Why do I hate myself so much?

227 Answers
Last Updated: 06/16/2019 at 7:03am
Why do I hate myself so much?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
June 11th, 2016 1:01pm
I keep asking myself , why do I hate myself so much. For the outsiders,im the kind of person they wish to be around. But to me, all I can think of is that negatives. Being judged by literally everyone for being skinny, lack of self confidence and anxiety issues. Feels like I'm just a huge ball of negativity whose existence meant nothing. Being taken for granted and trusting the wrong people is what I'm good at. Staying on bed all day ignoring my responsibilities and yet they ask me to love myself. Little do they know, what am I going through.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2016 1:10am
It's difficult to like myself when I've gone my entire without having felt that anyone cares. I was always the one friend that had to invite people to be involved, and even so I would always end up walking behind everyone. No one ever told me, "I love you", "I care about you," or, "I was just thinking about you." It's hard to keep fighting to like yourself when society has made it clear that it doesn't like you. And yes, people say that what others think don't matter. But, they do matter. What others think of you has just as strong of an effect as who you believe you are in making up your personality. If society doesn't make it clear that I'm accepted, loved, and wanted, then there's no way for me to not ~hate~ myself.
Coulourfuldreams
May 21st, 2016 1:58pm
Because I failed alot of stuff in the past. And can't get it out of my head and waste more time. Makes me hate my self so much
Anonymous
April 1st, 2016 4:16pm
Sometimes I just feel that I'm not good enough, and can never be. I'll try really hard to achieve the unrealistic goals I'll set for myself and then realize that I can't reach it, which makes me feel really useless therefore leading to self-loathing, thinking like "Why can't I be better?" and "I need to change". Although wanting to change isn't a bad thing, it will be if it's overdone. I sometimes hate myself so much because I'd compare myself to others. I have high expectations for myself, sometimes even being too high; I thought I was special, the main character of the story, but then realize that I wasn't, and I'm just a normal person, living in a normal little world. And the thought of being unable to change much about it frustrates me, leading to self-loathing yet again. It's something like a downward spiral of hate, where you just can't get back up. It's a viscous cycle. But hating our own selves won't help at all; it'll just bring negativity, and if it gets worse, maybe even passing on the negativity to others. You see, negativity is a really influential thing. It's easier to start hating about something compared to loving. And it obviously has to take time to stop hating ourselves; and I wish everyone who is self-loathing to start trying to love themselves, because if they themselves aren't able to love themselves, then who can?
xxsafaxx
May 29th, 2016 6:18pm
I hate myself sometimes soo soo much because i feel as though i am worthless to the world, to my family, to my friends. As though i cannot do anything to make them happy and that i just mess everything up.
soulglitch
March 26th, 2016 12:57am
I hated myself due to not feeling connected around the people around me. I felt abnormal when being outside with my friends, like I couldn't relate to what they was talking about what so ever.
TiffanyLauren
August 4th, 2016 1:38am
i hate myself so much because i have done a lot of mistakes that made my loved ones disappointed with me. i hate myself because i couldn't bring out the best of me.
WhoIsMar
April 17th, 2016 11:45pm
It's a self-inflicted feeling, and often comes when you feel that you've messed up, or ruined your life.
WOlfDima
April 23rd, 2016 5:22pm
In many psychological ways, this is called the "ongoing error". Means that these kinda feelings like "I hate myself so much" are not going to stay forever, in other words these are temporary feelings. By the time of two weeks or after a month you'll eventually forget this and actually will start loving yourself. (no kidding) the cause of this "ongoing error" disease is sudden anger. Which can be caused by something or someone. But importantly, though the feeling is temporary but yet the person who has "ongoing error" could be in a danger of self harming. A lot of psychologists recommend taking anger management therapies or talking with someone who's close to you as an elder. For more contact me
SmokeyStar
January 7th, 2017 5:39pm
For a lot of us, growing up hasn't been the most positive chapter in our lives. A lot of abuse and insulting has come from our own family. You felt like you weren't appreciated, or good at something. Maybe things are happening in your life right now and you feel like no one is on your side. It does not take too long for this to chip away at your self esteem, not at all. This is the monster in most people's lives that destroys them. It almost always starts with other people. Do not search for other people's approval because we do not often think about why other people act like this. We somehow decide there is something wrong with us. On the contrary. it can have something to do with them hating themselves in the first place. They will make you feel horrible about yourself because that's what they feel. They are only destructive. It never had anything to do with you. Self hate is like a virus. It spreads through contact. The only way to heal yourself is realize there are good qualities you have. Love yourself, love your life. When you can think of one or two good things about yourself, you've begun healing. You might also notice that you enjoy being around your best friends much more than you enjoy being around your family. Some people see in you what they want to see. It is a decision they made and the only way you can begin the healing is to not take them seriously, and everything will be okay.
enlightenedButterfly13
May 22nd, 2016 10:37pm
Because I'm going through depression, and nobody seems to care. But I know that's the depression speaking
dancingPillow85
March 31st, 2016 11:27pm
Because someone or something made you feel bad about yourself. And you believed, that this is what you are.
