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Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?

295 Answers
Last Updated: 04/15/2022 at 5:11pm
Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 26th, 2020 5:54am
Sometimes our brains can feel like they're on autopilot. There's this particular network in the brain called the Default Mode Network that is active when we are thinking about the past or the future. Sometimes this area being overly active can create a lot of extra "chatter in our minds. Breakups are hard because we get so accustomed to having a certain level of contact with a person, and then it's gone all of a sudden. We can wake up in the morning, anticipating a text, just to feel sad when we remember that person isn't in our lives the way they used to be. I've found that, as crazy as it sounds, activities like mindfulness meditation seem to help us either deactivate or slow down this network in our brain.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2020 3:41am
Thinking about an ex is normal, lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have. You Wake up thinking about your ex due to you Did not have closer, you still haven't properly grieved the end of your relationship and forgiven her/him. If you haven't made peace with the past then do it, Let go of the fantasy. Many people don't realize that a large majority of the pain they experience during a break-up has nothing to do with the relationship they really had. If you still love him/her then Know That It's Ok To Love Someone And Not Be With Them, accept The Past, and most important be nice to yourself.
SingingWithShadows
October 14th, 2020 3:53am
You might wake up thinking about your ex because you miss them, or you might still have a longing for them. In this case, try to focus on other things, like hobbies and activities, to get them off your mind. If you continue to wake up while thinking about your ex, it might be better to confront those thoughts rather than run from them. Talk to a trusted friend, your therapist, or a listener on 7cups; we are all here to help. Breakups can be hard, and you don't have to cope with it alone. Best of luck, my friend :)
kahliyahsangel
October 21st, 2020 4:31pm
You wake up thinking about your ex because you must renew your mind. First, I want to talk about renewing your mind, put your focus on something else that will serve you purpose, and give you hope. It is a constant thought that we must think to defeat our normal thought patterns those things that do not serve us purpose or bring us joy. However, I want to bring to attention the items that your ex may have brought you; clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. get rid of all those things. You might not know it but those items will keep us in remembrance of our past.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2020 4:47pm
this person obviously had a big impact on your life and effected it in many ways. me not knowing what he or she did. even what he or she did was good or bad this person still was a big part of your life. it is normal to have thoughts or think about someone who was once in your life. if they caused you pain or happiness it is normal to think about them sometimes. it is human nature and apart of the human mind. people who impacted are lives have a big roll especially in our minds usually.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2020 10:10pm
Your ex is a person you were once in a relationship with and had a close bond with. The feelings you had for each other and the memories you shared together will not just disappear the moment you break up. Those emotions will take a while to forget, but the only thing that can heal is time. Once some time passes and you are done healing and are completely over your ex, you will be able to move on. As hard as it is, focusing on your life and your passions and interests will allow you to be more excited about living your life and spend less time thinking about your ex.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2020 4:57am
This could just be a phase of rebounding. Everyone's probably gone through this. You are not alone, and it's okay. Don't panic or get stressed out. If you are overly stressed out, I would take deep breaths to try to calm down. We have therapists on our website that could consult with you. Over all, you probably just miss them like most normal people. If you try to do things that you enjoy doing, it could help keep you focused on others rather than your ex. An ex is an ex for a reason, right? You will get past these feelings with time. Before you know it, you might meet someone new. Lastly, if you have any resentment towards your ex, try writing them a letter and then ripping it up and tossing it somewhere like the garbage. Since the relationship was garbaged and you will move on past it and be in an even better relationship, hopefully. As long as you are sweet and kind, you will be okay.
LovingCreations
January 21st, 2021 6:37am
You may feel this way because you still have lingering feelings for them. You may wish they were still around or wonder what it was like to have the relationship continued. You may just remember them sometimes, because you feel you are lonely or without love. Sometimes, you could feel like you need that somebody to mend the hole that was created when they left. Having somebody that you loved and trusted leave, can be a very painful and heart-breaking experience. If you ever feel this way, do talk about it with me, others and all the kind people on this platform.
