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Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?

295 Answers
Last Updated: 04/15/2022 at 5:11pm
Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
ElaineSaysHello
July 12th, 2018 11:30pm
Maybe something about them is hard to forget, or a conflict between you two has not been resolved yet.
Awesomesauce23
May 11th, 2016 8:07pm
Even though you may not like him anymore, he still is in your mind, because you have a special place for him in your heart.
Anonymous
May 12th, 2016 8:15am
because you still like him/her , he/she is history , but you had loved him/her once upon a time , so its not that easy to forget him/her, if we take the case of an ice- cream , we eat the ice cream but still its taste continues to be in our tongue , for a while, in the same way , we continue to think about our ex until someone else enters in our life.
LemonToLemonade
May 12th, 2016 6:33pm
That's because you still think about that person a lot, which is normal. Your (now ex) partner used to be the one you first thought of when you woke up and your last when you went to bed. It takes some time to get used to the now different situation.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 11:33pm
I wake up thinking about my ex too and sometimes during the day. It's part of your past and a little part of you may still love your ex.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2017 11:31pm
It is normal to think about the person who meant a lot to you at one time. You will have shared many moments and memories together. However you are not together for a reason, whatever that reason may be. If you feel it's time to move on from them then you need to take those next steps to achieve this. If you feel that there is something there still, between both parties then maybe communicate with one another and re-evaluate things. But remember, your happiness comes first always.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2020 8:11pm
When you used to spend alot of time one person it wont be easy to forget even tho time will heal slow but it will take long to forget. Maybe a good tip will be if you focus on other things that keeo you busy about thinking about your ex. Like 2pac said "Hahaha, that's right I know it seem hard sometimes But, uh, remember one thing Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that So no matter how hard it get Stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it." Let the time heal you slowly and focus on yourself. :)
oliviaheretolisten
March 30th, 2018 10:08pm
As humans, we hold onto kinship and the natural tendency of familiarity. You were familiar with him/her/them, but know that you are no doubt familiar with yourself. Even more so, because your identity is every composite of who YOU are. You wake up thinking about your ex because memory doesn't fail us. Know that the devotion to yourself is one much grander, that the past is only a catalyst for greater things. Nothing wrong with clinging onto old memory, but there is so much more beauty in moving on.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2020 7:09am
Because even after the relationship ends, the memories remain and that doesn't go overnight. In fact, it wouldn't be wrong to say that those memories don't leave you till you are alive. We humans always remember times when someone makes us feel good about us and when someone makes us feel bad about us. No matter how much we hate our enemy or someone we dislike, we do remember what they did to us. When we remember bad things done to us then it is pretty much obvious that we would miss our exes as there was a time they made us feel the best about ourselves.
Sniffles0188
April 17th, 2020 2:40pm
They were a significant part of your life and you were used to doing so many different things with them throughout your daily lifestyle. They created memories, taught you things and developed your character. This means they are technically still with you since they are part of your journey :) learn to accept & acknowledge their existence within your thoughts. Learning to let go of someone can be difficult but this can only be done if you accept your circumstances and don't put pressure on yourself to forget about them. They may be in your thoughts to remind you of something you may have forgotten - such as to love yourself.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2019 6:23pm
First of all it's totally normal to think about our ex when we wake up even after it's been quite some time with breakup . We miss the good times , the good memories we had with them , how they made us feel (in good ways) and most importantly how free and alive we felt around them . Also there's a factor of you wanting all these feelings back in your life , because without them it all just seems .... empty!? It will take time to get over with (if you want to get over it) , but with time bud , it does get better :)
kenopsxa
March 21st, 2019 3:14pm
Because they were part of your life and you can't simply erase it from your memory. I know it must have been difficult to follow your own individual paths, but you can try to focus on the happiest moments you lived together and what you learnt during this period of your life. Even the darkest moments from our life carry a weight with them and we can learn from things we went through. We miss people that walked with us for some time in our lives, but they also have a life of their own to live and that's totally ok. You shouldn't forget, but also let go of all bad feelings.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2016 1:47pm
You wake up thinking about your ex because that person has played a huge part in your life and has once been someone very important to you and might still be important now, as they have been with you before.
Jing2010
December 29th, 2018 8:48pm
You wake up each morning thinking about your ex because of your deep emotional feelings for him or her. Those emotions are beyond your control and while you sleep your mind is sorting out all these various issues. The love you have for them is something that will never go away, but your mind will adapt to not thinking about them as much. Love is a gift. That person was in your life for a reason and brought you as much joy or more than the break-up brought you pain. Be thankful for them and remember the good times. You never know, what once was can be again.
healingCloud74
December 28th, 2018 4:11am
You had the strength to walk away because you felt the relationship wasn't right for you... which shows your strength of character. It is not easy walking away from something you know isn't right for you, a lot of people stay in a relationship which isn't what they want , because it is what they have been used to for so long. The fear of change scares them and they think it'll be too painful to leave and move on, but it's more painful to stay stuck in a relationship where you don't belong The first step towards getting what you want is admitting , accepting and taking the risk of leaving behind what you don't want. You have taken that huge step. Don't make the mistake of believing that because you think of her often that it's a sign you want or need her back.
