Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?
199 Answers
Last Updated: 05/21/2023 at 1:00am
Moderated by
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
Licensed Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2020 12:34am
Of course, you're allowed to feel upset about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can cause really deep emotional scars and it's normal to feel that pain 3 (or even more) years after. You have every right to get the help you need to deal and process that abuse, whether it be through talking to a close confidant or reaching out to a therapist. It's better for your mental health to let out your frustrations and express them to others than to hold them in and let that pain build up. One of the first steps to recovery is to address the pains that you experience and learning to process them.
Seeking help for past traumas is always a good thing as that severe emotional abuse can contribute to low self-esteem and depression in the long term. The time lapse between the emotional abuse and therapy should be short but the victim may not be prepared to share their feelings or even talk about the abuses. Usually the victim of emotional abuse need time to process the hurt before being ready to talk about it objectively. Do seek help for any troubling behaviours or thoughts that you may have. Do not try to tackle these alone. Identify supportive people and tools to assist you to untangle from your emotional wounds.Never give up on yourself.
There’s never a “right timeâ€. Your emotions don’t have a time table. That’s why it’s so important to get help when you are ready. If you’re ready now go and get the help you need. You have every right to be upset and in pain. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and the hurt you’ve been through. For some people it might take days to get help, others it might be years. Some may never be able to talk about their trauma. What’s important is that you recognized that maybe talking to somebody may help you.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2020 5:50am
It is okay whenever you realize it. It is the beginning of acceptance on one's part. Sometimes we just repress the emotions that feel unpleasant to us and keep on going forward. Though it makes you feel that everything is okay, not acknowledging emotional abuse is like ignoring the elephant in the room. By choosing to be blind to the abuse, you are not able to be an objective judge of the situation and thus get more embroiled in a situation which is not good for you. It is good to realize this, no matter when the realization comes. Some lessons take time. If you are asking for help, it means you are acknowledging the issue head on now. Its a start to becoming your whole self again.
Abuse is something that deeply affects someone for life. Yiu have every right to seek support 3 years later, even 10. What matters is that you recognise that you need help and that you want to free yourself of this abuse that keeps affecting you. I reached out for emotional abuse 3 years later too so it's nothing strange and you are not alone. Emotional abuse, like any other form of abuse is traumatic, especially in childhood but not only. It can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD and many other disorders. And all those need professional help. The sooner the better but it's never too late.
Anonymous
September 4th, 2020 4:49pm
Yes! You are it's never too late to express feelings and trying to get help from them. It's not uncommon for people to do that. It just means they are ready to talk about it. Most people can't talk about it right after it happens because it triggers memories they can't control and it puts them in a panic state. And most people think they are the only ones but you aren't alone. No one is ever ever alone. There are people just like you that went through the same stuff. Just keep that in mind when your sad
you're allowed to be upset and get help for abuse that happened to you at any point in time in your life. maybe at the time, you couldn't even identify it as 'abuse' but now that you have, it is okay to be upset about it and the fact that you're getting help is great- not all of us are strong enough to own up what has happened and i'm proud of you for speaking up about it. don't let other's opinions affect you, because only you have lived through your life and you have every right to be upset about an injustice done to you.
It is never too late to get help for anything in your life. Some people may hold back because they feel uncomfortable reaching out for help, but it is safe to say that the sooner you reach out the more benefit you will get out of it. If you are ever unsure or don't feel comfortable, try starting by reaching out to a close family member or friend. This may be a great way to start and if you feel that there help isn't enough, you can reach out to a professional. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about reaching out.
Yes, you are allowed to feel upset. Sometimes individuals do not realize the situation they are in until after. It is okay to feel upset even after 3 years. Getting help for emotional abuse after year is completely normal. At times, when individuals began to realize the situation they were in, they began to feel the need to open up to someone once they are fully over the situation. Even after 3 years, it is never too late to seek for help or consulation. Sometimes we need let things out to someone we trust in order to fully let go.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2020 3:36pm
Yes 100%, sometimes we don't feel like we can be upset about a situation when it happens, it may not be safe to do at the time. You are perfectly valid in your emotions, and you are totally allowed to get help for something that you've experienced in the past. It doesn't matter how long it's been, if you feel like getting help will help you then that's your decision. Getting help is a good step to take in any situation, and speaking from experience, being emotionally abused can really mess you up after a while. I know that when I got help it was something that I wish I had done sooner.