LoseYourFearsAnna
January 26th, 2017 10:22am
Look at yourself like your own best friend. What would you say to them to comfort them? All these negative thought about you, would you say that to your best friend? You deserve love. Love yourself. Be kind!
disconsolate
April 8th, 2016 3:45pm
maybe it's because you never see yourself the way someone else sees you? there's this beautiful quote that says, a butterfly is completely oblivious as to how beautiful its wings are, but the rest of the world sees it and they are in awe. now, that's ironic. coming from me. anyway...
Anonymous
June 16th, 2016 2:06pm
I've discovered that society often causes self-hatred. The thoughts that weight, appearance, and amount of wealth is more important than a kind heart or a creative mind. Honestly, I believe this kind of thinking is wrong, but is much too common. Even the smallest put-downs, whether it be from others or yourself, can cause monumental affects. A Japanese scientist named Emoto conducted a study on words and their impact using two jars of rice in a classroom. One jar was told, "Thank you" everyday, while the other was told, "You fool" everyday. This experiment was conducted over a span of thirty days. By the end of the thirty days, the thanked rice was just as fluffy as when it had been placed in the mason jar, whereas the insulted rice had been rotting. I found this experiment to be not only interesting, but quite alarming and eye-opening. Positivity saves lives... and rice.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2016 10:36pm
Maybe you're not forgiving yourself for small things. Maybe you're highly critical of your appearance and personality. Maybe you have a hard time letting go of the things you've done in the past, or things done to you. I don't know why you hate yourself because I don't know you, and I'm sorry for that.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2016 4:43am
I hated myself so much because I wasn't who I wanted myself to be. I learned that I could change some things, but the others I must accept. I now try to become the best of me.
Kyle1989
May 25th, 2016 5:46pm
The question usually should be not why I hate myself, but rather what is it that the people around me are doing that is making me question myself.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2016 7:54am
because I let her go when I should have fought harder, I let her waltz into the arms of someone else and I did nothing to stop it... I lost the best thing I ever had
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2016 1:34pm
There are a lot of reasons why you do not love yourself. You may have had a tough childhood and got not enough attention. You may have been bullied and got a trauma after that. You may have not achieved what you wanted. All reasons for hating yourself are in you, all you have to do is figure out what are they and work on them for them to disappear.
Anonymous
April 6th, 2016 7:13pm
Because you are unable to forgive you for some reason. Dont know what it is. But whatever it is, you need to let it go.
Anonymous
April 21st, 2016 6:07am
Hate comes from dissatisfaction. You think you hate yourself cause you are not satisfied with what you are or what you are doing. You are just demotivated and have low confidence, talk with people who will bring out the best from you. You will love yourself then, just see yourself in a new light.
Steppenoak22
March 27th, 2016 1:52am
Well from what i've gathered people hate themselves because other people don't like them, instead of really thinking about their positive qualities. Also sometimes that can't be possible because they are in such a depressed state they can't even think, but this is quite a severe state and it's in a minority of cases. Another important factor is what opinion the parents have of that person, if it's negative it will quite surely affect ones self esteem. I always recommend people who tell me this to try and think about the things they like about themselves, and if you aren't the person you want to be you still have time to become that person.
HelenFalls
July 13th, 2016 9:38am
I hate the way I've let myself get this far being alone because I thought nobody would understand me
MissyR70
April 8th, 2017 4:43am
This problem might be caused by things that have happened to you in the past or things that people told you about yourself that you chose to believe. Self love can be learned and is very important.
Immortalwolfieslyrics
May 10th, 2016 8:09pm
I hate myself so much because I have hurt many people in my life, and once that happens, there is no going back. You can't take back what you said, or did. That gets me the most. It hurts when you can't stop how you feel, and then it becomes all you know. But it starts to get easier, especially when you tell someone what's going on. And asking for help is a great way to start. Love yourself, don't bring yourself down because someone didn't understand, or you hurt a lot of people. Everyone is beautiful, full of curiosity, and wonderful human beings, we just have to see it in ourselves and help others see what's good about them.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2016 3:22pm
Sometimes we compare ourselves to what the ideal is - promoted in media, fashion, peer pressure and our own expectations. The bar is often too high to be possible and a sense of failure can lead to feelings of self-hatred. Maturing or self-acceptance, is about learning to accept yourself and your shortcomings, as well as celebrating the individual you are. Also about being realistic as to what is achievable.
winsomefish
May 20th, 2016 12:53pm
I think it's much easier to direct our anger and our pain towards other people who have hurt us towards ourselves, rather than at them. When someone says something wounding to us, it seems to be easier, in my experience to assume they're right and direct that pain inwards than be angry that they (particularly if you care for them) would deliberately hurt you with a lie.
CiaraSmiles
May 22nd, 2016 8:02pm
You may not be comfortable in the person that you are because you have not yet explored the world in a more in-depth way to understand your true inner self
Anonymous
April 30th, 2016 3:43pm
I can't answer this for you. You know why you hate yourself. You are the only one who could fix this. No matter how impossible it might seem, You control yourself. You make your own decisions, You make your own choices. You can choose to love yourself. You can choose to forget insecurities. Life is beautiful. And the only thing standing between you and that beauty is that you.