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Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?

193 Answers
Last Updated: 01/27/2022 at 9:58pm
Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?
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Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
July 29th, 2016 5:38am
You most certainly are and are worthy of and deserve to get the help you need to heal. For many people it takes a while to come to terms with and process the trauma of emotional abuse so a delayed reaction like yours is not at all abnormal.
August 1st, 2016 9:07am
There are different kinds of abuse and it has often been said that the one abuse that is harder to overcome and deal with is emotional abuse. With physical abuse a broken leg or arm or bruise heals, but with emotional abuse, its an unseen abuse, that wounds at a very deep level that takes time to heal. Sometimes it may never be completely possible for something to stop hurting, but the degree in which it does certainly can change.
December 9th, 2017 7:19am
Emotional abuse is not the same as physical abuse. Emotional abuse can leave unseen scars for a great deal of time. They can have triggers that draw them out. Another way they can suddenly come about is an aware-like awaking. An example of this would include the person not seeing the situation for what it was when it happened and even after. In that case, the person may never have gotten over what happened to them as they were, in their minds, getting over something else or nothing at all. At any rate, it is always okay to seek help. You do not need any "valid" reason. Getting help has been so negatively stigmatized over the years that many feel they have to hide it. Truth is, many psychologists and even psychiatrists have sought help. I actually feel that at least one "check up" should be done a year as a persons mental/emotional health should be kept in check as much as ones physical health is. Especially considering just how much a persons mental/emotional health can either negatively or positively affect a persons physical health and overall well-being.
November 25th, 2017 6:55pm
You are allowed to be upset and get help for any type of abuse, whenever you are able and willing to reach. Pain has no time limits, and neither does healing. You can always get better.
January 19th, 2018 12:50am
Yes! There isn't any time limit on when you can get help. I've spoken with people who have gotten therapy after 30 years of coping with things on their own! :)
April 7th, 2018 4:20am
yes of course you are, emotional abuse is after all emotional and you still feel it long after it happens.
April 8th, 2018 9:56am
Yes. You are absolutely allowed to. It may have been a long time since it happened but it doesn't mean it'll stop affecting you emotionally and physically. Time is a healer, for sure. But not without efforts. Please try to get some help to overcome this, you don't have to be alone. Love. xX
June 8th, 2018 2:07am
Of course! You always deserve help no matter what. Granted, it is better and more helpful when someone can do something immediately after it happened. But, regardless, if you want the help, you absolutely deserve it and no matter what, you have every right to feel the way you do.
October 30th, 2020 9:50am
Of course, you are. There is no such definite time slot when it comes to abuses and emotions. I have always believed human emotions to be one of the most complex theories, even more complex than rocket science. Few people express them, few deny, few bury them deep down into their sub-conscious. When it's too much/overwhelming for the brain to handle, these erupt out like some volcano. I believe, that may be the case with you. May be you haven't 'dealt' with it timely, may be you have tried to bury them, may be it was a defence mechanism by your brain. Whatever the reason is, it is absolutely reasonable to be upset over it even after a long time of it happening. Never try to invalidate your emotions, just feel them and deal with it or let it go. Your choice, but invalidation of the emotions is harmful.
September 25th, 2016 7:16am
Yes. I would leave it at "yes" but there is a 100 word minimum. It does not matter if the abuse happened today or ten years ago - you have a right to your feelings whatever they may be. I hope so much you can begin to heal and receive help.
June 30th, 2017 6:04pm
Absolutely. Unresolved trauma can affect you for years. You should definitely get help for anything that is causing you pain in your life. Whether that's trauma from your past or things that are happening right now, you never have to justify your feelings to anyone. You're allowed to feel anything that you feel!! I hope you get some help soon and find some peace (:
October 17th, 2017 4:00pm
Dear it is totally fine to feel like that. Many get abused but there are many people who see the effects of these abusing later on in their lives. It's perfectly normal. Do not feel awkward about this. And about getting help part, yes you could and you should. Wish you all the luck and happy life dear. :)
November 2nd, 2017 10:47pm
Yes of course! And it totally doesn't matter why it's been taking 3 years. Once my therapist told me that the soul just allows bad memories to come up when it is ready for them. It is never too late to start working on something and you will always have a right to get help. Nobody should be left alone.