There is no singular mould for how any one should cope with their problems. There is not one straight road to recovery. Everyone deals with their trauma's in different ways. For me as well, getting help 10 years after an event took place. You can get help for your emotional abuse whenever you want, even if it would be 40 years after it happened. Do whatever feels right to you, and especially remind yourself of how strong you are for getting yourself the help you need. It's a difficult path to take, but in the end you will come out stronger.
Anonymous
October 7th, 2020 6:03pm
From my personal experience, I believe that sometimes when we suffer trauma or abuse, we don't always recognize the effects of the trauma or abuse right away. That is why I believe a person should always give themselves permission to feel however they feel in the moment, and to allow themselves to seek help for it, whenever they feel that help is needed. Our emotions are unbounded by time, time is merely a form of temporal organization we impose on our lives, but that doesn't mean our emotions always organize themselves relative to time. If 3 years has passed and you don't feel right about what happened, or, what happened is negatively impacting your life, it is never too late to seek help for it.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2020 7:00am
Of course you are, there is no limit to how long it takes to register the trauma and pain of being abused. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and take all the time you need to process them. Do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist or anybody here on seven cups. There are many forums and group discussions that are aimed at people who have been emotionally abused. Remember that everybody heals in different ways and it is totally normal to be numb to how you feel until years after the trauma. I hope that you get the help you need, stay safe!
Absolutely. Everyone processes emotions and feelings differently. Especially when it comes to trauma and abuse that you had no control over. There is no wrong time to process how you feel. Life isn't a race and there is no shame in taking longer or going faster in the process. Getting help would be a very good idea and path to take. Time may heal all wounds, but there will be scars, sometimes. The best thing about life is knowing that you can start over each day. Emotional abuse and memories of it can be downright awful. Getting help is always a great option to pursue. It helps you become the best you that you can be.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2020 12:47am
Of course, Any emotional trauma can take time to fully heal or at least feel better and yourself again. If you never fully processed the trauma you are 100% more than allowed to start the healing process. What you are feeling is totally okay and time and getting help will help you start to feel better and cope with the trauma you went through. By getting the help you need and starting to fully process what you went through you will slowly but surely start to feel better. I wish you a well recovery and you will get through this.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2020 2:24am
Of course you are! You should always ask for help as soon as you are comfortable with doing so, whether that be immediately after an incident or ten years later. Being upset is natural and normal, and frankly, you should be upset. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Just the fact that you have found the strength to tell your story is so much by itself. Good luck getting help, and please do so! It'll do so more for you than you think. If you want to chat, I'm always here, and so are the hundreds of thousands of listeners on this website.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2020 6:06pm
Hello! It takes a lot of strength to reach out, so be proud! Honestly speaking, it definitely is allowed to do so. Why? There are hundreds of reasons, if not more. Think of it this way: you got injured, but the injury didn't heal after quite a while (it could be that you felt numb or too overwhelmed at first to notice the pain of the injury, was unsure regarding reaching out, etc.). This injury still hurts and hasn't fully healed—should you go to the doctor or not? You should. Your feelings are completely valid and are indicators of our states. If you haven't 'healed' and started feeling upset, you should get help (even if it's after a long time. There's nothing shameful about it at all). I'm not saying this out of 'kindness' either; sometimes the hurt settles in late or doesn't go away until later, and some other times we aren't able to get ourselves to reach out.
You are absolutely allowed to feel whatever feelings whenever you feel them about any kind of abuse. The time it takes to process our feelings about these things varies from person to person, and sometimes your personal growth will lead you to identify things that were abusive you may not have realized before. When recovering from abuse, the timeline is whatever it is for you. It's yours, not anyone else's.
Getting help goes along the same lines. There's never a wrong time to get help and never a wrong time to need it. When you feel you need support, it's the right time. Don't let anyone tell you different. I'm glad you're taking care of you
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 7:22am
It is never to late to get help. Only you can decide when the time is right! Whenever you are ready to talk about what you have been through know that help will be there. The fact that you are asking yourself this now is a good sign that you are ready to move forward and get the assistance you need. You are in charge of your feelings and you know what you are ready to talk about. There will never be a right or wrong time to seek help! You will know when the time comes and the resources you need will be there for you.
Of course you can, being upset anytime after an event is normal. Sometimes feelings come or build up over time and can hit you years later, it Is okay to be upset it is natural and sometimes after things happen it doesn't feel right to get help and later it does this is normal and everyone is an individual and it is positive that you feel ready to get help it's a step forward on your journey of healing. Why did you feel you weren't allowed to get help? I hope you feel a bit better after this response?
