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Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?

295 Answers
Last Updated: 04/15/2022 at 5:11pm
Why do I wake up thinking about my ex?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Countrygirl101
May 15th, 2016 4:47pm
Because you still love them and it's something that you can't easily get over because of the love you two once shared :)
YourfriendEmma
July 20th, 2015 1:29am
Perhaps you've been thinking about your ex a lot. You're not alone in that you think of that person after you're through. They were apart of your life. Naturally, you'll think of them.
fitzgeralds
May 14th, 2016 1:47am
I think about him because I still love him. I'm not happy with the way the relationship ended, nor am I happy about the relationship we have now, but I love him. I'm not in love with him, and i don't feel beholden, but he was a beautiful person I cared about very much and I shared myself with. I think it's natural to wake up with someone who was once so much a part of you on your mind.
Gaboue
November 9th, 2015 3:54am
I think that it's normal to think about our ex when you had so many good memories with this person, it's normal to miss those memories but it doesn't mean that you need your ex back.
prettygrlnay
May 18th, 2016 5:00pm
because you miss him or her or they pop up on your mind and maybe your wondering how they are in life
JasonT
May 19th, 2016 2:29pm
This is a normal response to breaking up iwth someone. It isnt your fault. Figure out a way to distract yourself, e.g. drawing
hopefulSoul81
May 15th, 2016 7:09pm
You wake up thinking about your ex because your used to have him or her in bed with you right next to you. Your used to having there arm wrapped around you.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2020 5:10pm
Depending on how long you were together, your ex probably represents familiarity and some level of comfort-zone. That’s okay, there was a bond, an investment, so naturally there will be a grieving period, even if it doesn’t feel like you’re grieving anymore. The length of the period will likely depend heavily on how connected and bonded you were to your ex. You will need time to heal and process those emotions and feelings. Surrounding yourself with positivity, familiar and comforting things (like friends and family) and serving others can help you process and move forward. Also, Branching out and finding new acquaintances and experiences will help. It will gradually get better with time.
Homeiswherethehopeis
May 25th, 2016 7:39am
Sometimes, it's hard to let go of someone who played a major part in your life. It is not easy to forget the memories, let alone pretend like they never happpened in the first place. Give yourself some time, and know that this person helped you grow. Be thankful for that, and try to remember them in a good way. Steer clear from any hard feelings/regret, try instead to be thankful for them and the memories you share. Hope this helped :)
AmicableBruda
September 9th, 2018 3:41pm
The notable people in our past are part of who we are because they were are a notable part of our lives. It's not uncommon to be reminded of them or the effect they had on us. Especially if something familiar brings back memories. Of course if there was a deeper meaning behind those thoughts only you could truly explore that. Because it all depends on your connection with your ex and how you feel about them. Just keep in mind that thinking of someone simply means you were reminded of them. If there's more to it, your feelings would likely reflect it.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 8:52am
We tend to think of the people we hold most dear before we sleep and after we wake. I am unsure to why this is, but it's a thing.
SeekApotheosis50
July 25th, 2018 5:10pm
It could be that, when you wake up, there is nothing else to distract you from those thoughts. Do you feel regrets about the relationship? Has there been a lack of closure? Or do you feel you'd like to get in touch again?
sereneStella98
August 3rd, 2018 12:21pm
It is normal to think of your ex sometimes. You have spent time with he/she. You have loved and cared about them. So it is almost impossible to forget them or to erase them from your memory. By that doesn’t mean that you need to go back to them. As humans, we do have feelings but we have learnt to control them and to move forward.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2018 1:18pm
Because you still love him and that’s not wrong, you just have to get over him and then you’ll not think about him anymore
Anonymous
August 11th, 2018 2:49pm
Probably because you were used to them by your side, and now that they’re no longer there its going to take a while to move on.
Sparklife
August 11th, 2018 4:11pm
It's because you probably love him/her. You should go talk to that person and it will feel better for you. I feel you I have been there where you are now. When me and my gf broke up.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2018 7:13pm
Because there could be something missing something you miss that they did it doesn’t have to be something big that they’d do even just small things they’d do is enough to make you think about them
Lighthouse10
March 11th, 2021 3:05pm
It depends on how long you have been separated. But it probably means that you are still attached to them. Of course attachment is different from love, and will fade with time. Usually getting over a loved one will take between 3 and 6 months. My own experience with this issue is after a couple of month the urge to think about them most of the time goes down a great deal, and as the months passed it became less and less till it vanished completely. The important thing for me was not to fight it, but rather to accept it and let time deal with it.
