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Who do I get over the feeling of wanting to hurt someone, who hurt me?

11 Answers
Last Updated: 05/16/2021 at 5:37pm
Who do I get over the feeling of wanting to hurt someone, who hurt me?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Evelyn Coker, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Disabilities
March 24th, 2015 7:03am
Though the desire to have someone feel the anger or hurt that they have caused you is very tempting sometimes, it is only a temporary salve that will not make you feel any better in the long run. Whenever I feel like this, I'm reminded of a quote which goes 'Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace', which is very true!
December 12th, 2017 9:22pm
I make that decision clearly and quickly. Tit for tat can for from blow for blow fairly quickly. My truth is that I won't always get an apology, but it's not my problem. Once I have been hurt to the point that I want to hurt back, I need to walk away for as long as it takes -perhaps forever. My future will not be as bright with dirt on my conscience. They can sleep on that muddy pillow.
July 15th, 2018 10:35pm
I don't know, but I am in the same boat. I was molested as a child by people who I thought was supposed to take care of me. I was always wonder why I was so suicidal all the time and depress, until I was able to come out to my therapist. It's created a lot of problems between my dad and I. I can't cope with the anger and pain.
- Expert in Disabilities
April 21st, 2015 7:50am
Forgiveness. Letting go. Understanding that hurting them wont help you. Understanding that hurting people hurt people.
- Expert in Disabilities
June 25th, 2018 10:55am
Revenge does not take away your personal pain, thinking of it just takes away from your ability to move on so in a sense you are punishing yourself.
September 4th, 2017 10:45pm
Realizing that holding onto the hurt is also hurting you as well. You don't have to forgive and forget, but you have to know when enough is enough and simply let go.
March 30th, 2015 5:19am
All actions cause reactions whether they are positive or negative. In life we must move on in order to thrive
May 26th, 2015 7:53am
How do i get over the feeling og wanting to hurt someone, who hurt me? I just learn to accept with time that this person doesnt deserve to have me in his life anymore and that i am better off without him. But once i get the feeling of taking my revenge, i realise i dont have to fall to his level and i simply move on. :)
May 16th, 2021 5:37pm
First of all I am sorry to know that you were hurt, we all know how terrible it is to struggle from false accusations or unfriendly intentions, it’s totally understandable that you have the feeling of wanting to hurt back the people who hurt you before. But also I think it’s important to let you know that forgiving isn’t a sign of being soft or something wrong like you thought it might be. Forgiving means you’re free from the old nightmares you’ve suffered and you’re growing into a more matured man. Revenge may sounds like a cool choice but what price you two will take after that? Only the endless fights and worse endings you’ll eventually regret. Accept not everyone is nice and recognize their features, learn to socialize/deal with these kind of people and keep yourself away from meaningless wars. When someone gave you scars, you can draw stars around them.
August 14th, 2015 5:20am
Hurting someone else is never the answer. If they hurt you and you are defending yourself, maybe then. If someone hurt you and you're not defending yourself, it's best to tell someone that can do something about the person that hurt you.
September 20th, 2015 7:24am
That could be difficult. Especially when you have been hurt. Its easy to want to feel that you need to seek revenge. Perhaps talking to a trusted person about your feelings could help. Not everyone is the same. So you need to find what works for you.