Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

370 Answers
Last Updated: 11/10/2020 at 12:52pm
Why do depressed people push loved ones away?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
October 7th, 2016 3:16pm
Depression stems from a variety of things. In my experience, my depression derived from always being alone or feeling neglected by those I graved attention from. I was one man standing alone. Being in the house with no siblings or nobody to call that truly understands what I'm going through drove me to insanity. Sometimes I don't even feel like talking, because you feel they don't care.When you're alone that's when, the mind has a way of turning you against your own self. If you're constantly alone, that's when your mind and the devil himself, plays tricks on you. Talking to people, especially the ones that are the closest to you seems like the hardest thing to do. Even iuf you know your hurting them, you care but there is something , for me it was negative energy that stopped me from simply just talking and having a good convo. Having real fun and finding real happiness seems impossible, especially because you don't try sometimes. You dwell mostly in sadness and loneliness because that's all you know. Feeling unworthy is another problem. It also makes you paranoid, you become confused, your overthinking sometimes feel true, and it changes your view on certain things you see and hear .Depression is no joke, whatever your faith is seek God, build yourself , talk to someone and never give up on finding and completing who you are. Don't allow this to destroy any relationships, especially with the ones that truly loves you, because when they get tired of the things you do and finally turn their back, you will feel the harshest blow.
July 4th, 2016 5:05pm
Being someone who has experienced depression myself, we tend to push people away because our depression makes us feel like a burden, so it's not so much us pushing people away because deep down we want you there, we don't want to be alone, but it's more that we pull away from our loved ones because we don't want them to worry about us, we don't want them to have to deal with the weight of depression on top of their already busy lives. In the end it isn't logical in any way but that's how we feel.
February 4th, 2016 10:42am
Because they feel they don't deserve their love, they even hate themselves, and they feel that no one could help them. The feeling of despair is so deep, they can't feel the love of others anymore, they are so lonely.
December 7th, 2017 12:38am
Hi my fiance of 12 years is suffering anxiety and severe depression. He has up amd left me and our 2 kids and says he wint be back 😢 he is in a new relationship already within 2 weeks after leaving! He was on medication and now he isnt and wont seek help. Why is he refusing anything i try and suggest to him am so confused
January 4th, 2015 3:53am
It's not particularly that they mean to push people away it's more that they are going through a lot in they're lives and they may not particularly know how to speak to someone or they might not know how to explain how they are feeling to the people they care about.
November 5th, 2015 6:08am
Because when you are depressed you are hurt inside and when you hurt you tend to hurt the ones around you and most of the time the people you spend the most time with like your love ones will be the ones that you hurt the most.
February 12th, 2016 4:39am
Depressed people are trying to organize their own thoughts and that they don't want their loved ones to get involved with their problems. (that is one reason). It could also mean that the individual is trying to distant themselves away from others so that they don't have to deal with the interaction with others while they are dealing with such issues.
February 11th, 2016 11:56am
There have been times in my life when trauma from my past has seemed to be more bothersome than other times. Sometimes I will go for months without ever consciously thinking about my trauma. But at these times when I am more aware of the past pain, I can sometimes feel shame. Shame will often move a person to silence, for fear of being judged. Of course in that silence we can become very vulnerable to depression. Shame breeds fear, fear (of judgment) leads to silence, silence can drag us into hopelessness. BUT,... a single brave word, shared with a trusted listener can reboot our perspective. Just reach out, speak out, come out of the dark lies of shame.
April 1st, 2016 4:27pm
Basically, they're scared. They don't dare to show it out to others about how they really feel. I myself was depressed. I pushed them away because I knew that nobody liked negativity, and it's always this negativity that is the origin of all the problems that comes with it. We're scared of showing others the true and raw self, the side that we have kept for who knew how long. If we don't push them away, we feel exposed. And a lot of times, the loved ones just can't understand what we are thinking, giving (let's just be honest) useless innocent advises, wishing that we'd just suddenly go back to being happy. A lot of times, they just don't understand how depression really is like. Many thinks that it can just go away suddenly like having a cold. And it often frustrates them when they realize that they're of no help for you as you're fighting against such a tough war. For us depressed people, we will then feel bad that we're passing this negativity to others, "destroying" the innocence and purity. It makes us feel bad that we're the ones being different. Looking at others who are able to just love so easily, it makes us feel that we're different, more like weird. We see a border separating us and the loved ones, where we both live very different lives, think very different things, and has very different personalities. We push loved ones away, because we don't want to see any of these happening. We're just trying to prevent anything worse to happen, although sometimes, by doing this, we're just making it worse.
February 11th, 2016 5:00pm
I think that someone who is depressed pushes people away because they are not stable enough to be able to handle themselves, let alone another person.
April 12th, 2015 11:14pm
It's often a defense mechanism because the mind of a depressed person they do it to protect themselves from being hurt by others. Having depression already makes one feel low enough as-is, and to prevent external factors from being an additional cause, pushing people away is a way to cope.
September 17th, 2015 2:07pm
depressed people push loved ones away because they are afraid of getting too close and keep losing the ones they care about and going through the pain
December 16th, 2015 5:40pm
I think they do because of different reasons. Sometimes they dont want to hurt the people they love... dont want to scare them away. Or they dont want to be left so they leave to make it easier for both sides.. even though the 'loved one' wants to stay with that person no matter if they are depressed or not.