Fergie12299
January 21st, 2021 7:37am
Only you can answer this question. There may be many reasons why this is the first thing you think when you wake up. Could you possible still have strong feelings for this person. Is there something there when you wake up that reminds you of them? Did the relationship end on good terms or bad? Was there something that you needed to say or do before the relationship ended. There are many possibilities why your ex is the first thing you think about when you wake up. These are all things that you can answer. There are different things that you can in order to change this but if your ex is stuck in your head then you need to identify what is the reason.
generousSnowflake87
March 4th, 2021 5:07pm
You probably miss what you used to have. I went through that too. It's totally normal. So don't worry. Try to move on even if it is hard. Try to talk to your friends about it because they will probably help you. I used to think about my ex because i missed what we had. Its like he was stuck in my head. Its ok to think about him because it is natural. The way he made you feel. If your single then you probably will think about him more often. He will probably be on your mind since you dated him.
Lighthouse10
March 11th, 2021 3:05pm
It depends on how long you have been separated. But it probably means that you are still attached to them. Of course attachment is different from love, and will fade with time. Usually getting over a loved one will take between 3 and 6 months. My own experience with this issue is after a couple of month the urge to think about them most of the time goes down a great deal, and as the months passed it became less and less till it vanished completely. The important thing for me was not to fight it, but rather to accept it and let time deal with it.
Anonymous
March 11th, 2021 8:58pm
Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said. "Get back into hobbies you used to do, treat yourself to something that makes you happy, and get back in touch with friends who you haven't seen in a while. It's much better to be single than to be with the wrong person."Immediately after a break up, you're likely to still be connected to each other on social media. Ettin said this isn't a good idea. "Unblock, unfriend, un-everything," she said. "In this case, ignorance is bliss. Online stalking can get out of hand. Don't do it." In time, you may be able to be friends. But don't try to rush it. If you're meant to be in each other's lives, it will happen naturally. So don't worry about burning bridges — look after yourself first.
gentleFireworks5721
March 31st, 2021 3:43pm
The grass is always greener on the other side. While, you may have moved on and even possibly found a new romance, there is still that piece of you that believes if things were different, things would be better. The dissatisfaction and insatiable focus on what could have been, rots and eats away at our souls. I recommend allowing yourself to meditate and let the hunger for more and better pass through your mind and evaporate. You can imagine putting those desires on a cloud and watching the cloud slowly fly away. We should not be afraid of our subconscious as we are all human and we all have our own experience of life. Through the pain, the joy, and the mystery, acknowledging our own humanity and facing our own truth, we can live joyful and free lives!
here2hear2help
April 10th, 2021 10:09pm
We often replay relationships when there are unresolved issues. Reoccurring thoughts about past relationships may stem from these unresolved issues. There may be questions you have that are unanswered or feelings you wish to convey after the end of the relationship. It is okay to have these thoughts. Process them and take the time to heal. If the relationship ended amicably, and you feel comfortable talking to your ex, open a dialogue and ask for some time to talk through your thoughts in an effort to seek a resolution. It may be easier to heal and move forward once you achieve closure.
Anonymous
April 14th, 2021 9:08am
Maybe because you did not still overcome him/her or maybe because you still feel that connection or bonding. Sometimes it can also be because you might have been missing that person very badly that your mind unconsciously thinking about him / her. Maybe the chapter of love, with your ex, was left incomplete. May be those left out chapters are the ones which are making you think about your ex. Those unfinished chapters need to be finished. And you could also be thinking of your ex as soon as you wake up because there might be instances, happy memories which you had with him / her and something might have triggered those memories.
caringBeauty97
May 6th, 2021 10:40am
Because of the habit. It took some times before you can start living with those memories. It varies from person to person. It's quiet hard at the beginning but one day you'll realize it is not bothering you anymore. For me first time it took me around 1 years but eventually I can stop thinking about her. Time heals everything. Just try to survive and keep hoping. Don't try to forget or forcefully erase those memories, it won't work trust me. try to live with those memories. Try to calm yourself and teach yourself that you don't care whatever happens to him or her.
pinkstrawberrytea
June 16th, 2021 8:42pm
it’s not easy to forget someone you cared about dearly, be it a good friend or a previous partner. sometimes, you try so hard to forget about someone, but the subconscious will always remember, even if the conscious doesn’t. your brain will hold on to the memories of a person you lost, especially to someone you cared about very much. you wake up thinking about your ex because you loved them. and part of you still does. and part of you will always. even when you have moved on, there will always be that part of you that would miss them, but that’s okay, missing people is part of life, and not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2021 6:41am
There are many possible reasons. Maybe you want a closure and thats why you are feeling sonething missing even after your breakup. Its also possible that you still love that person and you are not fully moved upon from your earlier phase. Might be you are addicted to that person and now you are thinking about your ex. It can be the case that your ex had been an important part of your life and now with his non existance, you are missing him. You may even be feeling something missing and incomplete without your ex and want to meet with them atleast once again.