RandiiBabyy
April 8th, 2017 4:23am
You wake up thinking about your ex because he was a part of your life. You never forget people like that.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2017 11:12pm
Waking thinking about an ex (whether it be good or bad thoughts) is normal when the break is fresh, and may even come up every so often. It doesn't always have to mean something more than it is: a random thought popped into your head. For times like this, to avoid falling into a tunnel of overthinking, it would be helpful to remind yourself of who you are and that you cannot be with your ex for various reasons.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 6:17am
Obviously that is normal when you have been with someone for a while and believe they are the one. The best thing ever is to work on you. Every day make a plan. Every night write down feelings. If your ex is going to come back it is much better to actually to have managed without them. It depends why you broke up. If he/ she left to progress in thier life that is one thing and you may well still be friends. If someone else involved than MOVE ON you need to realise they were not the one. You need to grow yourself as you will be with the perfect person at a later date. Time heals. You may well be friends with your ex later depending as to how you split. If they were badly behaved you have to ask if a real friend would treat you in such a way? I'm guessing you would answer no. Self love first.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2018 3:43pm
You are dwelling on the past. You might be remembering the good or the bad memories that are connected to your past lover. You may not be ready to move on.
GalaxyGirlz
April 7th, 2018 5:40am
you probably miss him a lot, I mean that is someone you devoted your time and heart to and no their gone if anything you would be a sociopath if you didn't
SparkleBird
April 22nd, 2018 11:51am
Getting over an ex can be like rolling a boulder up a giant mountain. Your heart's muscles scream. Your body literally aches. It's just the worst. But every day that you try to roll that boulder up the mountain, your muscles get a little bit stronger. Just like every day that you wake up thinking about your ex, life has given you a few more things to think about. Maybe it's a new friend, maybe it's something you learned at school or work, maybe it's just a really funny story someone told you. But your life will fill with new facts and truths and light, and before you know it, your ex will become just one of those truths. You will still love them. But the boulder will start to roll up the hill. Your heart's sore muscles will ache a little less. Your load will lighten. Believe it or not, you will move on one day.
toxicdialogue2
January 20th, 2018 12:09pm
Ending a relationship is a big thing, not only is it almost like deleting someone you spent a lot of time with from your life but it is a big step into your future, you will take what you learnt from that relationship with you. It's normal to think about someone, that you spent a lot of time with and thought about a lot when you were together, it's almost out of habit.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2018 6:39am
Often times it is hard to break off our emotional feelings even though the relationship may have ended. It is not wrong to still feel emotional and attached in someway to someone we were once close to. Healing and getting over someone takes time, so you are not alone in this feeling. Perhaps finding spending some time focusing on other interests, maybe activities, friendships, or even other relationships can help your mind to ease into its path of healing. Just know that there is nothing wrong with still thinking about them or having feelings for them, because it simply takes time to overcome. You can do it, one step at a time. :)
Anonymous
January 4th, 2018 10:37pm
There are a lot of reasons this could be, but be careful trying to guess at what unconscious thought means. How do you feel about your ex? Maybe it's time to reconnect with that person, or maybe they're just thoughts.
trueaddictions
November 12th, 2017 6:38pm
It sometimes happens that if your relationship was a long-term relationship or pretty intense, you still remember your ex even if it's been a while since you broke up. Maybe you dreamt about him/her. You're probably missing your memories together, but not him/her.
slaytrixx
October 21st, 2017 3:42am
You obviously have residual feelings for them. It doesn't have to be love or affection, but you simply miss what you do not have anymore. People aren't used to change, and it's completely normal. Just let yourself slide out of it and you will sooner or later. It's okay to think about them and miss them because you probably had meaningful moments with them.
Meible
November 10th, 2017 6:48am
Sometimes you miss someone and that's okay. Part of it might just be because they were a big part of your life and they are no longer there. Whatever the reason, it is obvious that they had a significant impact on you.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2017 9:48pm
When someone is important to us and we have spent a lot of time with them it is hard not to think of them. Thoughts of these people could pop up at any time of the day even if we have not seen them in some time. Sometimes there is no real explanation and other times something may have triggered the memory.
NotAGod
November 22nd, 2017 2:48am
Pretty self explanatory - You miss her. It's okay, we all sometimes think about our exes. It's a part of life.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2017 11:32pm
It is because you loved this person and have memories with this person. It's normal to miss them from time to time. or even long for them. Forgetting is easy when it doesn't matter but forgetting something when it meant the world isn't that easy. You are allowed to miss this person just don't forget that there will always be better things waiting for you in life.