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Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?

172 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2021 at 1:53am
Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
November 20th, 2017 8:03am
Of course you are allowed! not only are you allowed but you are encouraged to get support and help for your emotional abuse regardless of how long ago it took place
September 26th, 2018 10:15pm
You are most definitely allowed to seek help for emotional abuse at any time. The duration of the abuse or the time since is not important. What is important is that you get the help and support you need to be able to move on in your life. Addressing emotional abuse, or any kind of abuse will be difficult and painful, but there is no better time than the present. The longer you wait and hold onto it, the more damage you will continually endure. Seeking help is a great first step to becoming freed from your past traumas.
November 1st, 2018 4:38pm
I would rather say that you HAVE the RIGHT to get upset. We are humans after all, and getting upset won't make you a bad person, on the contrary you're expressing yourself, and it's natural. You don't need anyone to allow you to feel anything. You're free to feel and no one has the right to control how you're feeling. Start first by understanding the situation and identifying your feelings regarding the impact caused by this emotional abuse. 3 years is quite long, and long enough to affect you. Second, consider reading about your condition and focus on your goal which is to move on and heal. It may require a lot of time and efforts to rebuild yourself, but it's worth trying hard.
November 2nd, 2018 2:27pm
Of course. It is very common for people to not begin to feel reactions to abuse until many years later--sometimes even decades later-- because many of us block out and/or disassociate as a survival mechanism during the abuse. Because of this, it is also common to not be ready to ask for or receive help right away. Healing needs to take place in your own time, and will "work" only when you are ready to ask for help, to trust the person you are asking to respect your vulnerability, and when you're ready to put in the work that it takes to heal. It isn't easy, but it's never too late to ask for help, and it's never too late to heal.
November 28th, 2018 6:09pm
There is no time limit on hurt, and you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling whenever you feel it. Getting help to cope with the aftermath of emotional abuse is a healthy, productive and wise way to start to move forward. You don’t want to be stuck in feelings from the past. Remember, there is never a time limit on pain, and only you get to decide what you feel. Emotional abuse can leave scars that last a lifetime, unless we take positive steps to heal. Give yourself permission to be upset, grieve, reach out for help, or whatever else you need to do to move forward in your life.
December 6th, 2018 11:15pm
Yes! Abuse can hurt for a while. And the healing process can start when ever. If you have the feeling that you need help or if you are still hurting then the feeling is still valid. No matter if it happened yesterday or 20 years ago. I think that reaching out for help would be a really good idea. It can help a lot.
January 26th, 2019 4:32am
You are absolutely "allowed" to identify the issues and emotional injuries caused by abuse you suffered many years after the fact. Sometimes it takes a while for us to move past denial's protective layers to a point where we can see the parts that need to be repaired. We need to own that healing process. While the abuser may not understand why it's still bothering you, if they care for you in a meaningful way, they will still see the value in your dealing with your hurt, whenever it is that it needs to happen. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
February 8th, 2019 1:56pm
Of course! Everyone experiences things very differently: some of us are able to tackle a crisis and its side effects head-on, while some lock it away to not deal with it, to move on. Both are equally valid, but it is important to that if you start being upset later on, it does not take away your right to deal with emotion. In fact, it is probably the case that help is even more necessary. I myself used to bottle things up a lot, but letting things out, allowing the people around me to know they have caused me pain, felt good regardless of whether it was five minutes after arguments, or a few months afterwards.
March 3rd, 2019 11:28am
Yes, you are allow to start getting help for emotional abuse and should be proud of yourself for having the courage to seek out help. I have endure emotional abuse for over seven years of my life with someone that lived with my family. you have nothing to be ashamed of it and honestly is emotionally intelligent to do so. I was not able to admitted to have been a victim of this type of abuse. You can be an inspiration for other (if you are comfortable with being an advocate) and taking away the power from the person that subjected you to this abuse.
April 26th, 2019 1:48am
Indeed, you are not "allowed" but instead you have a right to to do it. People have lived with traumas for many years before seeking help or justice. Depending on your country legislation, legally there is a limit but there is no limit in trying to get help from people, from friends, or counsellors etc. If you have not yet made peace with that issue you can always search for help, there is no limit in years, just try to seek help again and again with others or yourself. It is helpful to "forget" but the human mind does not have buttons or switches to do that at a single "press", so it takes time for people to make peace with their traumas.
