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How do I tell someone that I was raped?

13 Answers
Last Updated: 11/19/2019 at 5:42pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Domestic Violence
September 5th, 2016 6:30pm
To start that process it helps if you accept that it happened to yourself and know it wasn't your fault. From there pick someone you trust that is there to listen. Tell them in as much or as little detail as you are comfortable with. It's okay to stop for a break while telling them. This can be very emotional. You can work with that other person on getting help. Just remember you are never alone.
- Expert in Domestic Violence
November 10th, 2015 3:14pm
This answer is assuming that this is a while after the rape. It is difficult to tell the first few people. When you are ready, choose someone you know you can trust entirely. If you want your rape to remain a secret at first make sure that you make this clear to them before you start discussing it. Initially it will be painful to discuss, depending on who raped you; maybe emotionally excruciating. Once you have told your friend you will feel better. Sharing the burden, will make you feel better; with time. The more you can talk about it, easier it becomes until you are able to help others through this unfortunate tragic event. You may even feel the need to speak out publicly and raise awareness. I will of course, being a rape survivor tell you that you must report it. I won't lie, talking about it to strangers so soon after it has happened will be painful and scary. The physical too. But remember, you are a victim of a violent crime and the person who hurt you needs to be punished by the law.
- Expert in Domestic Violence
May 3rd, 2015 5:32am
It's never easy opening up about something so personal and painful. I know I'd be scared personally. It's best to tell someone who is safe and will understand.
March 2nd, 2015 5:19am
It's never easy. I would recommend asking for professional help in order to gain the courage to do so. It might also help to have an expert there to guide you through it.
March 4th, 2015 8:15am
Well, first, understand that being raped was not your fault. Second, there are many ways to tell someone. You can get professional help through the police, a counselor, a social worker, etc. Then there are family members and friends. If there is one person you feel confident will support you, tell them first, and then see if they will help you tell others. No matter what though, you are not alone, and you are not to blame. I am sorry you were hurt.
June 1st, 2015 7:08pm
Telling somebody that you were raped is a difficult decision to make and you are brave to disclose it. However it will help in the healing process p, and could keep you safe. Tell a person you trust in a calm and honest way, and remember it was not your fault!
September 15th, 2015 9:21pm
try to come to terms with it yourself. this may be hard but once you've accepted it, it will be easy to tell other people. when I was raped, it took my ages to accept it myself because it was such a traumatic experience. but when I did, one by one I started telling people who I trusted most.
April 4th, 2017 8:30pm
Choose a trusted, adult person, or a mental health professional. And the just tell them. As much or little as you want. However, keep in mind that if you are a minor, teachers and some other professionals may be required to report abuse to family services in some states.
June 30th, 2019 1:41am
There is no easy way to do this and it’s a little like pulling off a band-aid. The more you hesitate the more it hurts, and the harder it gets. If you can’t physically get the words out, and I’ve seen people in that position you may have to write it down. Generally speaking though if you simply start with something like, ‘I have something important to tell you. I’m afraid it may upset you, but it’s not something I can keep to myself,’ anyone who cares about you will reassure you and do their best to help you explain.
June 22nd, 2015 6:17pm
Very carefully. Of course, it's different for everyone, but it is almost always a relief. I would do it in a private, quiet setting, and just go out and say it. It's okay; it's not your fault. If the person you're sharing with a real friend, they won't judge.
September 7th, 2015 3:36am
Its not easy to deal with. And it is a difficult situation. But find the person that you trust the most is a way to start. Once you feel comfortable and get your feelings out, then perhaps it will encourage you to take the next step to report it.
November 19th, 2019 5:42pm
First, I believe you and it was not your fault. It's a huge step to reach out here, great job on a very big step! There are many variables and steps along the healing journey; plus it can look a bit different for each person. As already recommended, a professional therapist can walk you through some ideas as well as even practice sharing your stories with those you want to share with. You get to take things at your own pace as you begin to share your story - this can look like a professional therapist, books, websites, 7 Cups, trusted friends and more. You're brave and courageous. Best wishes to you.
October 25th, 2015 10:03pm
Share it with someone you know you cna trust. Then say it as it is, something you didnt want just happened. Its the same way as a car accident or any bad stuff that can happen to people.