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Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

370 Answers
Last Updated: 11/10/2020 at 12:52pm
Why do depressed people push loved ones away?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
gracefulHeart44
March 30th, 2016 4:02pm
Some people tend to isolate themselves when they are feeling depressed.
Saltedbythesea
June 5th, 2016 1:05am
Because they feel like a burden. Also.well-meaning loved ones sometimes make it harder because they don't truly understand what the depressed person ins experiencing. Just stick by the person, let them know you're there - and then let them be.
Anonymous
September 21st, 2015 5:05pm
They are too caught up in their problems to notice anything else to be honest. Good luck! Hope all works out well!
EbFlatte
February 3rd, 2016 4:55pm
Because we love them and we don't want them to know we are depressed. We think that they'll see us differently or become depressed themselves if they find out our dark little secret. We are embarrassed and feel that we can't do anything right because we can't even make a real smile. That's why I do it, anyways.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2016 5:15pm
Because of distorted thinking that no one can or wants to help or understand. Also because of lack of energy.
Lovetohelpu
March 26th, 2016 7:32pm
Because they don't want others to get affected by them. Also, they don't want to get hurt by thr loved ones.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2016 3:59am
We push people away because they don't know what its like, and they assume and don't understand Anything
fanglife123
April 1st, 2016 2:58pm
They feel that their family can not help them and that there is no need in family. They are sad and dont want to be bothered really.
ImaginaryPainting
November 1st, 2016 1:40pm
They do that because they feel like the loved ones won't understand them- the way they feel etc- and also for not hurting them while they experience anger, bad moods or so. Some depressed people may need time for themselves/to be alone, so they might isolate even from the loved ones.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2016 11:07pm
Depressed people often push people away in fear of being hurt or hurting them. Another reason could be that they feel like they are a burden to their loved ones(I can confirm this since i am diagnosed with depression). So if a loved one feels like they burden you, then take the time to reassure them and say you really love them.
marvelousMermaid87
February 28th, 2017 2:17pm
It can be very difficult to experience such strong feelings of sadness. It can present itself as a physical pain or absolute numbness, that can make you too exhausted to speak or interact. People can also feel as though they are a burden to loved ones, and push them away so they don't hurt them.
Itisbailey
April 17th, 2018 12:26am
From what I've known, a lot of people that are depressed push others away. This is because they don't want them to feel the pain that the individual is feeling. Somebody once told me that if you do not transform your pain, you will transfer it. By pushing others away you are transferring your pain to them though, even though you might be feeling that you were keeping them from your pain. Your loved ones are there for you and should be a positive part of your depression and moving forward.
YourFutureBestFriend
October 22nd, 2015 2:58pm
It's just their feelings that make them want to be shut out and alone. Just let them be sad for a while, but when they're done, they'll probably go back to you! :)
Anonymous
November 1st, 2015 8:10pm
They feel like people just don't understand them. They think they are alone so they don't think people love them or that anyone is there for them.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2015 4:44pm
You believe everyone else thinks you are as worthless as you feel for yourself so best thing is to push them away before they can hurt you.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2015 3:10am
This is because they think they don't deserve being loved when in depression hence push them away again and again.
GoodVibes8
November 19th, 2015 12:32am
As someone with depression, I can say I've done this. The reason, for me at least, is that it takes a lot of effort to maintain/start a conversation sometimes. Depression causes fatigue in a lot of cases, so many activities (including being around loved ones) can be exhausting for us. I've found that conversations with loved ones about my depression are the hardest, so that could be a reason too. Everybody's different, but those are just some ideas.
becauseimhere
December 19th, 2015 5:48pm
This is a good question and I think that it's important that a lot of people understand the answer to this. From my personal experience, when I am in a bad depressive episode I really don't want people to talk to me. Don't take it personally! It could simply be the way people cope with it and they don't want you to feel like you have to put up with them like that. When I am depressed I feel like a burden to every single person who tries to help me, and this results in me pushing people away. That is one of the worst things I could do but at the time it feels right. I think it's important for you not to take it seriously as it's probably something as simple as them wanting to be alone to cope with their thoughts.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2016 1:37pm
Depressions is a dark place where few things make sense. There are voices in your head telling you things you know aren't true but they don't stop. Caring becomes too difficult. You're expected to explain things to the people that are about you and explaining something you don't understand is harder than pushing people away. There is also the fear that these people might judge you and brush away your concerns and that, in itself, is scarier than any other thought.
beautifulFreedom39
January 8th, 2016 7:10am
When it's hard to find self-worth, and we feel down, being alone can be seen as a comfort. Depression also takes away our motivation. Even if someone with depression would like to go out and see someone, it becomes difficult and seen as a chore.
DemetriaJade
January 10th, 2016 12:21am
We might feel as though this is a one person battle, and do not want to put any of it onto loved ones.
struglingtosurvive
January 17th, 2016 7:49am
Its just my opinion but I think one reason could be because we know how much depression hurts and we don't want our loved ones to get hurt as well. We sometimes think its better for them to live without us or that sometimes we think we are going to not be here because of bad choices so we push them away so they can live without us. Its how I feel but of course others will feel differently.
Anonymous
February 5th, 2016 9:14pm
In my experience it's been because they didn't want to hurt their loved one, and wanted to be a better person for them. When a person doesn't communicate their problems it has an effect on everyone around them, all you can do is let them know that you are there for them. That's what I did.
nagars1995
March 20th, 2016 3:40pm
There can be several reasons! In my case, it felt that the depression was trying to cut me off from my support structure ,i.e family and friends. It manifested itself in a feeling of me not being worth their time or trouble.
Aquagies
June 4th, 2016 11:24pm
Depression is a serious disease which no one should take lightly.when you are in that state you feel a sense of loneliness and unloved .you feel people don't get you even your loved ones it's not deliberate but such kind of people deserve full support and need to be treated effectively.
Zebrasarcastic
June 10th, 2016 1:08pm
While in depression the person always feels negative and down and that person doesn't want their loved ones to feel their negativity they don't think that they can be helped and that he or she would only bring others down
wilglory
November 26th, 2017 3:58pm
Because depressed people know that saying they are depressed or they don’t feel good only make things worst. Most of the people around would say its just on the mind, find a hobby, its just your imagination, etc. And it hurts the most hearing those from your loved ones as if you invented an imaginary disorder like it doesn’t exist. That’s why people with depression push their loved ones, because they’re hurting. And don’t want to hurt them by proving their point so its better to leave.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2019 2:19pm
Depressed people often lose hope in everything. They give up on everything, including relationships. They feel like they’ve tried so hard to keep going that they eventually stop trying. They don’t want to make any effort in a relationship. They lose the meaning of their life and everyone in it. They like to be left alone, isolated, because they don’t possess the energy to deal with anyone. They stop caring and retreat into a shell. They feel like a burden on everyone. They can’t feel happy and they find it taxing to have to fake a smile or laugh all the time. So they prefer being quiet.
needpeace84
September 12th, 2015 6:08pm
Because it is hard to accept that overwhelming love and caring that you get from them, knowing that you are not giving back only frustration.
Anonymous
September 25th, 2015 5:31am
One of the things depression does is make the person apathetic. This makes them push away people they love or people who love them