June 2nd, 2019 12:10am
Of course you are. Each person is different and reacts differently to situations. Your life is your own and no one has the right to tell you when and how you deal with anything you go through. You may not of been ready to talk about the abuse or ask for help or even acknowledge it, that is perfectly OK, you go at your own speed and what feels right to you. You have every right to feel all the emotions, the anger, the sadness, the numbness, you have experienced a trauma and it is absolutely understandable to feel all of this, regardless how long ago it happened
June 7th, 2019 6:43am
Of course. your feelings are valid no matter how late you experience them. It’s never too late to seek help, no matter what the issue is. You’re emotions matter. I even encourage you to find a listener, and if you feel up to it, I could be that listener. and if not, I can definitely supply you with sources. (i.e.: hotlines, chatrooms, therapists in your area, and psychiatrists I know). and I’m terribly sorry for your situation, even if it was quite a time ago. Good luck, you’re worth it and i’m proud of you for even considering reaching out.
July 27th, 2019 12:52am
Of course! There isn't a time limit on when you are or aren't allowed to get help. There isn't an expiration date on feelings or emotions. You are allowed to feel what you feel, when you feel it. Recovery from emotional abuse is a huge mountain to climb, so it doesn't matter if you start climbing it as soon as it happens, or 3 years after. You are allowed to climb it, and you are allowed to get help to climb it. You can do this, we all know you can. You are absolutely allowed to start being upset, and get emotional help whenever you need it, for however long you need it.
August 28th, 2019 8:41pm
Absolutely! Regardless of how much time has passed from a difficult situation, if you haven't yet had the chance to grieve and work through your feelings properly, then the pain might feel as fresh and real as if the harmful event happened yesterday. With this in mind, still having the desire to address it and to heal is a powerful indicator that you are willing to work through your suffering. It's genuinely never too late to start seeking the help you need to help you move towards a happier place in life. Especially because you never know what amazing things you might learn along the way!
September 20th, 2019 7:55pm
Absolutely yes. Emotional abuse can cause severe traumas, and trauma healing needs its time, and the path your head needs to follow is sacred, no one should make you feel not allowed to validate your feelings. The road to recovery could start with days, months or even years of denial and/or emotional detachment from what happened. Probably, until now, those events and the feelings were too painful to be remembered and re-lived entirely, so the trauma processing, the upsetting and everything, didn't even start. Now, after 3 years, it's "safer" and more bearable to remember and process the emotions, and they're pouring out. It's really common, believe me, totally normal amongst abuse survivors. It took me 5 years to understand that I was abused, and it was pretty evident, but I was in complete denial. That doesn't mean that pain was not there or that it's not allowed now, since it's late. You can't schedule appointments with your emotions, sadly, and they come when they have to. No point in trying to dismiss them or scold them because they're late. They probably followed the path that they thought best for you. It's never too late to start looking for help, and you're definitely welcome to :)
October 13th, 2019 5:44pm
You're allowed to feel whatever you feel when you feel it. No one has ownership over our feelings except us. In a way, feelings are like sneezes. They happen. It's foolish to try to control the feeling itself. It's what we do with them, our awareness and acceptance, how we cope and grow, that is what matters. Of course you are allowed to be upset. You're allowed to be okay sometimes too. You're allowed to be all over the place emotionally. And it's ok that it's not ok. You're not alone. 7cups has a great trauma community. Check it out if you want and share your story safely. (: Love yourself and be well, even if that means not being well from time to time.
November 21st, 2019 12:49am
Yes you are the right belongs to you. I hope you feel better within time. Everybody should be able to show how they feel and it doesn't matter how long ago the event was. I have sympathy for you and I pray that you get better and overcome life's obstacle. You are a champion, an overachiever, and I believe in you. I know you can make it through this tough time right know. You are so strong and its okay to let go of your anger everybody needs to eventually Stay strong, hope for the best and lastly forgive everybody.
November 22nd, 2019 5:56am
No matter if it is an incident of past, if anything is still disturbing you, it is all the more reason to acknowledge it and come out of it . It is always is always the right time to get any sort of help. Sometimes we are not mature enough to understand or aware of the resources from where to seek help or scared with emotions of fear, embarrassment, etc and we may choose to try to ignore the incident Deeply buried unpleasant incidents, if not addressed properly, can lead to various psychosomatic issues which we are even not aware of consciously.
December 20th, 2019 4:36pm
Yes. You are a victim and it doesn’t matter when you tell someone or get help. Even if it years after it happens you can still get help as you should. Geting help is the best thing out can do. It can take some of the pain away. You no longer have to hide that you where abused.
December 22nd, 2019 3:37am
Absolutely. You do not need permission to feel or to get help. The fact that you are seeking out help for an issue that was in the past shows tremendous effort. Confronting your past can be hard, but your future self will thank you. Lose yourself in the joy and hardships of recovering. It's okay to fall again because you can always begin again, and sometimes the requires seeking others help. That's okay. It is easier said than done, but don't have hard feelings towards yourself. There are better things up ahead for you and the sun is shining. Go get it, tiger.