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 3:12pm
Yes! Any kind of abuse, especially emotional abuse, takes time to come to terms with and recognize your thoughts and feelings about it. It is very hard to reach out for help, and three years after it happened is still a relatively short period of time between the abuse and reaching out for help. It is a very strong and bold step towards healing and I for one am very proud of you for taking that step. You are very strong for trying to grow and heal from the emotional abuse that you suffered. I am sorry someone treated you that way, and I am very happy you are starting to heal, because choosing to feel those emotions of upsetness are very hard to deal with at times.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 3:33pm
There is no time limit for seeking help. Even more so, It's commendable for you to seek help. It must have been difficult to bear it for three years.
If you seek help, there will surely be those who will asist you without questions. You shouldn't blame yourself for not speaking up earlier. The one in most difficulty is you. Nobody should blame you, neither should you blame yourself.
Overcoming your past is always arduous. Even ages after its healed, scars can still ache and their mark never disapear. So if you are still suffering from its effect, there is no one rejecting you from seeking help. Rather, it's your right to seek help.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2021 10:06pm
Yes, it's completely normal, because sometimes at the moment we are so used to the abuse that we never realize what's happening and even if you may feel that it is already "too late", let me tell you that every person deserves to feel good and get help and it's never too late to ask for help. If you do, you are already taking a huge step forward in a way, to feel better and you really should be proud of yourself.
I know that sometimes asking for help or finding the right therapist is not easy but once you find it, you will feel better. I hope the best for you.
You can be upset at any point of abuse - whether it is at the moment it happens or years later. When experiencing abuse, our idea of freedom and self-entitlement becomes distorted. We can be made to feel undeserving of expressing our pain or even be labelled as overdramatic. Remember, we are always entitled to embrace our emotions and expressing our pain.
Abuse is complex and the effects of it can stay with the victim years after it has happened. This is linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Repressing this and locking it away leaves us with unhealed trauma. It is definitely worth addressing this and getting professional help.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2021 2:41am
Absolutely, abuse is so complicated. Sometimes it starts affecting you long after the abuse. It sounds like you maybe had some time to realize how the abuse affected you. I’ve been in a similar situation. You are always allowed to have feeling and reach out for help. I’m proud of you for reaching out. You are so brave and worthy. Why do you feel you shouldn’t be getting help processing abuse? Have you reached out to any therapists? The main thing I want to say is that no one can tell you what you what you went through. I believe you.
You are allowed to get help for emotional abuse whenever you want. You have a right to feel upset about it, and you may seek help anytime, be it three days after it happened, three years, or three decades. Don't let anyone tell you that you should just "get over it," because you decide when you want to get over an event where you felt and was emotionally abused. You aren't causing a fuss, you're sticking up for yourself and letting yourself get the support you need by asking for help. If you're feeling upset about the event 3 years after it happened, it doesn't make your feelings invalid.
Yes of course! if it is still impacting you to the point where you still want to get help then that is perfectly valid and you should do so. Emotions don't work to a schedule and it is never too late to start working through trauma caused by emotional abuse or anything else. Sometimes, people may not feel upset at the time of it happening because they might not notice it occurring or the shock of it means you don't process those emotions properly. Your feelings about any situation is valid no matter how long it has been since it occurred.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2021 10:51am
It is totally allowed and normal to be upset about abuse that happened 3 years ago or even 15 years ago! This just shows that you did not process your feelings when the abuse happened and that's OK, it's allowed. Don't beat yourself up about it because abuse is traumatic and can be very destructive. Also remember, wellness is a process and so is healing so give yourself time to feel your emotions and the time it takes is totally up to you. Getting help is a good step to take and it will help you in your healing journey. All the best!
Anonymous
August 20th, 2021 11:30am
Absolutely, we are only human, we need support and to be gentle with our healing. When you feel comfortable talking about the things you are facing, then feel free to share with those you can confide in. Sometimes this process can take time and has alot involved in it, but It is a testament to your strength as person that you have been able to get through this, and you will strive on heal and begin to move forward. Any progress in these steps is still progress no matter how small. What I would ask in this situation, is how do you wish to move forward?
Anonymous
July 14th, 2021 2:04am
Of course you are. Many times, we are only affected by things months and even years down the line. Psychological trauma has deep seated roots that extend through time if they are left untreated. We see this most often with children - an untreated wound causes severe ramifications later in life. For this reason, you are not only allowed, rather, you should get help for the emotional abuse you went through there years ago. NOT doing so would be a disservice to you and those that depend on you. Back to the question: you are not only allowed, but entitled.
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