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Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

370 Answers
Last Updated: 11/10/2020 at 12:52pm
Why do depressed people push loved ones away?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
August 12th, 2019 2:19pm
Depressed people often lose hope in everything. They give up on everything, including relationships. They feel like they’ve tried so hard to keep going that they eventually stop trying. They don’t want to make any effort in a relationship. They lose the meaning of their life and everyone in it. They like to be left alone, isolated, because they don’t possess the energy to deal with anyone. They stop caring and retreat into a shell. They feel like a burden on everyone. They can’t feel happy and they find it taxing to have to fake a smile or laugh all the time. So they prefer being quiet.
September 12th, 2015 6:08pm
Because it is hard to accept that overwhelming love and caring that you get from them, knowing that you are not giving back only frustration.
September 30th, 2015 11:34am
because, he/she won't his/her beloved get hurt. He/She try to protect her/his beloved, even she/he need a help to heal from his/her depressed
October 28th, 2015 12:31am
They push people away because they are on a self destruct mode and would rather know they pushed the person away then the person leaving them
December 12th, 2015 12:53am
When someone is depressed they are struggling a lot . They will often feel extremely low or sad and unmotivated . They also tend to want more time alone. . This makes it very hard to keep on top of relationships with loved ones . They may either just feel feel too down to be capable of keeping a healthy relationship or they may also push people away to stop these loved ones seing this depression and pain or because they are afraid they will hurt their loved ones in some way or another . Often though , they push people away gradualy and almost subconsciously , without realising they're doing it until It's too late .
December 13th, 2015 8:08pm
Sometimes they feel that if people really do love them, they won't be pushy or overbearing, but they won't disappear either. They'll stick around and just be there. When depressed people push others away, they're weeding out their fake friends.
December 19th, 2015 7:10am
being depressed makes your mind think of negative things and kinda makes it paranoid, so anytime someone tries to comfort you or be there for you, your mind tricks you into thinking that they actually don't care and that it is possible that they are doing this to hurt you. it's really hard to trust someone when you have depression, they still need support and warmth, and a shoulder to rely on
January 7th, 2016 6:28pm
Depression goes beyond a simple mood or feeling. An individual suffering of major depression does not think objectively anymore, and is ruled by negative thoughts. I suffer of Major Depression myself and sometimes i feel like apologizing to the trees for the waste of oxygen my existence brings. Do I have a reason i think so? Not a legit one for anyone else but me. For short, I see myself beyond just valueless. I am a liability and a burden. So how dare i be such a thing to the ones who love me? Someone suffering of depression will begin to think that pushing the ones they love away, is doing them a favour because who would want to be around someone depressed? At least its the pattern we depressed people seem to adopt. It is hard to be told otherwise, but the best thing you can do is to not let them go no matter how hard we struggle. Because we need to eventually be reminded of our own value.
January 10th, 2016 10:48am
Its pretty easy. There is simply nothing worse then knowing someone loves you and cares about you when you hate nothing more than yourself. The only thing you know that you are worthless an bad... if sombody acts different to that 'fact' you mind is telling you, it makes you feel terrible because it feels like they are pretending shit or everything you think and know is just wrong
January 21st, 2016 6:49am
Personally, I feel that at times they don't want my company. I feel disconnected and alienated even if they love me or care for me so I push them away. Other times I feel like they don't love me, that it's all an act. Thus, in order to understand and connect with a person with depression, it's important to establish that you indeed care about them and be there for them and not push too hard.
January 21st, 2016 8:06am
THey push them away because they feel worthless and hopless like they are not good enough to be around them or interact with them.
January 22nd, 2016 5:30pm
they might need time to figure out and assess their situation/life. they also might feel as if they can't trust anyone. this is why talking to them is very important.
January 23rd, 2016 4:28pm
They're scared. They are afraid that people will hurt them, so they push them away before they get hurt
January 27th, 2016 5:08pm
Sometimes people with depression feel like they're bringing the people around them down too. Or sometimes they don't want to talk to anyone because they're afraid their loved ones will notice the change in them and they're not ready to talk about it. Other times the condition itself drives sufferers into isolation when they don't have the motivation to go out. In my experience it's predominantly that people have to put on a brave face around loved ones and they just can't pretend everything's alright anymore.