November 23rd, 2017 11:44am
of course, sometimes we don't realise we were emotionally abused until long time after it happened; or we feel the result of this abuse after some time... so it's totally normal to seek help just now... And it's 100% ok to start being upset even 3 years after...
November 24th, 2017 9:03pm
Of course!!! As you grow you realize how you were treated. And maybe your brain shut out the pain and is ready to work through the abuse. It might be a sign that your body is ready to face the problem head on and ready to get help.
January 9th, 2018 11:09am
we all heal at our own time so it's very important to acknowledge that you have emotional pain and start working through a plan to become happy and healthy.
February 16th, 2018 7:04am
The answer is Yes, you are allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional 3 years after it happened. There is no necessity that you have to upset exactly after that happened. I felt myself that whenever something wrong happens I get numb to the situation later I feel upset.. So there are situation later on when you are triggered to do grief over a situation and are allowed to get help. No matter when, but in short there is nothing wrong to get help early or soon!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 13th, 2017 6:35am
Yes!! Often we suppress our emotions and feelings as a way to protect ourselves from the things causing us pain. It is never to late let these out. If we keep them trapped we can never truly heal.
December 14th, 2017 5:54pm
Most definitely. Sometimes it takes a lot of time before we realize we have been in an emotional abuse situation. Plus sometimes we carry guilt for allowing ourselves in that situation. Getting help at any time is the right time for you.
December 23rd, 2017 12:31am
Asking for help is always allowed. Feeling abused has nothing to do with time and asking for help has to do with your feelings and when you feel ready to talk about it with another person.
January 14th, 2018 7:30pm
Its never too late to get help for abuse. Though it may seem that you are already so far removed from the issue, the memories and emotions that can crop up as a result of the abuse, no matter how many years later, should be dealt with so that they can't harm you anymore.
January 27th, 2018 8:08pm
Absolutely, yes. You are allowed to feel upset and seek help for a difficult experience even 50 years later. You may find it difficult to see the benefit in seeking help now since you have survived these three year, but it is never too late to begin healing. You deserve support no matter when you start feeling upset. Emotions don't follow a strict timeline. Being aware of how you feel now and considering getting help are very important steps that you have already made.
February 9th, 2018 8:55am
Yes of course, it is never too late to start getting help if you are upset. Sometimes emotions can take a while to surface. Allowing yourself to be upset and reaching out for help is okay
February 9th, 2018 10:26am
Yes definitely. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to deal with such a traumatic event. Reaching out is the first step of getting the help you need
February 28th, 2018 12:51am
Yes, you're allowed that sometimes it takes awhile to process it and accept it, everyone has different ''time zones'' for that sort of thing. I'm glad you recognized it in yourself
March 1st, 2018 3:28pm
Of course. If you feel troubled about any experiences that you have had in the past then you can always reach out for help. Doesn't matter when you've had them.
March 8th, 2018 4:09pm
you can get upset long after abuse has happened and there is no time limit on asking for help you ask whenever you feel you’re ready
March 28th, 2018 4:06pm
Of course you are! It's never too late to denounce. Everyone had their own time. It's never too late and never soon.
March 31st, 2018 5:05pm
Of course! And I'm really glad you are looking for help. Sometimes we burry those hard feelings very deep inside so it takes a long time for them to come out. It can be confusing after such a time but you deserve to be happy again. Wish you all the best :)
April 4th, 2018 3:02pm
Of course you can! If it makes you feel any better, I'm still decompartmentalizing abuse from over 30 years ago. Just take it one day at a time and you'll do okay.