January 23rd, 2020 12:30am
There's never a specific time to get help. Even if it's been three years, it won't be strange to request help. Most people would probably ask for help earlier to stop any mental trauma later in life. Even if you didn't ask right away, or didn't even need help immediately after your emotion abuse, if you think you need help, you should get some. It's never too early or late to need support. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder means getting flashbacks or anxiety from remembering something big in the past that reminds you of the moment you're in. Many have this, and get help for a long time after any trauma actually happened. In all, getting help three years after emotional abuse is most certainly allowed.
January 23rd, 2020 8:19pm
Absolutely. You do not need permission to feel or to get help. The fact that you are seeking out help for an issue that was in the past shows tremendous effort. Confronting your past can be hard, but your future self will thank you. Lose yourself in the joy and hardships of recovering. It's okay to fall again because you can always begin again, and sometimes the requires seeking others help. That's okay. It is easier said than done, but don't have hard feelings towards yourself. There are better things up ahead for you and the sun is shining. Go get it, tiger.
February 6th, 2020 6:17pm
In simple terms yes you are. Everyone takes different amounts of time to process what happened to them, and how they feel about it. You are allowed to be upset for however long you need to be and whenever you are ready, you are more than welcome to ask for help for emotional abuse even if it is years later. All people are different and they take different times to heal with different resources they need; if anything, you getting help for your emotional abuse now it is one massive step towards recovery and feeling better. You should be really proud of yourself.
February 19th, 2020 10:45pm
Of course you are allowed to start being upset about something that happened a while ago! Some people (myself included) take more time than others to process traumatic events. Its just the way you are, its perfectly natural :) And of course, it's great that you're getting help, because, well, it helps. It's very calming to talk out traumatic events that bother you, even if they're years old. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about whether its "allowed" just worry about healing yourself as best you can, because you're the most important. anyways, good luck, hope you feel better soon!
February 21st, 2020 10:57pm
Absolutely! Reaching out and asking for help is a great thing to do for yourself. Never be afraid to be completely honest with whomever you reach out to for help - they are not there to judge but to help you heal, learn, and move past the abuse in the best way possible for you. If something doesn't feel right or you don't feel comfortable with who you are seeing after a few visits, don't hesitate to look into another option or person. There are many different ways to go about discussing and healing from your abuse, and finding the right therapist will only make that process easier :)
February 26th, 2020 9:06pm
Yes, emotional abuse is very bad and scary, and i think is never too late for help! In those 3 years you were probably not ready yeat to talk about, but now you finally are! You should definitely ask help! Dont feel ashamed about it! Its not your fault! Everything its gonna be okay! Here there are lots of qualified therapist that can give you the help you need! And also lots of very kind and nice listener are ready to hear about you! I hope everything is gonna turn oout the right way!! Greathings Valentina! :) you can do this
March 7th, 2020 7:00pm
One is generally allowed every emotion. Regardless of its kind and onset. If an emotional response is kicking in it is generally something that is valid and should be acknowledged. Working through this emotion and letting it surface is the healthiest approach one can have, while all forms of suppression only make it worse. Be kind and patient to yourself, try to remind yourself that this feeling will pass one day, but you have all the right to be upset now. And it is a big step to reach out for help at this point to work through the emotional impact the abuse had!
March 12th, 2020 3:04pm
There are no rules to when and how emotions should or will be felt. Emotions are truths. Nobody can argue that you are not feeling said way, because if you are feeling it, then it is known to be true. Emotional abuse has the ability to carry on into future relationships, even years after it has happened. Understanding that you have been abused is a process as well, one that takes some 1 week to feel the effects of it, and others years or decades. There is no time line for healing. You are allowed to feel any way you feel, it is justified in your experience and the fact that you are feeling it.
March 28th, 2020 11:27pm
You do not need to have permission to have feelings after a traumatic experience. It can take years to recover and Greece the relationship and what happened to you during that time. Emotional abuse is real and it is not your fault. You didn’t do anything that caused the abuse nor could you change the person who was emotionally abusing you. People who emotionally abuse other ms have very serious mental health issues that have nothing to do with you personally. Co tiniest to get help as long as you feel that you need the support !! You matter
April 1st, 2020 11:34pm
Of course it's okay, emotional abuse is absolutely traumatic whenever you need to open up you need to make sure it's the right time for you and even if it's 3 years later you still have the right to speak about it now. this was probably really hard for you to deal with for the last 3 years alone and getting help is probably the best thing to do right now and I'm really proud of you for coming to that decision now. I know how hard and tourchering emotional abuse can be, I'm always here if you need to speak Holly x