January 27th, 2016 9:10pm
im so sorry to quote the perks of being a wallflower but " we accept the love we think we deserve", that or they dont feel like being around people and are irritable
January 31st, 2016 11:52am
I believe that depression can dramatically lower our self esteem and confidence. As a result it can make someone feel worthless and a burden to those around them. In these moment its always good to flip the situation...if someone you loved was hurting would you consider them a burden?
February 3rd, 2016 1:29am
when someone is depressed falling into a slump happens and you feel the need to push everyone away because either you just don't care or don't want the ones you care for to see you like that.
March 10th, 2016 3:26am
A depressed person focuses inward, into themselves. Everyone and everything outside becomes simply irrelevant. Paying attention to the outside world and the people in it requires a lot of effort and occures as a painful hassle.
March 19th, 2016 5:45am
For some, at a certain point, its almost like an addiction. There is an odd distorted view that the pain from the depression is comfortable and safe, in the idea you know what to expect and it isn't a rollercoaster of high's and lows' . . its just one straight low. . .
June 10th, 2016 4:54pm
I think they do it because they are too scared of their dear one's reaction , or feel that they might be a burden to them I know some people who prefer getting help from a total stranger than from the one they love
June 15th, 2020 8:54pm
Depression can cause people to feel unworthy of love and like a burden to everyone in their lives. There is also so much guilt involved because it’s easy to feel like people need you to feel okay, and it’s so easy to feel guilty for not being okay and not wanting to let anyone know. In my own experience, when I felt like a burden to those I loved or guilty because people who loved me were sad that I was sad, I pushed them away because I wanted better for them than for them to feel that way because of me. Thankfully, some of those people were persistent and stuck by me even when I tried to push them away. I know it must’ve been hard for them, but I’m so thankful they did it.
November 25th, 2014 12:20am
They probably think that you're not helping or cannot help. They may realize that it hurts the person trying to help, but if a person is depressed and their friends really cannot help, they need to look elsewhere and worry about themselves first and foremost.
April 10th, 2015 9:29am
People who are depressed feel like everyone wants them to change or just don't understand. Some feel it's best to be alone with their thoughts.
August 9th, 2015 8:06am
Sometimes when you're depressed, you feel lonely and that feeling causes you to push others away when they want to help. You may not know you're doing it until a loved one says something.
September 4th, 2015 8:34pm
Its hard to feel depression. Its a very difficult thing to feel and to go through. Lots of times people who are suffering feel that nobody will understand what they are going through and may feel its easier to just deal with their feelings alone or in secret. The best thing you can do is to be there and lend support if you know someone who suffers or if you are the one suffering perhaps seeking professional healthcare advice through a provider, a counselor or therapist can help.
September 13th, 2015 12:37am
Because they don't want others to "deal with the same problems". Mostly arises from wanting to keep others safe and suffer themselves. Logic.
September 19th, 2015 3:40pm
Depressed people push loved ones away because they are sad and hate people and life. :) :( :) :( hi!
October 25th, 2015 2:26am
A lot of people are scared of hurting their loved ones by telling them the truth. Maybe they won't think of them the same way. It's sad that some people think that, but true loved ones will always love you no matter what you say. That's what makes them so special.
October 29th, 2015 2:01pm
Depression amplifies every negative thought and emotion. Those with depression feel that they are undeserving of love and affection. They dwell in oppressive isolation, thinking that this is what the world has chosen for them. Also, they hate to be a burden to anyone else. They hate themselves and think they are beyond saving. Therefore, they don't want to waste anyone else's time. They prefer to suffer alone and undisturbed.
November 6th, 2015 2:30pm
They don't think they can give love to them as they are not finding it within. They think they are not enough to love anybody and afraid they won't get the love back they deserve in return