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Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?

199 Answers
Last Updated: 05/21/2023 at 1:00am
Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 6th, 2021 6:21pm
Yes! It is normal to feel upset about emotional abuse that happened a few years ago, especially if you kept it inside for so long and it has been building up. I would definitely get help for it to be able to heal from it. You already completed the first step, which is that you were able to identify your emotions and how you are feeling, which is being upset. Reaching out to a therapist will be so beneficial and you will be able to move on from this situation. I am sorry this happened to you though, but I know you are very strong.
Anonymous
August 20th, 2021 11:30am
Absolutely, we are only human, we need support and to be gentle with our healing. When you feel comfortable talking about the things you are facing, then feel free to share with those you can confide in. Sometimes this process can take time and has alot involved in it, but It is a testament to your strength as person that you have been able to get through this, and you will strive on heal and begin to move forward. Any progress in these steps is still progress no matter how small. What I would ask in this situation, is how do you wish to move forward?
Anonymous
August 27th, 2021 12:46pm
Yes dear. Self care is really important. You should do whatever things make you feel better and is better for your well being. I am so glad you are already aware about the help option and are willing to seek some. Go ahead with it I wish you best of luck. Please reach out to us experts here are for you. Do not hesitate a bit. You are finally caught up in the right direction. Don't look back at the past. Its high time for you to come towards the path of recovery. I am sure you got this. Much love.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2021 10:06pm
Yes, it's completely normal, because sometimes at the moment we are so used to the abuse that we never realize what's happening and even if you may feel that it is already "too late", let me tell you that every person deserves to feel good and get help and it's never too late to ask for help. If you do, you are already taking a huge step forward in a way, to feel better and you really should be proud of yourself. I know that sometimes asking for help or finding the right therapist is not easy but once you find it, you will feel better. I hope the best for you.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2021 10:51am
It is totally allowed and normal to be upset about abuse that happened 3 years ago or even 15 years ago! This just shows that you did not process your feelings when the abuse happened and that's OK, it's allowed. Don't beat yourself up about it because abuse is traumatic and can be very destructive. Also remember, wellness is a process and so is healing so give yourself time to feel your emotions and the time it takes is totally up to you. Getting help is a good step to take and it will help you in your healing journey. All the best!
ScarletOwlet
November 5th, 2021 3:51pm
Yes of course! if it is still impacting you to the point where you still want to get help then that is perfectly valid and you should do so. Emotions don't work to a schedule and it is never too late to start working through trauma caused by emotional abuse or anything else. Sometimes, people may not feel upset at the time of it happening because they might not notice it occurring or the shock of it means you don't process those emotions properly. Your feelings about any situation is valid no matter how long it has been since it occurred.
Rosietherosecat
November 7th, 2021 8:31pm
You are allowed to get help for emotional abuse whenever you want. You have a right to feel upset about it, and you may seek help anytime, be it three days after it happened, three years, or three decades. Don't let anyone tell you that you should just "get over it," because you decide when you want to get over an event where you felt and was emotionally abused. You aren't causing a fuss, you're sticking up for yourself and letting yourself get the support you need by asking for help. If you're feeling upset about the event 3 years after it happened, it doesn't make your feelings invalid.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2021 2:41am
Absolutely, abuse is so complicated. Sometimes it starts affecting you long after the abuse. It sounds like you maybe had some time to realize how the abuse affected you. I’ve been in a similar situation. You are always allowed to have feeling and reach out for help. I’m proud of you for reaching out. You are so brave and worthy. Why do you feel you shouldn’t be getting help processing abuse? Have you reached out to any therapists? The main thing I want to say is that no one can tell you what you what you went through. I believe you.
SurviversThrive
November 14th, 2021 12:37pm
You can be upset at any point of abuse - whether it is at the moment it happens or years later. When experiencing abuse, our idea of freedom and self-entitlement becomes distorted. We can be made to feel undeserving of expressing our pain or even be labelled as overdramatic. Remember, we are always entitled to embrace our emotions and expressing our pain. Abuse is complex and the effects of it can stay with the victim years after it has happened. This is linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Repressing this and locking it away leaves us with unhealed trauma. It is definitely worth addressing this and getting professional help.
