Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?

102 Answers
Last Updated: 07/27/2019 at 12:52am
Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?
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United States
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Christine Tronge, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I help those with depression, anxiety, and phobias develop coping skills to improve their lives and lessen their suffering, if not eliminate it.!!

Top Rated Answers
September 26th, 2018 10:15pm
You are most definitely allowed to seek help for emotional abuse at any time. The duration of the abuse or the time since is not important. What is important is that you get the help and support you need to be able to move on in your life. Addressing emotional abuse, or any kind of abuse will be difficult and painful, but there is no better time than the present. The longer you wait and hold onto it, the more damage you will continually endure. Seeking help is a great first step to becoming freed from your past traumas.
November 1st, 2018 4:38pm
I would rather say that you HAVE the RIGHT to get upset. We are humans after all, and getting upset won't make you a bad person, on the contrary you're expressing yourself, and it's natural. You don't need anyone to allow you to feel anything. You're free to feel and no one has the right to control how you're feeling. Start first by understanding the situation and identifying your feelings regarding the impact caused by this emotional abuse. 3 years is quite long, and long enough to affect you. Second, consider reading about your condition and focus on your goal which is to move on and heal. It may require a lot of time and efforts to rebuild yourself, but it's worth trying hard.
November 2nd, 2018 2:27pm
Of course. It is very common for people to not begin to feel reactions to abuse until many years later--sometimes even decades later-- because many of us block out and/or disassociate as a survival mechanism during the abuse. Because of this, it is also common to not be ready to ask for or receive help right away. Healing needs to take place in your own time, and will "work" only when you are ready to ask for help, to trust the person you are asking to respect your vulnerability, and when you're ready to put in the work that it takes to heal. It isn't easy, but it's never too late to ask for help, and it's never too late to heal.
November 28th, 2018 6:09pm
There is no time limit on hurt, and you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling whenever you feel it. Getting help to cope with the aftermath of emotional abuse is a healthy, productive and wise way to start to move forward. You don’t want to be stuck in feelings from the past. Remember, there is never a time limit on pain, and only you get to decide what you feel. Emotional abuse can leave scars that last a lifetime, unless we take positive steps to heal. Give yourself permission to be upset, grieve, reach out for help, or whatever else you need to do to move forward in your life.
December 6th, 2018 11:15pm
Yes! Abuse can hurt for a while. And the healing process can start when ever. If you have the feeling that you need help or if you are still hurting then the feeling is still valid. No matter if it happened yesterday or 20 years ago. I think that reaching out for help would be a really good idea. It can help a lot.
January 26th, 2019 4:32am
You are absolutely "allowed" to identify the issues and emotional injuries caused by abuse you suffered many years after the fact. Sometimes it takes a while for us to move past denial's protective layers to a point where we can see the parts that need to be repaired. We need to own that healing process. While the abuser may not understand why it's still bothering you, if they care for you in a meaningful way, they will still see the value in your dealing with your hurt, whenever it is that it needs to happen. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
February 8th, 2019 1:56pm
Of course! Everyone experiences things very differently: some of us are able to tackle a crisis and its side effects head-on, while some lock it away to not deal with it, to move on. Both are equally valid, but it is important to that if you start being upset later on, it does not take away your right to deal with emotion. In fact, it is probably the case that help is even more necessary. I myself used to bottle things up a lot, but letting things out, allowing the people around me to know they have caused me pain, felt good regardless of whether it was five minutes after arguments, or a few months afterwards.
March 3rd, 2019 11:28am
Yes, you are allow to start getting help for emotional abuse and should be proud of yourself for having the courage to seek out help. I have endure emotional abuse for over seven years of my life with someone that lived with my family. you have nothing to be ashamed of it and honestly is emotionally intelligent to do so. I was not able to admitted to have been a victim of this type of abuse. You can be an inspiration for other (if you are comfortable with being an advocate) and taking away the power from the person that subjected you to this abuse.
April 26th, 2019 1:48am
Indeed, you are not "allowed" but instead you have a right to to do it. People have lived with traumas for many years before seeking help or justice. Depending on your country legislation, legally there is a limit but there is no limit in trying to get help from people, from friends, or counsellors etc. If you have not yet made peace with that issue you can always search for help, there is no limit in years, just try to seek help again and again with others or yourself. It is helpful to "forget" but the human mind does not have buttons or switches to do that at a single "press", so it takes time for people to make peace with their traumas.
June 2nd, 2019 12:10am
Of course you are. Each person is different and reacts differently to situations. Your life is your own and no one has the right to tell you when and how you deal with anything you go through. You may not of been ready to talk about the abuse or ask for help or even acknowledge it, that is perfectly OK, you go at your own speed and what feels right to you. You have every right to feel all the emotions, the anger, the sadness, the numbness, you have experienced a trauma and it is absolutely understandable to feel all of this, regardless how long ago it happened
June 7th, 2019 6:43am
Of course. your feelings are valid no matter how late you experience them. It’s never too late to seek help, no matter what the issue is. You’re emotions matter. I even encourage you to find a listener, and if you feel up to it, I could be that listener. and if not, I can definitely supply you with sources. (i.e.: hotlines, chatrooms, therapists in your area, and psychiatrists I know). and I’m terribly sorry for your situation, even if it was quite a time ago. Good luck, you’re worth it and i’m proud of you for even considering reaching out.
July 27th, 2019 12:52am
Of course! There isn't a time limit on when you are or aren't allowed to get help. There isn't an expiration date on feelings or emotions. You are allowed to feel what you feel, when you feel it. Recovery from emotional abuse is a huge mountain to climb, so it doesn't matter if you start climbing it as soon as it happens, or 3 years after. You are allowed to climb it, and you are allowed to get help to climb it. You can do this, we all know you can. You are absolutely allowed to start being upset, and get emotional help whenever you need it, for however long you need it.