September 13th, 2015 9:11pm
Depressed people often feel as though they aren't understood. They push people out of their lives, even their loved ones, because they don't feel as though these people care or understand what they're going through, so they isolate themselves.
January 30th, 2016 1:57am
Depressed people have a tendency to feel a deep guilt for not being the person they think their family needs them to be. They don't feel like they deserve to be loved.
February 7th, 2016 3:52am
Depression is a very isolating illness. The person will feel like they don't want to talk to anyone and withdrawn. They will also feel like they don't want to bug others or depress them. They may feel like a pest or guilty for feeling bad. Oftentimes, depression takes a toll on self-care too, which can make a depressed person even more self-conscious when trying to talk to people. Depression also saps a person's energy and concentration ability, making it difficult to make an effort in conversation and be able to focus on the person. Depression can also cause a person to feel apathetic and like they can't enjoy things like before, like conversations. There's an element of shame too. All of these can cause depressed people to push people away, even loved ones. But, don't be fooled by their pushing away behavior, depressed people need the most support from others in order to get better. Otherwise, they may turn to addictions or become self-harming.
April 4th, 2016 6:08am
Simply because depressed people have been hurt multiple times. They've gotten to close to people and then they rely on them and tragically, that person makes them feel worthless. Depressed people want to be safe and loved truly. But they've been hurt for so long, they don't know how to love anymore.
October 29th, 2015 4:37am
Depressed people push loved ones away because they feel as if their not good enough for anyone around them.
December 12th, 2015 2:19pm
They don't mean too. Sometimes the feelings of worthlessness, guilt and hopelessness (among some), are what makes people push loved ones away. The thoughts of "im a downer", "they must hate hanging out with a downer", or more severe "no one loves me or cares, I want to just...", among the "Im not worth it" and "I feel so guilty I cant get out of...". Depressed people need loved ones more than ever when they start pushing you away. They need people to be there with them to just listen. No advice or well meaning platitudes. Maybe a little bit of guidance to seek more help if necessary.
February 10th, 2016 10:49pm
In my personal experiences, depression made me feel a tremendous sense/desire of isolation. I didn't want anyone else to see my pain or worry about me because I didn't feel I was worthy of help. It probably varies from person to person, but that's how I would explain it.
May 7th, 2015 10:23pm
Everything seems pointless. They don't feel that they are capable of your love. They may not want to burden you with the depression that they are going through so they push you away.
November 24th, 2014 11:55pm
Its hard to bee depressed. You can feel like you are bringing down the ones you love and that makes you want to push them away. Just be there for the person, even if they dont want to talk about it, support is a great help in healing.
April 3rd, 2016 6:40am
There are a lot of reasons. Lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of hope... People with depression sometimes don't want help or feel like they can't be helped. They feel like it's easier to keep people at a distance so that they can't disappoint you. Depression is really an internal struggle and it can be really hard to let people see that part of your life, even the people that you care about the most.
March 21st, 2017 3:26am
Every depressed person is diffterent, as they are still individuals. To share my own experiences refractory depression and multiple co-morbidities and metabolic issues let me state the following: As some have mentioned I have pushed people away because I did not feel worth their time. I believed I would be a burden to them. At other times, I have felt completely worthless and yet desperately wanted someone to break down my barriers and show me I really have value. So I pushed everyone away, hoping someone would push back. I also suffer from PTSD and Agoraphobia type II (congenital structural not learned) along with anxiety attacks. I am an introvert so sometimes I pushed people away because I could not bear being around people. This was especially true when the people represented groups or authority figures that might demand I step back into public light. Going back to the 2nd reason, I also at times wanted someone strong enough to let me rest in their protection, so they needed to be stronger than me, again so I pushyed people away. There you have 4 different examples of how I pushed people away, can I say your boyfriend is thinking along any of those lines? No. But you can also ask yourself this: If I fight to sdtsnd beside him, and he rejects me, is it any worse than if I leave when he forces everyone else away for me?
July 25th, 2015 2:18am
Depressed people don't want to hurt others, so they try to push away others before they get too close.
January 13th, 2016 12:36pm
Seeming as I know the feeling of being depressed and what you go through, I believe that the reason people who suffer from depression push people away is because they feel like everyone around them hurts them in a way, and they feel as if nobody cares for them. So instead of letting themselves be hurt or heartbroken, they believe that it would be better to push loved ones away so that they cannot hurt them.
March 30th, 2016 12:20am
It might be different for everyone, but sometimes it's easier to be alone. Sometimes it's easier not to face the people you know care about you and know that you're making them sad by being how you are, because you can't help it or don't want to help it and you don't want to look at them and be reminded. It hurts.
December 7th, 2014 12:02am
When someone is depressed they like to isolate and back away from loved ones for many reasons i find that they don't have the energy, or that they dont want someone to notice because its a comfort zone and they can't be pushed away from that.
July 17th, 2018 2:38am
Depressed people in most cases don't quite know their actions since they are blinded by their depressive state but supporting them and showing them love in a long term manner would make them realise at some day at the right time
April 3rd, 2015 7:20pm
Because they feel they don't deserve to be helped. In this situations it is important that their loved ones are there for them and not to leave their side. It could really help them to realize they do have someone that cares about them and it could make them feel better.