PrevkS928
November 20th, 2021 12:04pm
Of course you are! Abuse of any type or severity is wrong, and you don't have to justify why you are upset for something to anyone! It happened to you, and only you are allowed to judge it for what it is. Just because it happened three years ago doesn't mean you should over it. My grandfather's brother molested me five years ago and I'm still not over it. Your problem is important, and you can always chose to get help for it. You can feel upset, you can say that it was unfair and wrong, and you can get help! None of it was your fault. No one can say you have no right to be upset. Best of luck buddy
Anonymous
November 26th, 2021 5:47pm
Yes, you are. Just as how you can relive positive emotions from fond memories, it's only natural to feel upset because of something that happened in the past. And since it's abuse, it isn't just a memory, but something that impacted your life. So of course it's allowed. You might not have allowed yourself to feel these emotions before, or at least not fully and not accepting them. It's important to feel them now, and to have help processing them and recovering from them. Time doesn't heal old wounds, it makes us forget our emotions. But we can't forget what we have yet to process and acknowledge.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2022 9:58pm
Yes, of course! It takes a while for some people to realize what was going on, or to feel it. It depends on the person, and it's great that you're at least looking for help now, even if it's been a long time.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2022 7:39pm
Any kind of abuse is traumatizing and it takes bravery and strength to get help whenever you choose do if you choose to. Even if you’ve recently began hurting from it it is still abuse and you survived it and it is valid for you to feel this way and start getting help whenever you’re ready. Getting help is an important step that you are considering and it can be fought to make that decision, but you are deserving of help and you are not weak for feeling the damage after three years. Any kind of abuse is serious and I am proud of you for recognizing that you might need help.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2022 6:25am
Of course! People take time to really digest what happens, especially after a traumatic event. Being upset and seeking help after 3 years should not trivialize your experiences or emotions about it in any shape or form, you have the right to feel this type of way! Emotional abuse is a heavy topic and, depending on how hard it impacted an individual, it can take anywhere from a few days to many years to start gaining courage to seek help or even realize that it was abuse that you suffered through. Always seek help when you feel like you need it, you know yourself best!
EternalSpring823
March 19th, 2022 4:55pm
Getting help is not a race. If you finally can feel comfortable getting help, then please do so. Taking care of yourself is always important. Some people don't deal with their trauma for decades. You're doing great, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sometimes it takes us a while to be able to process what has happened so that we can really get down to what is going on internally. That time could be as little as a day or as long as a decade. There is no proper amount of time in order to help yourself grow and thrive. You're doing what you need to. You can do this.
glasseyedgrace
March 28th, 2022 7:34pm
You are "allowed" to feel whatever you feel for as long as you feel it. There is no rule for how long certain things bother us. You can take as long as you need to process it, I truly hope you can some day come to peace with it all and it won't hurt as bad. I won't say that it will ever not hurt, but hopefully with time it won't hurt as badly. If you ever want to talk about it this is the perfect place to do just that, and if you want to speak to a professional, we can assist you with that as well. Good luck to you!
Anonymous
May 13th, 2022 6:41pm
Absolutely! Many people reach out for help several years after emotional abuse has occurred. Sometimes it takes a while for us to feel ready to ask for help, and that's okay. If you're feeling ready now, there are many mental health professionals out there who will welcome you with open arms. It's also completely okay to start feeling upset several years later. Our feelings don't always "make sense". Sometimes we feel okay when we think we should feel upset, and sometimes we feel upset when we think she should feel okay. Your feelings don't need to occur at a specific time for them to be justified and valid.
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2022 10:18pm
First of all, you don’t need anyone’s permission. You’re allowed to feel how you want to feel about emotional abuse three minutes, three months, three years or three decades after it happened. That is for no one else to have propriety over but yourself. All those emotions may be bottled up at this point like a volcano, read to blow. So it’s important to create and implement a lifestyle that supports healthy expression of your anger, sadness and fear so it doesn’t erupt at inopportune times. Some activities to try could be painting, flower arranging and writing. Some lifestyle changes could be eating healthier somehow, or maybe drinking more water. If you’re not sure what works for you or where you’re at, let yourself try things! And most importantly, LET YOURSELF SUCK AT THEM. We may have perfectionistic views of how therapeutic activities and lifestyle changes SHOULD work, or critical ideas of how we do them. That’s just nonsense that someone who didn’t know how to love themselves taught us, or toxic, societal thinking. Learning a few tools like body relaxation, breath work and sense exercises could help. Rewarding yourself and giving yourself little celebrations (a fist in the air is enough) will be enough to gradually establish and build a lifestyle that allows all emotions in a healthy, wealthy and happy manner.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2023 1:00am
You can get help at any time. Sometimes, it takes a while to recognize that, they need support and help. You know when you are ready to seek support and help. No one should force another person into getting support and help when they are not ready. It takes a lot of courage and guts to admit that they need help. You have a right to your feelings. How long you feel upset is up to you. Please, do not listen to people who say, "get over it already". What you went through was very painful. Please take all the time you need to heal and recover from this event. Maybe join a support group in your area that is for victims of emotional abuse. I am very proud of you, for getting the support and help that you need. It is a step in the right direction. I hope this answers your questions. Thank you for raising such important questions. By asking these questions you are helping others as well.