If I talk to a therapist about it, will they make me confront my abuser?
35 Answers
Last Updated: 09/07/2021 at 4:44pm
Moderated by
Elaine Kish, LMSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.
Top Rated Answers
No, they shouldn't. Therapists, in particular those who work with abuse, understand that confronting your abuser can make things worse. Their job is to support you, not to put you in situations where your wellbeing is at risk. If you wish to confront your abuser, they will support you in that, but they will not make you do so against your wish.
No therapist should ever try make you do anything ! Especially confront your abuser most would advice against it so you don't put yourself in a situation to be reabused by them
Your therapist will never do anything that you are not comfortable with. It is all up to what you feel you can do and what you cant do.
No one can MAKE you do anything, they might suggest that you do but then again maybe not. Each therapist is different, but ultimately they are there to help you and will not put you in an unsafe position
Anonymous
November 11th, 2014 2:20am
No they will not. It would go against the privacy that you have with your therapist. Your therapist will help you to overcome the issues that you are struggling with and help you to move forward. They will not bring your abuser into this.
Sometimes a therapist will want you to confront your abuser, but only if they think it will help you. However, they will not force you to do anything you don't want to.
A therapist will never force you into an action that you are not ready to take ..... they are there to help guide you through your issues ... You should always feel able to open up to a therapist and if they try to make you do something you are not ready for, they will likely damage any help or trust they've already built up with you. Please be assured, therapists are there to help you , not hurt you.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2017 2:46pm
No, they will not make you do anything. They are just there to help you with your problems and make you feel better
Anonymous
April 15th, 2015 9:46pm
A therapist would never MAKE you confront your abuser. They would only assist you if you chose to confront your abuser. However, in the US if you're under 18, they are required to report any abuse to authorities. So keep that in mind. However, if you're older and the abuse is current, they will help you find ways to manage the situation or help you get out of the situation if you desire.
A therapist will never make you do anything that you are not comfortable with. They are there to help you through what you are going through.
Absolutely not! That is no part of therapy for people who have been abused, since that would not help you and could be unsafe. They will do what is best for you!
No,I'm sure your therapist will completely understand your situation and do what's best to help you out.
A good therapist will never make you do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you want to confront your abuser, the therapist will help you find a way to do that. If you don't want to do that, the therapist will also help you find a way to heal from the abuse. Good luck, friend.
Anonymous
January 24th, 2017 4:55am
Absolutely not. Your therapeutic experience should make you feel safe. It is critical that you feel confident that you can share those powerful emotions without being fearful or subjected to additional abuse. If you are a minor or in danger, you will be supported as he or she finds the best way to help you if the abuse is ongoing.
They wouldn't do that. It's unethical and harmful to you under most circumstances. I wouldn't want to be thrust back into a room with the; with the control dyanimics and everything else, it sounds petrifying. That decision would be up to you.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2014 5:11am
The therapist is there for you. You won't be put in a situation that could be a potential danger or where you feel highly uncomfortable.
No! Every choice that you make in therapy is totally and completely up to you. Your therapist can make suggestions and offer advice until they are blue in the face, but whatever you decide is completely your decision.
Sometimes in therapy it can help to talk about the abuse without confronting who abused you, or you may find it helpful to write a letter and never send it, or to talk to an empty chair imagining that they are sitting in it. There are so many different ways of healing without having to talk to your abuser - and even if you did want to talk to your abuser, your therapist could help you out with that too.
They can't make you do anything, for starters -- only you can make your choices. However, the only reason I can think someone might suggest you confront your abuser is if they are a) likely not aware that they are abusing you and b) likely to want to change their behavior once they are confronted about it. While 'a' is not uncommon, 'b' is more rare.
Besides, the reason you are in therapy is to help yourself -- so I think most therapists will be helping you figure out how to either deal with or, when possible, leave the abusive situation and heal from the trauma.
Therapists are there to support you, if you want to confront your abuser that can be a goal they help you reach, but they will never force you to do anything. They are on your side, they want the best for you. Their job is to help you process the abuse, deal with any resulting issues, and just overall help you on your journey of healing. So no, they won't force you to confront your abuser, they won't even force you to talk about it if you don't want to. Not talking about it at all would be counter productive, but they want you to heal and they will go at your pace.
No. As the client, the counsellor/therapist's role is to help provide insight into feelings, emotions or problems you have identified. They should never give direction/advice that way.
The counsellor/therapist should help set expectations for your sessions, you could frame this straight away: "I do not want to confront my abuser".
When you are looking for a counsellor/therapist, see if they share their credentials. A fully trained counsellor will share their level of education, the licencing they hold for the state/country, explain how they work, and what type of counselling theories they use. A fully trained and licenced counsellor/therapist should navigate your needs appropriately.
Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions about how to find a counsellor/therapist.
Anonymous
September 7th, 2021 4:44pm
No, a therapist will not make you confront your abuser. A therapist will discuss with you your wants and needs, as well as review with you the consequences that confronting your abuser may have, so that you can take an informed decision on if this is the right decision for you. If you ever come to the decision that confronting your abuser is the best for you, then your therapist will support you in doing so. This support will be emotional as well more practical. Emotional in the sense that your therapist will listen to your feelings leading to and after the confrontation, and help you cope. Practical in the sense that your therapist may teach you some communication methodologies, help you find the words that you want to tell your abuser, and help you review how you will proceed.
It depends on the situation, really. If they feel it necessary to confront the abuser based on your own feelings on it, then they may give you the option to confront them. Otherwise, I don't think so.
A therapist will never make you do anything you don't want to do, and generally, they will not make you confront an abuser on your own because they can't anticipate how your abuser will react or guarantee your safety. Generally a therapist will give you the resources to ensure your safety, such as contact info for a battered women's shelter or a contact at the police department who can help you get a restraining order. If they feel that intervention is necessary, which is very rare, they will have the abuser and you present in their office so they can mediate. But since they cannot guarantee your safer outside of the office, they generally will not do this.
A therapist will (or should) never make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with. They should be there to help you find the right path for you, not force you to do what they think you should do.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2014 12:26pm
Talking to a therapist is probably the best thing to do when you want to confront your abuser. Please reach out for help when you need too.
Not necessarily, they will generally work with you to identify what course of action will help you to personally move forward from your experience. Sometimes this can take the form of confrontation, but not always. Your solutions will be tailored to your experiences/ desires for the future/ and needs for closure.
No. They will help you come to a place where hopefully you'll be able to. They will help you confront yourself, and how to leave the situation. A therapist cannot make you do anything you are not comfortable with.
Some therapist may ask if you want to confront your abuser as part of the healing process but in most cases no, because it would cause more harm to you. Now mental they will ask you to confront your abuser because it is part of coming to closure with what has happened to you and giving you better tools to deal with the situations in the future. All of it is done when you are ready to let it happen.
No they will not. A therapist will not make you do anything besides discuss your feelings and emotions. Confronting your abuser could potentially put you in more danger, if a therapist feels like you are in danger they will take matters into their own hands by telling the police, you don't have to do a thing.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2014 3:17pm
I don't think they will. Tell your therapist you're not comfortable with confrontation and that you just need someone to talk to. Make sure they know you're adamant about not confronting the abuser.
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