How can I learn to trust again?
Last Updated: 11/17/2015 at 4:44pm
Ann Brooks, MSW, LICSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Thank you for your interest! I am a LICSW licensed in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I’m here to listen and I look forward to working with you.
Top Rated Answers
Trust is a very hard thing to gain, but you can gain it with people. Though it may seem hard or more easier said than done, trust is like going sky diving. You want to do it, you learn everything there is about skydiving (or trusting someone) and when it comes time to jump (or put trust in someone) you have to get the will power to just jump (or permit yourself to believe the person). The first few times will be hard, but over time the more you open up with someone and expose yourself the more easy it becomes to trust.
Learning to trust again is a really challenging thing, especially after being hurt by so many. Here's what I try to do. Let's pretend that trust is a numerical scale ranging from 0 - 10. 0 obviously means there is no trust towards that person, and they have 0 chance of ever gaining it again. 10 means that you trust this person as much as you can trust anyone. I'm not counting blind trust, because blindly trusting someone can lead to us getting hurt again. Basically, I give everyone I meet a 5 on the trust scale. The more trustworthy things they do, the more their trust ranking goes up, and if they do something to betray my trust, their trust rank goes down with each strike. But, what works for me, may not work for anyone else. Just remember that it's okay to trust people, but also be cautious of their actions towards you.
It is a very slow process. But I believe with the help of the right people and taking things step by step that it is possible. I have learned by slowly working towards having faith in people. Sometimes it starts as blind faith and it just flows.
Give an inch at a time. Vocalize your insecurities as it pertains to trust issues. Try to envision yourself trusting again and the joys it might bring. Think positive! Don't dwell on the past
Trust is something that is found in very different people for very different reasons. For me, the best way I found to trust again was to define what would make me trust a person again. I would also suggest seeing a local therapist so they can help you define and find these values.
Baby steps and healthy boundaries. Take your time to get to know people and trust your instincts over how much you share with people - don't rush it.
Trusting is a decision. If you love someone you have to trust. If it turns out that the person you've trusted isn't trustworthy than it's not your fault but theirs. Because they have to live with themselves, but not you. You can move on.
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