flaws, and someone who seems flawed will reveal the patches they've used to cover things up and make things better. At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. Who do you feel you deserve? Do you deserve better? Does this future partner deserve you? Do they deserve more? Ask yourself these questions before you ask yourself about finding the right person.
May 22nd, 2017 8:25am
Maybe, and I mean this in the best way possible, you could have too many standards. Or you expect too much. Or possibly it's just not the right time yet for you to meet her.
July 16th, 2018 5:25am
When you find your true self, you will find the right person. It takes time and patience. And lots of faith.
July 16th, 2018 5:27am
You just haven’t met her yet, that doesn’t mean you won’t, you will some day. Keep on keeping on and it will happen!
November 24th, 2020 6:12pm
As the famous saying goes, ‘They are plenty more fish in the sea!’ It takes time and patience to find the right person for you, but don’t be discouraged! Every relationship you experience makes you who you are and shapes you for the arrival of that special person into your life. There are countless people in this world who love and respect you for who you are. One day you will find someone who makes you incredibly happy and the wait will be 100% worth it. Hang in there and keep being the best version of you until you get there!