Delonix
November 25th, 2018 11:00am
I believe this has more to do with a subconscious mechanism than necessarily with feelings per se. There is a constant need of rewire our brain after a significant change in our lives or ourselves. It’s almost like having to constantly update the OS or the apps on smartphones, computers etc. to get newer versions with improvements, new features and bugs fixed. When we have deep feelings for someone and we’re used to that person being a significant part of our lives, there’s still many patterns sticked to our brains that we can’t just “turn it off” whenever we wish. We’re not only used to have that person in our life but also to think about her, to talk to her in the same way we used to, to see her, make plans, finding things that we’d like to share with that person etc. This takes a lot of space in our brain and it takes time and effort to normalize the idea that the person is gone, and make your brain adopt new patterns that doesn’t envolve this person in particular. The time it takes to achieve this varies a lot from person to person, but it is possible for all of us. You still need to heal completely, so try to be patient and kind with yourself. Don’t take the blame for feeling these things, and do your best to learn how to cope and overcome this. This isn’t permanent.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2019 11:21pm
Was it recent? Ask yourself, “Do I deserve to wake up and think about somebody who is not with me?” What do you do when you wake up and have thought about your ex? What are some things that distract you from them? Have you found a hobby to put your mindset on something else? You may think about them because they had a larger impact in your life, and now that that is gone you automatically think of them, perhaps. You think of them, have you tried to discover the root of why you think of them? It may help
JoseMystic
January 26th, 2019 6:55am
When we sleep, our minds are generating ideas of what's important to us and what we spend alot of time think about. Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing it's depending on how it affects us but it is absolutley normal for us to think about something we lost as we are adjusting to no longer being in it's presence or adjusting to the emotional changes our bodies go through. The best way to deal with similar thoughts are to think of what's best for us overall and to remember that love comes in different shapes and disguised in many forms, but the first true love we must experience is the love for ourselves.
Iampandagenie
January 19th, 2019 1:21pm
The reason behind this is that you sleep thinking about your ex. Our mind works like that. Think about geography, you'll wake up remembering that. Think about exams, you'll wake up thinking about that. It's ok to think like that. It'll be okay. Keep reminding yourself that this is gonna pass. And try to think about other things when going to bed. Or you can also try meditation while lying down in bad. You can turn on some meditating music. It'll help you. See, if you are willing to do something, you can make it happen. Make sure you are making right choices. All the best!
FlowerLiz2
January 10th, 2019 8:01pm
Because they were part of your life and we are magically connected through chords to all the people we've been in relationship with. We process memories in the night through dreams and in the morning it is when our unconscious is the most visible because we did not yet got into our busy day. Thinking of them means nothing more then thinking of your ex. That's what the mind does.
NordligSno
January 10th, 2019 3:38pm
There are many reasons as to why this could happen! ◆︎ You are still not over your ex. Even if you have had a relationship after, it could be a rebound. Meaning you were with them to forget about your ex. Even though you break up with someone, you need to remember that feelings usually linger. ◆︎ It could also be that you haven't allowed yourself to grieve over the relationship (not necessarily the person). Sometimes you miss the memories and the future it could have been instead. ◆︎ How did the relationship end? If it ended poorly, perhaps your brain is trying to find ways to protect you in the future from these situations or understand why it happened. I could be wrong, especially since I'm not aware of the circumstance, and there's many other reasoning's out there. But I hope you manage to get past this. :) Best of luck.
generousSnowflake87
March 4th, 2021 5:07pm
You probably miss what you used to have. I went through that too. It's totally normal. So don't worry. Try to move on even if it is hard. Try to talk to your friends about it because they will probably help you. I used to think about my ex because i missed what we had. Its like he was stuck in my head. Its ok to think about him because it is natural. The way he made you feel. If your single then you probably will think about him more often. He will probably be on your mind since you dated him.
elezachocolatelover13
October 6th, 2018 4:57pm
Dreams are complicated, yet interesting. Most of the times, dreams are an absurd amalgamation of the events in past, your present and your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking about someone while waking up, them it is most likely that you have slept thinking about them. That person must have done something to form an impreasion(positive or negative) on your life. You can scan the past few days and try to find out more about the connection. As on my personal part, I would not ponder over it much. These things are part and parcel of our life. They happen, and then we seem to forget most of them eaisly, as the day passes. Hope you'll find your solution. Take care
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2018 12:20pm
Well there can be various reason... For example the breakup was just a few days ago and its memory is "fresh". Or maybe the break up was a bad idea and your brain already realized it. You started to miss him maybe and the time what you spent with him. You can still love him, you just can't admit it for yourself. Who knows? It is a hard question and i think you should figure out the answer all alone. Maybe you can contact him and talk about it, but it depends on how the relationship ended. Whatever you do, i support you.
gentleFireworks5721
March 31st, 2021 3:43pm
The grass is always greener on the other side. While, you may have moved on and even possibly found a new romance, there is still that piece of you that believes if things were different, things would be better. The dissatisfaction and insatiable focus on what could have been, rots and eats away at our souls. I recommend allowing yourself to meditate and let the hunger for more and better pass through your mind and evaporate. You can imagine putting those desires on a cloud and watching the cloud slowly fly away. We should not be afraid of our subconscious as we are all human and we all have our own experience of life. Through the pain, the joy, and the mystery, acknowledging our own humanity and facing our own truth, we can live joyful and free lives!
Anonymous
September 12th, 2018 7:29pm
In my personal experience it has been due to a lack of closure, or unresolved feelings or issues you had with them. Breakups can be traumatic, especially if you feel like you’ve been wronged or it wasn’t your decision and felt blind sided by it. These emotions are difficult to process, you mourn the loss of a relationship and it can be scary to think about being on your own again. Change brings uncertainty and can cause anxiety because it’s unfamiliar. Maybe you’re waking up thinking about your ex because that the person is familiar. Maybe it’s because there are things you wish you could have said or done, situations you may have handled differently. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 4:55pm
you could still have love for them or still care for them . we all have that one ex we will always think about .