CatzInTheCradle
September 29th, 2021 2:12am
Why do I wake up and think about breakfast ~ ? Why don't I wake up and think about my ex? I could think about my ex if I wanted. I'm thinking about her right now. And just like that, she is gone from my mind again. Every thought is a memory. We choose the things that we want to recall. What you're thinking about at the time, is precisely what you WANT to think about. When people miss their exes, thinking about and pining after their exes is a way of bringing them back. It's not real in any way, but it does make people feel comforted. What are your feelings towards your ex? Do you still love her? Do you have regrets about your separation? Do you feel angry, or lack some kind of closure? Resentment? Whatever your feelings, they will govern your thoughts, and your behaviour also. If you instead woke up each morning and thought about breakfast, you might find you will start thinking about your ex less. But if you wake up and think about your ex - it's precisely because some part of you WANTS to think about your ex.
compassionateUnicorns5899
December 12th, 2021 9:07pm
When your ex didn't affect your life significantly, its easy to move on, its easy to go long periods of time without thinking of them unless they come up in a conversation or something. However, if you loved someone. If this person affected the way you saw the world and yourself. Worse still if the situation did not end well, then you will have memories come up. Its a way for your mind to resolve what happened or fill in the blanks. This is perfectly normal especially if you are on the road of self discovery and healing. There is the temptation to squash these memories because we think moving on means completely ignoring the past
RainbowUnicorn1266
December 22nd, 2021 3:06pm
How long have you been thinking about your ex? And how long have you guys been broken up for? They sometimes say - physcologically- we think of someone who is thinking of us - That being said it is clear you still miss them with the greatness of your heart and are still dealing with the emotions which came with the breakup. It is a learning path and is very understandable at first for them to easily pop into your mind. It takes time to gain back control over some of our thoughts which hold us back slightly. There are resources out there for you to use to understand more about your mindset.
LovingKermitTheFrog
January 6th, 2022 2:22pm
Waking up thinking about your ex is confusing and sometimes frustrating, but it is your heart showing you how much you have grown since you and your ex parted ways. Your heart is telling you that you have the utmost strength to get through anything in life, even if something may have broken your heart. Waking up with this thought about your ex is not something you should get mad at yourself for doing. Do not think that this thought means you are weak or that you are not strong. Look at it as a reminder that you are growing and that you have gone through so much and strive to keep on going! I remember being in a similar situation myself about a month ago and once I started looking at these thoughts as progress in my own self, I truly started to believe that I could get through any situation by switching to a more positive viewpoint! I did it, and so can you! I believe in you!
Gingerstar123
February 19th, 2022 12:18pm
Your brain may still be processing the break up, especially if its fairly new. Quite often it can take time for the brain to process that your ex may not be around in the same way he was before and your goals and hopes for the future may now be changing, your brain may just be processing that. Another reason could be that something unconsciously may have triggered a memory associated with him and bought him forward in your mind, for example perhaps you see a chair he often liked to sit in or a cup on your bedside table that he used to like and its reminded you of him without you realising the link, this is normal. If you are feeling unwanted emotions around it then it can always help to talk to someone whether it be a friend, family member or a listener on here :)
spicyvaish
March 17th, 2022 10:39am
I completely understand where you're coming from. Getting over a breakup can be very hard on the mind and the body, and usually we have no control over the thoughts that pop up into our head. Your ex is probably someone that you shared a lot of memories with, and someone that you probably opened yourself up to. When you end things with someone after building a deep emotional bond with them, it can be hard to move forward easily without a struggle. It's very common to wake up thinking or worrying about your ex, even when you're no longer with them. It shows that you still care and love for them. The first step is to start healing over your breakup and start working on moving forward. During this time, focus on your relationship with other loved ones and most importantly, yourself. Healing is a long and tiring process, but it will feel so good when you're done.
loneplanet117
April 15th, 2022 5:11pm
I think it's more common than people think, to be thinking about their ex. You shared memories with this person, connections, feelings and emotions. They were part of your world for a period of time. So just like when we reflect on other memories in our lives, I think it's normal to reflect on these memories with our ex as well. Experiences that we have had in the past can really help us to understand how we are in the present moment, and what to do in the future. So don't feel confused or sad if you're thinking about your ex, it can be quite normal.