How do I stop considering my past sexual abuse as part of my current identity?
Last Updated: 07/13/2020 at 2:09am
Amanda Wiginton, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.
Top Rated Answers
Stop thinking that the past is you. The past and you are two different things. The past does not determine a person and someone's past is not them. You did not determine your past of abuse therefore that past is not you. Let go of the past its something that doesnt exist anymore and stop hauling it around everywhere you go.
You never can, what you can do is learn to understand how it's changed your identity and how it's made you a stronger person, it's part if you. You should learn from it and learn it live along side it.
This is a great question and I don't think there is one right answer. Personally, I try to remind myself that my past experience does not define me. It is something that happened TO me, but it is not who I am. I have so many other qualities that make me who I am. I choose to not let the abuser take away from those qualities I value about myself. Make a list of things you love about yourself- your kindness, how you treat others, the love you give, being funny, friendliness, etc- and take time to consciously remind yourself of those things often. You define your current identity.
Remind yourself of the situation you overcome and look at the wonderful human being you've become since then
Things such as these are hard to heal from, but just remember you make yourself someone you can be proud of.
It's different for everyone. In my case I re-wrote it so that I'm the tragic hero who suffers, and it a victim, and then goes out and helps others. Some people choose to call themselves survivors. It's a hard thing to integrate and most people tend to need some kind of help from a good therapist. However, even if our experiences do affect our personality, we are so much more than that. Your current identity is made up of so many other parts of you that in time they may even start to drown out the part that considers what happened to you as part of your identity. Or you may find a way to live with it like I did. It won't be easy though, so if you can reach out for help, please do. I feel for you with all my heart, because I know for some of us it can feel so life changing. But it doesn't have to change your core values, or who you are deep down. No one can ever take that away from you or violate that. There is a part of you that is just you that no one can ever touch. Telling myself that is what kept me alive for a long time, so I hope it helps you. *gentle hugs if you want them*
Accept the situation for what it was, forgive whomever it was that did it and find happiness within yourself. Everything else will follow.
Mainly this can be achieved by thinking positive during the times where you feel like you're lost. It happened and there is nothing to dwell upon because you should be strong and realize that god gives the strongest people the hardest battles.
Consider how the sexual abuse has formed you as a person. Have you changed since then? Probably so. Don't push it away, embrace it.
this is one area that is very difficult to answer. But just like everything when someone goes through and abuse as sexual then they definitely need to continue to seek counseling to overcome and find solutions to improve their lives from such an ordeal as this but continual therapy will help the individual learn to not only accept what has happened but to reflect on everything that has taken place learn to forgive and move on does it say that they have to go out and be with that person who hurt them hard to say but it all depends on what it has been learned and what has been accepted during therapy sessions
The past is not something that you can change but you should not let your past take over your present life. If you cannot do it alone seek help.
Related Questions: How do I stop considering my past sexual abuse as part of my current identity?
Am I allowed to start being upset and getting help for emotional abuse 3 years after it happened?My brother used to hit me a lot, but my parent justifies it by his autism and schizophrenia. Was it still abuse?My parents physically abuse me and every time someone touches me I flinch. Am I broken? Will I ever move past that?Am I allowed to still be in love with my abuser?How can I support someone experiencing domestic violence ?I need the strength to leave my mentally abusive husband can anyone suggest?How do I get someone to report a sexual assault?What does it mean my my dad is sucking my toes and bites one off, but still says he loves me.?I’m 16, and my parents mentally abuse me, constantly insulting me, restricting my time with other friends and family. My grandparents are willing to take me in, but what can I do? Can my parents sue mMy ex boyfriend was violent but I can’t move on why?